The Deep Down Work of Gratitude Day #3 of Thankfulness

It is a song played during communion. 

I recognize it right away. 

The memory swept out from the dark corner. 

I close my eyes and I am there. 

Listening to the praise video the kids listened to.

 Praying for their little souls. 
My heart constricts with the memories. 
The music continues on. 

"I lay all of my burdens down at your feet."

Oh how I miss my son. 

"And anytime, I don't know, what to do. I will Cast all my cares Upon You."

Years of praying for my children. 

A desire to see them grow. 

Bend their knee to the One who gave us life. 

I squeeze my eyes shut. 

To the pain. 

The song continues. 

I let go. 

I let myself remember. 

I can't change what has happened.

I thank God for those times. 

Even now. 

For we don't know, any of us, how long we have. 

And it's the here and now that counts.

~30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:
Coffee; hot or cold
New furniture and a fresh coat of paint
my family and their willingness to step forward each day on the path God has placed us
a warm house
Netflix- we don't have cable and Netflix is such a wonderful thing
the wind blowing through the windows of our home-reminding me how cold it really is outside
no heat upstairs which drives the kids downstairs, which allows us to spend more time together
my farmer and his time spent away with the farmer junior
the therapy of cooking
a clothesline and the fresh, clean scent of clothes air dried
the money I save by not running the dryer

I am thankful for this journey of Thankfulness. It turns my heart around every time. By day 3, the inward focus I have stepped into begins to lighten. I find myself throughout the day trying to be thankful for even the hard things. Trying to be open to the lessons available. Each day we have a choice. We can be miserable, affected by our circumstances and become bitter and unfulfilled. Or we can surrender, step into gratitude and become all that God wants us to. But, it's a choice. Our circumstances are not going to change. They are going to remain; and may even become worse. But our lives can reflect grace and mercy if we cultivate a thankful heart. 

I pray that you will join me on this journey. Leave a note in the comments and share how you are blessed through this process. 

I am grateful for the video of my son's Senior Testimony. I share it with you again because each time I listen to it I am reminded that God knew what was going to happen. This was a gift to all of us. This is grace and mercy. None of which I deserve, but that which I am grateful to receive. 

Elijah Davis' Senior Testimony

Are You Living In This Very Moment?

This is not my home.
No matter the beauty.

This is not where we belong.
My focus.

has to change.
Each morning.
A shift.
It's not about me.
God's plan is better. 

The missing overwhelming. 

My son.

I want him here. 

Why did God not stop the accident?

Why did he not save him?

Why was it fatal?

I fold laundry. 

His clothes. 

Worn by others. 

I breathe deep. 

It would be so easy to give up. 

To just let the darkness consume. 

The pain. The ache.

The work it takes. 

There is a hole; where he belongs. 

His classmates moving on. 

Celebrating. 

Living. 

The pull of the world. 

I turn. 

Into the arms of the Father. 

I AM. . . holding on to you. 

I AM in the middle of the storm. 

I reach. 

He is there. 

I slow my breathing. 

I stand firm. 

I hold onto to the Ancient Word. 

There's no end to Amazing Grace. 

The peace fills me.

 His peace. 

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. 

Not as the world gives do I give to you. 

Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

No matter the struggle, the pain, the joy, the way. 

God is there. 

There is hope. 

There is peace for the journey. 

Living and waiting for 'life to get better'. 

Is not a choice. 

There is joy in the storm. 

Being present in the moment.
This very moment.
Are you there? In the moment? 

May Hope Find You

The music plays in the background. 

 A song, somehow, I have not heard before. 

A story needing to be told. 

Another taken so young. 

It is staggering how many young men have been called home in a single car accident. 

Young men. 

Mama's sons. 

Daddy's boys. 

Sibilings. 

Children of God. 

The couple on the video tell their story. 

Their words resonate with my heart. 

This is not our home. 

This is not where we belong. 

It is the reminder. 

This journey is not over. 

We are heading home. 

We have the assurance of where Elijah is. 

He is waiting for us. 

There is joy in that journey. 

Each day different; seeking, stepping forward. 

Even when cancer knocked on the door during the deep grief.

The assurance of hope was there. 

2 Corinthians 8-9

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; 

perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned;

 struck down, but not destroyed.

This Lord's day, as you go, may you be encouraged. 

May hope find you. 

Here is the story behind Michael W. Smiths "Coming Home."

Elijah is home. 

Where he belongs. 

We are the ones waiting. 

We will wait with hope. 

With encouragement for the lost. 

Grab a cup of coffee and a box of kleenex. 

Listen with me as I cry and yearn for my boy; as I long to pass hope on to others.

And as I  know with all my heart that He is home. 

Finding The Fullness Of Joy

She's 17 today; this sweet girl that has taught me so much about life. 

The girl who lost her dog and brother in a 2 week time span.
Her Nana 7 months before that.
Then the shocking walk of her father through cancer.

This girl who walks in strength and grace.

Whose smile and laughter light up a room.
Her spirit; gentle and soft.

A life surrendered to the King of all Kings.

