Where Will This Journey Lead?

Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side
And as I wait
I'll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
By the power of Your love

Words. 

Ancient. 

New. 

Timely. 

Perfect. 

Words that penetrate the heart. 

Reaching deep into the aching hole. 

We can be refreshed and filled; even when we're hurting. 

I never knew I could know such peace. 

I never knew the intimacy I would feel with Christ when 
so much had been torn from me. 

I let the words wash over me as we sing. 
I hold this moment close.
I want to burn this message deep within. 
Hope. 
Beyond anything I could ever ask or imagine. 
When the world seems dark and empty. 
There is light. 
When I feel I can barely breathe another agonizing breath. 
There is hope. 

That at the name of Jesus every knee will bow and tongue confess. 
Jesus has brought me to this. 
He will bring me through it. 


There is strength in the name of the Lord
There is power in the name of the Lord
There is hope in the name of the Lord
Blessed is He, who comes in the name of the Lord

Read more: Sandi Patty - In The Name Of The Lord Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

With each step, I feel the strength God is pouring forth. 
He takes our brokenness and creates beauty. 
He reaches in and smooths the harsh edges. 

I still don't know where God is leading. 
I sometimes feel abandoned and alone. 
Fearful of what the future holds 
Fearful of life without Elijah. 
Fearful the cancer has returned. 

When I stand up close to God and allow Him to wash over me.
Those fears flee. 
God is able to do the work He longs to do. 

We are headed to the cross today. 
A day of intense emotion. 
A week that began with elation and praise as Jesus entered Jerusalem. 

Now ends with humiliation, death and grief. 

But that is not the end of the story. 

God was still writing. 

He wasn't done yet. 

We have to stay in the game to see the ending. 

Just when you think it was over. 
Death had the victory. 
What seemed impossible came to pass. 

The real ending came. 
Death was overcome. 
The stone was rolled away!
Death could not hold the Savior of the world. 
He rose from the agony of death. 

HE DEFEATED THE ENEMY.  

This Jesus, who today is mocked and ridiculed. 
Believers beheaded, this day, because of their faith in this Jesus. 
This Jesus is coming back friends. 
He is coming to take you and me -
To heaven; forever. 
The promise; fulfilled. 
There will be no more tears, no more pain.
Our anguish and grief will be no more. 


I want to stay in the game. 
I long to see how the rough spots will be smoothed. 
How God will do His work. 

On this Good Friday. 
While we hang in the balance. 
Waiting.
I will look to the cross. 


I am ready.
I am waiting. 

New Life

I hold her baby.

A beautiful bundle of sweetness.

 I look at this girl.

This beautiful mom. 

I think how blessed I am. 

I am the step mom. 

A woman she did not ask for in her life. 

Circumstances beyond her control. 

Yet, she has opened her heart and let me in. 

She has shared so much of who she is with me. 

She's daddy's girl you know. 

And another stole her heart.  

And now I hold her second born. 

I want to weep. 

I want to weep for my boy. 

I want to weep for all that will not be. 

And all that will be. 

The pace of life travelling on. 

Moving. 

Ebbing. 

It's hard to catch your breath sometimes. 

You want to stay in the here and now. 

Press on. 

Move forward. 

Yet the tension remains of leaving behind part of your heart;

 part of who you are. 

I hold the newest child. 

Evie Ann Brittain. 

She joins big sister, Lilah Rose Brittain

Who, only the other day, seemed to be the baby. 

The future. 

Hope. 

Isaiah 43:19

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; 

do you not perceive it? 

I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Each day is a risk. 

We choose to love and live. 

We choose joy. 

We are not guaranteed anything. 

Moments lived to make minutes; which become a lifetime. 

All held in the Father's hand. 

So I breathe in the scent of baby. 

I close my eyes. 

Here is the next generation. 

The oldest Farm girl will pass down the stories 

and all that farm life encompasses. 

She will nurture the hope that comes. 

We will share about her Uncle. 

Uncle Elijah. 

We will share his love for his Creator. 

My farmer and I will watch. 

We will guide when asked. 

We will marvel. 

We will give praise for new life.

How The Quiet Found Me

I sit on the rock.
I gaze out over this beautiful farm.

It's been months.

I haven't even wanted to venture outside. 

But today is warm. The wind is blowing and the memories strong.

The river rages with the ice cold mountain run off.
The expectancy of Spring in the air.
It is Holy Week.
The culmination of the Season of Lent.
These 40 days have gone so quickly.
How many days have I been still?
I haven't filled a bag in a week.
I have failed.
My expectations, not met.
A goal. Not reached.
I have let other things crowd the space.
 I wonder; what are those things? 
I have little to show for my time.
I have no tangible evidence.
That is the way it is with me.
I need to see the proof. 

I have no way to quantify if I have spent time learning to be still.
My bag a day gave way to doctors and cello; homework and dinners.
But before I write it all off as hopeless. 
I think about the time on the rock.

It was quiet. 
I found no need for words. 
It was just me. And the Creator.
I breathed in the deep earthy scent.
I gazed over winter's finality and the promise of spring.
I could hear the rage of winter's wrath in the river;
coursing and pressing the confines of the river path.
I felt the pressure of the wind as the gusts came.
And I felt the warmth of the sun after the stinging cold of a relentless winter.
This is what it means to be still. 
I sought this communion.
The weeks of purposefully seeking, has found me desiring the still.
Unconsciously I sought the stillness.
I went toward the quiet. 

Psalm 23:3
he leads me beside quiet waters,
     he refreshes my soul.

It didn't leave me uncomfortable.
My soul wrestled with the new grief before me.
The quiet; soothing and refreshing.
The journey through Lent may not have been perfect.
But the desire to still my aching soul is in process.
I long for the struggle to be over.
I long for the ache to disappear.

Habakkuk 3:19
The LORD God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' feet, 
and he will make me to walk upon mine high places

But I am learning.
One moment at a time.
To surrender all that I am.
To seek the quiet. 
To rest in the presence of our Holy God.