Worry, Epiphanies and the Every Day

I'm not sleeping well. 

It's been 27 months without my son. 

I go to bed exhausted. 

I wake up exhausted. 

I know I've been awake in the night. 

I have that heavy feeling. 

What is keeping me up? 

Luke 10:41

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, 

"you are worried and upset about many things,

but few things are needed-- or indeed only one. 

Mary has chosen what is better, 

and it will not be taken away from her."

This verse has troubled me for many years. 

I've attended retreats based on the verse. 

Read an insightful book on the subject. 

Still. 

I am troubled. 

These days have been busy with preparing our Guest House. 

For putting feet on dreams. 

Planning out details. 

What are the goals of the this business?

How will things get accomplished?

Lists.  

Painting. 

Decorating. 

Praying. 

More painting. 

Mixed into all of this is farm work, book work, 

cooking, grieving, taking care of kids and preparing for winter;

 just to name a few. 

While I am at the stove I pondering these things. 

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things,but few things are needed--or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Martha was at the stove cooking, planning preparing. 

She had company in her home. 

Her gift hospitality. 

These folks were probably hungry. 

They had been on a long journey. 

And now. 

They were in her home. 

It was her job to care for them.

While I was cooking the notion struck me. 

All these years it's been Martha "the doer".

And Mary, "the sit at Jesus feet-er." 

While I was cooking I noticed my attitude. 

I was stewing. 

About this and that. 

I was hotter than the kettle I was working with. 

I was doing what was needed. 

But. . . I was stewing. 

And I thought. 

THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!

While other's gone before me have probably made this connection. 

I have not. 

It's not what Martha was doing that was the problem. 

It was what she was thinking. 

It's not that she needed to neglect the house to commune with our LORD. 

No. 

It was her attitude. 

The cooking was fine. 

The preparation was needed. 

But it was her heart. 

She was stewing. 

She was at that kitchen banging around. 

Ticked at her sister. 

Mary. . . was right at Jesus' feet. 

Her sweet spirit in tune with the Savior. 

Waiting to hear and absorb all there was. 

Time was short. 

Seek contentment in all you do. 

When cooking or, ack, cleaning. 

Where is your heart? 

Do you do the task joyfully as unto the LORD?

Or are you spewing and ranting, slamming pots and stomping around? 

There was nothing wrong with Martha and what she was doing. 

It was the way she was doing it. 

So, while I was at the stove having this epiphany 

(and burning what ever I was doing). 

I changed my attitude. 

Instead of stewing about what everyone else was 

doing. . .or not doing in this case, I looked to the Lord. 

I closed my eyes, (might be part of the burning) and gave thanks for the opportunity to cook. 

Yes. 

I even thanked God for the opportunity to clean. 

I slowed myself down. 

Sometimes we get off track. 

Jesus wasn't elevating Mary sitting as his feet while Martha was working. 

He wasn't encouraging Martha to come and literally sit at his feet. 

We're busy people. 

There is work to be done. 

He wants us in the midst of the work. 

The work is holy. 

He wants the merging of the two. 

He will help us. 

He's in the business of helping us; changing us. 

He is fighting for us! 

Exodus 14:14

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

We are called to be light. 

Matthew 5:15

"You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.

Lauren Daigle

Salt and Light 

When I Don't Measure Up. . . I Need To Remember What I Wrote Earlier In The Week

I fall short. I don't measure up. I head down a road of self destruction. 

It is so easy to do. The dishes aren't done. The floors need to be mopped. 

The phone rings and there are bills to pay. The laundry is backed up again. . .the kids need help.

(I didn't say they were helping. . .they need help)

The house is so cluttered. 

One of the hydraulic hoses on the case blew. There's a flat tire on the Swinger. 

The Valtra is at the shop. 

My farmer worries me. I miss my son. 

My heart hurts. I am worn. 

It all clambers for my attention. Every detail. 

And just for a moment I have lost sight. My vision blurred. 

There are too many I's and My's in those statements. 

And I remember my reflections earlier in the week. 

We are kept. 

(click on the link to read)

Jude 1:1

To those who have been called, who are loved by God,

 the Father and kept by Jesus Christ.

We are kept by Christ. 

What a thing. 

It is time to rest. To be quiet before the Lord. 

How ever that looks to you.

 But be still. 

(Really. Shut off the radio, the fist pumping music, 

the delightful books on tape (or cd or whatever) and listen. . .)

Know that He is God.

 He will never leave us or forsake us. He is doing a mighty work. 

Psalm 43:19

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 

I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

We are kept through the storm. Through the fire. 

There is much mercy and grace. 

The trials of farming are overwhelming at times. 

 It is a reminder to persevere. 

Hoses and tires can be fixed.

And we are kept. 

How Worry Is NOT My Constant Companion

Today we head to the hospital.

The questions we have had; answered.

The preparation for chemo and radiation will begin.

I do not know what this journey will hold. 

My spirit is weary with grieving.

Yet in my weariness, as I pass the pole, I see someone has placed a cross. 

I am later told it was Alaria, Elijah's girlfriends sister.

My weariness is from the unknown.

But worry has not been my companion.

Great sorrow, deep agony;

Yes, they follow me.

But worry has fled in the face of peace. 

Because peace has also been my faithful and constant companion. 

Sweet Peace.

It is a peace, not as the world gives.

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. 

I do not give to you as the world gives.

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

It is a peace cultivated through years of surrender to the One that has called us into being. 

It is a peace stemmed from yielding day after day, moment by moment 

 to, not my will but thine.

I do not understand this jounrney. 

I do not like it.

I want out at the nearest stop. 

But I don't have a choice. It is here to stay.

But the Lord of all the universe is in control. 

He is a God who keeps his promises.

And he will be faithful. 

Philippians 1:6

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry 

it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

So, as we begin this next part of the journey, come what may, we will breathe in deep the Ancient truth. We will live with all we have for the One who ransomed His life for ours. 

We will work hard to raise our children left here on this earth 

in the fear and admonition of the Lord. 

(Goodness sometimes that is a challenge)

We will seek to endeavor to share this beautiful gift with those around us. 

And we will seek peace in this journey. 

As this road leads us through the Season of Advent. . . 

we wait with anticipation what God will do; here, in our midst. 

The Incarnation. 

Thank you all for your notes of encouragement. Words of wisdom from experience. 

And most of all your prayers. 

Oh, how we know that people are praying; we can feel them. 

Please listen to the words of this song. 

Word of God Speak by Mercy Me

Oh how they minister to my soul. 

Beyond the music, beyond the noise. . .

To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You

Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice