The Deep Down Work of Gratitude Day #3 of Thankfulness

It is a song played during communion. 

I recognize it right away. 

The memory swept out from the dark corner. 

I close my eyes and I am there. 

Listening to the praise video the kids listened to.

 Praying for their little souls. 
My heart constricts with the memories. 
The music continues on. 

"I lay all of my burdens down at your feet."

Oh how I miss my son. 

"And anytime, I don't know, what to do. I will Cast all my cares Upon You."

Years of praying for my children. 

A desire to see them grow. 

Bend their knee to the One who gave us life. 

I squeeze my eyes shut. 

To the pain. 

The song continues. 

I let go. 

I let myself remember. 

I can't change what has happened.

I thank God for those times. 

Even now. 

For we don't know, any of us, how long we have. 

And it's the here and now that counts.

~30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:
Coffee; hot or cold
New furniture and a fresh coat of paint
my family and their willingness to step forward each day on the path God has placed us
a warm house
Netflix- we don't have cable and Netflix is such a wonderful thing
the wind blowing through the windows of our home-reminding me how cold it really is outside
no heat upstairs which drives the kids downstairs, which allows us to spend more time together
my farmer and his time spent away with the farmer junior
the therapy of cooking
a clothesline and the fresh, clean scent of clothes air dried
the money I save by not running the dryer

I am thankful for this journey of Thankfulness. It turns my heart around every time. By day 3, the inward focus I have stepped into begins to lighten. I find myself throughout the day trying to be thankful for even the hard things. Trying to be open to the lessons available. Each day we have a choice. We can be miserable, affected by our circumstances and become bitter and unfulfilled. Or we can surrender, step into gratitude and become all that God wants us to. But, it's a choice. Our circumstances are not going to change. They are going to remain; and may even become worse. But our lives can reflect grace and mercy if we cultivate a thankful heart. 

I pray that you will join me on this journey. Leave a note in the comments and share how you are blessed through this process. 

I am grateful for the video of my son's Senior Testimony. I share it with you again because each time I listen to it I am reminded that God knew what was going to happen. This was a gift to all of us. This is grace and mercy. None of which I deserve, but that which I am grateful to receive. 

Elijah Davis' Senior Testimony

Alone; But Not Alone. . .Ever

I am alone. 

The house quiet. 

It is not a sound I am familiar with; or like. 

I wish I could take all those crazy moments when 2 diapers needed changing, lesson plans needed writing, dinner was cooking, and all 6 children were living. . .  and bottle them. 

Then pull them out now. 

When I feel defeated. 

I was created to be a mom. 

And I have loved the journey. 

I haven't done it well. 

My children never had a nursery. 

I never had the latest stroller or baby gear. 

I never read a parenting book until Chelsea was in college. 

I worked when my kids were born. 

I never went on a "playdate". 

Ever. 

For all the things I didn't do. 

I am sure there are lots I did do. 

We made a priority to go to church. 

Every Sunday. 

It wasn't easy. 

It's easier to stay home. 

There were days I wanted to. 

We chose to go. 

And when the rubber hit the road this year. 

I bent my knees low to the ground and thanked God for the years cultivating faith in our children. 

My son left me this gift. 

Faith, assurance he knew where he was headed. 

It was not wasted time. 

I drove home alone from New York after dropping two of the kids 

and two of their friends off at camp. 

I was alone. 

And when I walked in the house I was alone. 

The quiet eerie. 

My farmer haying. 

The two little girls spending the night with Tara. 

For a moment I could feel the sadness creep in. 

Alone.

While others may have cheered at this prospect, I did not. 

I love the energy of this home.

Life. 

But I realized in those moments that it is not the kids who define me. 

I am not alone. 

My worth is in Christ. 

He is my source of strength.

Psalm 118:14

The LORD is my strength and my defense; 

he has become my salvation.

 Looking anywhere else is futile. 

My joy does not come from the kids. 

It is a by product of the gift of the kids. 

My children are a gift from the Lord.

They are His. 

While I have breath on this earth I will do all I can to love and nurture them. 

Encourage them in their faith. 

Spur them on to make a difference, for Christ, in this world. 

I switch the laundry, start the dishwasher, wipe down the counters. 

A friend says to try and enjoy the moment. 

So I do. 

I head to bed to read. 

One of my favorite things to do. 

I begin with the Word; from which my sustenance comes. 

Then I move to my book. 

By then the exhaustion has settled in. 

And my farmer comes home. 

I am not alone. 

But I already knew that. 

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. 

Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, 

for the LORD your God goes with you; 

he will never leave you nor forsake you."

The Wonderful Cross

It's more than I deserve. 

2 different places. 

3 different testimonies.

All affected by 1 life. 

A life that wasn't perfect. 

But pointed to the One that is. 

I listen to Senior testimonies. 

New beginning's in the horizon.

A life hurt by the loss of his friend. 

July 28, 2013 etched in his young mind for ever. 

Questions raised throughout the year. 

Hearts hurting. 

But the power of the holy spirit was working in his heart. 

And God's love broke through the barriers and the hurt 

and reminded that pilgrim along this journey of His power and His might. 

