Where Will This Journey Lead?

Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side
And as I wait
I'll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
By the power of Your love

Words. 

Ancient. 

New. 

Timely. 

Perfect. 

Words that penetrate the heart. 

Reaching deep into the aching hole. 

We can be refreshed and filled; even when we're hurting. 

I never knew I could know such peace. 

I never knew the intimacy I would feel with Christ when 
so much had been torn from me. 

I let the words wash over me as we sing. 
I hold this moment close.
I want to burn this message deep within. 
Hope. 
Beyond anything I could ever ask or imagine. 
When the world seems dark and empty. 
There is light. 
When I feel I can barely breathe another agonizing breath. 
There is hope. 

That at the name of Jesus every knee will bow and tongue confess. 
Jesus has brought me to this. 
He will bring me through it. 


There is strength in the name of the Lord
There is power in the name of the Lord
There is hope in the name of the Lord
Blessed is He, who comes in the name of the Lord

Read more: Sandi Patty - In The Name Of The Lord Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

With each step, I feel the strength God is pouring forth. 
He takes our brokenness and creates beauty. 
He reaches in and smooths the harsh edges. 

I still don't know where God is leading. 
I sometimes feel abandoned and alone. 
Fearful of what the future holds 
Fearful of life without Elijah. 
Fearful the cancer has returned. 

When I stand up close to God and allow Him to wash over me.
Those fears flee. 
God is able to do the work He longs to do. 

We are headed to the cross today. 
A day of intense emotion. 
A week that began with elation and praise as Jesus entered Jerusalem. 

Now ends with humiliation, death and grief. 

But that is not the end of the story. 

God was still writing. 

He wasn't done yet. 

We have to stay in the game to see the ending. 

Just when you think it was over. 
Death had the victory. 
What seemed impossible came to pass. 

The real ending came. 
Death was overcome. 
The stone was rolled away!
Death could not hold the Savior of the world. 
He rose from the agony of death. 

HE DEFEATED THE ENEMY.  

This Jesus, who today is mocked and ridiculed. 
Believers beheaded, this day, because of their faith in this Jesus. 
This Jesus is coming back friends. 
He is coming to take you and me -
To heaven; forever. 
The promise; fulfilled. 
There will be no more tears, no more pain.
Our anguish and grief will be no more. 


I want to stay in the game. 
I long to see how the rough spots will be smoothed. 
How God will do His work. 

On this Good Friday. 
While we hang in the balance. 
Waiting.
I will look to the cross. 


I am ready.
I am waiting. 

Listening Day #10 of Thankfulness

She contacts me on face book. 

She found a recording of his voice from a history project. 

She laughed and cried when she heard it. 

She wondered if I would like her to send it to me. 

I breathe deep. 

Another recording of his voice. 

Another piece. 

Yes. 

Yes, I would love another opportunity to hear his voice. 

To listen to my sweet, sweet son. 

I play the recording. 

The deep places of my mommy's heart ache.

Oh how I miss him. 

He was so articulate. 

Always. 

His first word ex-ca-va- tor.

Yes. 

Truth. 

No da da for him. 

I continue to listen. 

There is back round noise so I have to listen intently. 

Carefully. 

I seek out the inflection; wonder at his hand motions-there was a piece of me in him- and picture his facial expressions as he spoke. 

I listen intently. 

So much of our life requires us to listen intently. 

To hear the speaker. 

Dig deeper for what is being said. 

Trying to understand our children. 

Attempting to decipher angry co workers words. 

Listening.

Hearing. 

Understanding. 

It is an Art. . . to listen. 

God calls us to enter in. 

To listen for his voice. 

Carefully. 

Purposefully. 

It takes time. 

There is waiting. 

There is heart ache. 

There is joy. 

John 19:27

My sheep listen to my voice; 

I know them, and they follow me.

May we all take to time listen to those around us. 

To seek God's will for the ways in which we should meet needs. 

Help a friend. 

Serve in some way. 

Spend time listening to His voice today to guide you. 

To lay down your burden. 

To be set free. 

He is always there. 

He neither slumbers nor sleeps. 