Practical like her dad. 

Free spirited in so many ways.
She'll celebrate without her older brother to cheer her on.

Her confidant.
Her role model.
She'll cross another milestone.
I fear the joy of some of the birthday celebration has diminished.
Friends are too busy to celebrate.

Her expectations unmet.

So she went to NYC to visit a friend.

So independent and willing to try new adventures.
Really, she has had to grow up quickly.
This magnitude of a loss is costly.
Death so frequently at your door.
So I am praying for wisdom to dispel some of this darkness.
Wanting her to embrace this day.
A day to celebrate her birth.
The gift she is. Who she is in Christ. 

I want her to remember that there is nothing on this earth
that will bring the fullness of joy that Christ can.

John 16:22
So with you: Now is your time of grief, 
but I will see you again and you will rejoice, 
and no one will take away your joy.

Everything else is fleeting and temporary.

She's 17.
We'll step each moment into grace.
Seeking how to live before a Sovereign God.
We'll learn how to do these celebrations differently.
Our journey to find the joy.
Happy Birthday Clarissa.
Thank you for your strength throughout such a difficult year.
Thank you for persevering even when you felt like giving up.
The light of Christ shines brightly through you.
You are a blessing.
My cup runneth over.

A Sunday Journey To The Grave

I haven't been to the grave all winter. 

The grave that holds my first born. 

My son. 

The snow piles high and there is no passage to the cemetery except on foot. 

I know he is not there. 

I know he reigns above. 

He is in joy beyond all measure. 

He will never experience pain, or heartbreak. 

His journey complete.
He's home. 

Waiting for us. 

But we are here.

And to the grave I travel.

This day when the sun warms the earth to the high 40's. 

The Sabbath. 

The day of rest. 

Someone had placed a wreath I never seen. 

A handmade wreath in the shape of a heart. 

Browned now from the ice cold of the winter that didn't let go. 

A heart on the grave of one who was living. 

Who left the house with no intention of dying.

The one for whom my heart shatters a little more each day. 

I gather the wreaths and place them in my car. 

I have been the Secretary for the Cemetery Committee for 13 years. 

I know the mess to clean up each Spring. 

I do my duty and clear my own space. 

The space meant for me. 

My grave. 

Now holds my son. 

I choke back tears as I move through the motions. 

I close the trunk. 

A heart. 

The wreath was in the shape of a heart. 

A heart in the sky as the sun rose the morning he met the King of Kings.  

A heart in my latte. 

A heart. 

A symbol of love. 

Love. 

Love worn deep. 

John 15:3

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.

There is no greater love than Christ laying down his life for you and me. 

There is no greater display of love for a person. 
The messages of His love demonstrated in so many ways. 
Reminding me, encouraging me.
Renewing me for the rest of the journey. 
His example of love transcends understanding. 

I don't want to miss these treasures from heaven. 

This Love given freely. 

A gift for the taking. 

A renewing and refreshing of your Spirit.

Grace.

He died. 

He rose again. 

For me. 

For you. 

He's coming back. 

Are you ready? 

Do you know Him? 

Are you able to rest in Him; find the peace that is so freely offered;
And the hope that awaits all?  
Give him the reigns. 

It Is Well With My Soul  (David Nevue)
Won't you let this song pour over you as you seek the quiet
and let God fill all the hurt and the pain.
As you praise Him for this Glorious new day.
We sang it at his funeral. We sing it in the days we wait until we meet again.
My soul. . . my soul. . . it is well.

The Name Above All Names

Elijah.

I just want to say his name. 

I want to holler through the house; it's time for dinner, or get down here and pick up your things. 

I want to say his name and hear his voice. 

I want to buy him a Christmas present and fill his stocking. 

My soul wishes for this not to be. 

The deep searing pain resurfacing.
The loss permeating all that I do. 

Oh, how I miss him.

Oh, how everything in me resonates that this is wrong. 

How can the God of the universe, that called all into being, have this be my path?

It has been a year since mom died.
A year since I had only been home a day, when I received the call.
A year since I got in the car and drove 4 hours.
I wasn't there when she died. I wasn't there when my son died.
But I never left things undone.
I always hugged and kissed and said goodbye.
Always.
Mom had been so sick.
We had been praying for the Lord to call her home.
And he did. . .in His timing.
How many times I have picked up the phone to call her.
To call her name.
Every time I see purple I think of her.
She is missed by so many.

It's been a whole year.
Part of that year I have been mourning the loss of our son.
Everything seems wrong.
A year where my heart has ached every single day.
A year of missing mom, of missing the sweet licks and antics of our puppy of missing  Elijah and now a journey with cancer.

And there in the middle of my rant; when I am spent and tired.
When I can't possibly shed another tear.
 I am reminded of the path our Savior took to the grave;
For me.
 To call me by name.
He was born in a humble manger.
No earthly wealth to speak of.
His birth was not announced with beautiful picture cards sent in the mail
or announced over Facebook.

No.
 It was proclaimed by the Angels sent from on high.