And he shared that. 

He disregarded his carefully thought out testimony and shared from the deep place in his soul. 

And this mama was blessed. 

The second testimony reminded us of our need; our dependence on God for our future. 

He too walking with the deep loss of Elijah's friendship. 

How God uses those moments to allow me to see the impact my sons life is still having. 

The day became even sweeter as Clarissa and I went to witness 

her friend enter the waters of Baptism. 

A long awaited decision. 

New life. 

Matthew 28:19

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, 

baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,

A decision we learned was influenced by a young man who fell asleep 

at the wheel and was suddenly called home.

 July 28, 2013 forever etched in her young mind. 

Elijah's death prompted the deep questions we all wrestle with; 

Where am I going?

Even in Elijah's death God began the redemptive work in others. 

This is a gift. 

This is unmerited Grace and Mercy. 

Neither of which I deserve. 

God chooses at will to bring about the purposes He deems. 

To see this glimpse is holy.

 I am grateful. 

To stand this side of eternity is the hardest walk I have ever had to do. 

I long with all my heart for my boy. 

My soul aches for him. 

 To see purpose and God's mighty hand at work is powerful. 

Knowing souls are being ushered into the kingdom is humbling.

There is much rejoicing in the heavens.

The day has left me exhausted, grateful, sad, encouraged. . .(Elijah hated my use of ellipses)

The cross will remain my guide. 

Surrender my work. 

I will wait upon the Lord. 

He will renew my weary soul. 

He will bring about His purposes.

In His Time.

Oh that wonderful cross. 

Oh that wonderful cross

bids me come and die 

and find that I may truly live

Look Up, Look Forward

Psalm 8:4

What is man that you are mindful of him,

 and the son of man that you care for him?

The performance is over. 

The after party a memory. 

We head home. 

There is still a wedding tomorrow. 

I walk towards the house. 

I look up. 

My first reaction is to fall to my knees. 

The sky is ablaze with twinkling starlight. 

The richness powerful. 

I can not absorb the vastness. 

The Universe. 

The galaxies. 

How marvelous. 

I say it out loud. 

What is mere man that you are mindful of him?

The heaven's declare your majesty. 

Psalm 19:1

The heavens declare the glory of God, 

and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. 

I am overcome by the beauty. 

I am grateful for a Savior that loved me enough to show me grace. 

I continue to gaze. 

It is late. 

I think of Elijah. 

I long for his presence. 

I think of his words in his Senior testimony. 

He had just talked about his earthly father's desire to go to heaven and travel through 

space and see the wonderful creation.

He then says, "And that instills in me this looking forward that I want to fight the good fight now for what lies for me ahead. I share that want, to just travel through God's beautiful creation, past this earth. 

He wanted to travel through this creation. 

And that is just what he is doing. 

In glory. 

What he must be able to see. 

Ah, the sheer wonder. 

My mind can not grasp. 

Look up.

I saw the night sky. 

Look up.

I saw his mercy. 

Philippians 3:14

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God 

has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Pressing onward. 

Looking up. 

Keeping eyes focused. 

I shift my gaze to the path toward the house. 

I am left with a peace that transcends all understanding.  

There is a kitchen to clean. 

A wedding to celebrate. 

Look up; when the way is rough. 

Look up; to see. 

Press on.

Blessings on this Lord's Day. 

May all you do today be for His glory. 

And may peace be yours. 

Proclaiming His Testimony

49 days after he gave his Senior Testimony

 Elijah Todd Davis went home to be with the LORD.

Here is his testimony.

Are you ready to meet the LORD? 

Do you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the LORD is King?
And that you're heaven bound?

Do you have peace that passes all understanding?

None of us had any idea that when Elijah kissed me good bye
and bounded out the door Saturday evening,
July 28, 2013, that he would never come home.
That he would fall asleep at the wheel. . .and
 when he would open his eyes he would be in the presence of the King of Kings.
And that we, his family would be on one of the
darkest journey's we have ever faced.

To listen to this testimony after Elijah has left his earthly home, is quite moving.
He speaks of fighting the good fight. He talks about heaven. . .he talks about looking forward.
He was 17.
He was not a perfect kid.
But he belonged to the giver of life.
"He wanted to fight the good fight now, for what lies in store for me ahead."
He shared his fathers desire to "travel through God's beautiful Creation"

And what God had in store,
 was that his sweet life, this side of eternity, would abrubtly come to a halt.
His residence is now in heaven and is able to travel all through God's beautiful Creation.
And my heart soars with him as I yearn to see him again. . .as I struggle to make sense of all that God is requiring of us.

Our family continues to be blessed by the generosity of this community.
Notes in our mailbox, cards on the porch. Fresh colorful flowers on the table, back porches cleaned off, and vacuuming done. Front porch visits.
All helping to soothe the aching spirit.
And remind us we are not alone.

When my mom was dying I often posted this song. And I share it again.
We have hope. We will see Elijah again.
And we want to live our lives sharing that truth and living well.

"Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes"

Isaiah 41:13

 For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your 
right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.