Luke 2:9-14

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest heaven,

and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

All of Creation cried out. Proclaiming and Praising. 

It was proclaimed thousands of years before:

Isaiah 7:14
Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign,Behold a virgin will conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Emmanuel.

Matthew 1:21

And you shall give him the name Jesus.

Our names are so important.

Even before they were born, John and Jesus were named.
Even before our children are born, we choose a name. 

Jesus is the name above all names. 

He who is called by many names:

Jehovah Jireh - my provider

Jehovah Rafa - my healer

Wonderful Counselor

Prince of Peace

It is at this name we bow. 

It is at this name that I have my strength and being. 

It is for this name we celebrate Advent.

Bowing low to wait.

Leaning in to hear and wonder at it all. 

Come Lord Jesus;
make us into a people that long to hear your name above the clatter of the season,
above the pain of searing grief and loss and
above any other name that distracts.

Let this great news, bring us great joy. 

Jesus Mesiah

Name above all names

Blessed Redeemer

Emmanuel

The rescue for sinners

The ransom from Heaven

Jesus Messiah

Lord of All

The Day is Dawning, How Will You Live This Day? . . .Day #13 of Thankfulness

The day dawns.

White crisp flakes fall to the ground.

The blanket of white enveloping the land.

Our sins are made as white as snow.
Isaiah 1:18
Come now, let us settle the matter,
says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, 
they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, 
they shall be like wool.

One gave, that we may have eternal life.

I keep hearing the voice of the Officer.
There's been an accident.
Is he ok?
silence
I'm sorry.
It plays over and over in my head.
The heart drop feeling.
The moment my life changed forever.

I can remember saying to the officer that God is in control. 
He gives and he takes away.
Blessed be the Name of the LORD.

I don't understand the ways of God.
I can not fathom why he would take such a young man.
My son.
So loved.
My heart aches with wanting answers.
And now my husband.
My sweet, quiet, hard working farmer.
Why?
But, as I have said. . .why not?
Why not my whole family?

James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,
 whenever you face trials of many kinds, 
 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 
 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, 
not lacking anything.

God is good because of who He is. . .not because of what He does.
And we are told we would face trials.
That this life would be hard.
What do we do with that trial is how we live and glorify God.
This journey is not easy.
I still would do anything to have Elijah back.
To make our fractured family whole.

But I have died to myself.
It is Christ who lives in me.
And it is in Him that we live and have our being.
It is in Him we have Hope.
So I lay it all down.
I surrender all that I am.
So that Christ may fill my cup.
He is no stranger to our pain.

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, 
but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body,
 I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Day #13 of Thankfulness

I am thankful for:

Even though we are in great trial we have great peace

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. 

I do not give to you as the world gives. 

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

My mother-who gave me the greatest gift in my faith

My mother's example of walking with cancer

her journey to come to believe that the cancer had become a blessing

this community and the giving that is still happening

feeling wrapped in a hug on days we want to fall apart

people who understand farming and are willing to help

 my step daughter and her husband who bring me great joy

my children who are willing to live for Christ no matter how hard things are

Seasons to be Thankful

No matter your trial today, or even your utmost joy. 

May you find that peace and joy in the grace of the One who gave all, so we could live.

And every blessing you pour out I will turn back to praise

And when the darkness closes in. . .Lord. .. still I will say

Blessed Be the Name of the Lord. 

Listen. . . to those drums. . .listen. . .

Proclaiming His Testimony

49 days after he gave his Senior Testimony

 Elijah Todd Davis went home to be with the LORD.

Here is his testimony.

Are you ready to meet the LORD? 

Do you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the LORD is King?
And that you're heaven bound?

Do you have peace that passes all understanding?

None of us had any idea that when Elijah kissed me good bye
and bounded out the door Saturday evening,
July 28, 2013, that he would never come home.
That he would fall asleep at the wheel. . .and
 when he would open his eyes he would be in the presence of the King of Kings.
And that we, his family would be on one of the
darkest journey's we have ever faced.

To listen to this testimony after Elijah has left his earthly home, is quite moving.
He speaks of fighting the good fight. He talks about heaven. . .he talks about looking forward.
He was 17.
He was not a perfect kid.
But he belonged to the giver of life.
"He wanted to fight the good fight now, for what lies in store for me ahead."
He shared his fathers desire to "travel through God's beautiful Creation"

And what God had in store,
 was that his sweet life, this side of eternity, would abrubtly come to a halt.
His residence is now in heaven and is able to travel all through God's beautiful Creation.
And my heart soars with him as I yearn to see him again. . .as I struggle to make sense of all that God is requiring of us.

Our family continues to be blessed by the generosity of this community.
Notes in our mailbox, cards on the porch. Fresh colorful flowers on the table, back porches cleaned off, and vacuuming done. Front porch visits.
All helping to soothe the aching spirit.
And remind us we are not alone.

When my mom was dying I often posted this song. And I share it again.
We have hope. We will see Elijah again.
And we want to live our lives sharing that truth and living well.

"Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes"

Isaiah 41:13

 For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your 
right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.