Psalm 121:3-4

He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber;indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

He will guide us. 

He will show us where to serve. 

If we would only listen.

~ 30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:

The gift of hearing my sons voice

Being able to hear

My sons friends who still remember

a new pastor and wife who are digging deep

a church body that prays; we are not perfect but with grace and mercy we step into God's ways

A season of Thanksgiving

10 more sleeps until the college girl is home

a gorgeous view of the mountain 

time to spend in God's word

correction and growth

a God who loves me and forgives my wretched soul

my farmer who works so hard each day

my girls who get up in the mornings to help their daddy

a farm boy that loves music and Jesus

 the two farm girls that are off the farm and making their way in this world

the farmette and the joy she brings

the hope of a new farmette and all she will bring

the naming of my gratitude; may it change me and grow my being to be more cognitively aware of the good around me

a sister in law who walks with grace and beauty through the trials of this life

May you seek to listen today. 

For the joy. 

For the broken. 

“There is a kind of listening with half an ear that presumes already to know what the other person has to say. It is an impatient, inattentive listening, that despises the brother and is only waiting for a chance to speak and thus get rid of the other person. This is no fulfillment of our obligation, and it is certain that here too our attitude toward our brother only reflects our relationship to God. It is little wonder that we are no longer capable of the greatest service of listening that God has committed to us, that of hearing our brother's confession, if we refuse to give ear to our brother on lesser subjects. Secular education today is aware that often a person can be helped merely by having someone who will listen to him seriously, and upon this insight it has constructed its own soul therapy, which has attracted great numbers of people, including Christians. But Christians have forgotten that the ministry of listening has been committed to them by Him who is Himself the great listener and whose work they should share. We should listen with the ears of God that we may speak the Word of God.”  (emphasis mine)

 Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Christian Community

The Least of These My Brethren

He sits at my table. 

I feed him.

Physical nourishment. 

We feed him the Word. 

He; the downcast. 

Broken.

Struggling with mental illness. 

Trying to find his way in this world. 

He sits at my table. 

I fight the thoughts that permeate my mind. 

My son. 

Buried deep beneath the earth. 

Not at my table; while this one lives. 

Why? 

My son; a hard worker.

So young. 

A lover of God. 

Gone. 

And here. 

At my table the least of these. 

Matthew 25:40

"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you,

 whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine,

 you did for me.'

I feed him. 

I pray in my heart for the demons that fill him to be gone. 

To receive the medical help he needs. 

This young man.

Each day a struggle. 

The least of these my brethren. 

I bow to the Holy. 

These days belong to the Lord. 

His will above mine. 

His ways. 

Isaiah 55:9

As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I relinquish my heartache and pain. 

I can not carry it. 

The longing too great. 

The pain crushing. 

I step into the work for today. 

Life on life. 

The gospel.

Life changing. 

Hope. 

His Ways. . .Not Mine

Many came to help ready the farm for guests. 

There are so many details. 

My head spins. 

The weather could be an issue. 

I want it to be sunny. 

I don't want to have tents.
I want to sit out in the open. 

But that is not the case. 

It may rain; It may not. 

How do you decide?

So much of our walk in life is about letting go. 

Changing our expectations. 

If we just trust God.

Isaiah 55:9
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways 
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Put aside our desires and thoughts. 

Let God guide the day. 

We would have less stress. 

When we surrender there is peace. 

God is able to show up and do what He does best. 

So often we grab the reigns and run. 

Thinking we know best.
This day, I struggle, in the surrender.
I have expectations.  

I want to rest in knowing someone else is in control. 

The day will be what it is. 

And each piece will be for a reason. 

Joy sought amidst the pain. 

Grateful for time to be with others.

And it is just what it was. 

Beautiful. 

There were many things not as I had wanted. 

Not my vision. 

But was it mine in the first place?

This event was Gods. 

His ways are higher than mine. 

It rained. 

People stayed. 

My heart was so full watching as folks crowded under tents. 

Not leaving.
Fellowshipping. 

There were rainbows. 

Displays of Gods workmanship. 

Reminders of His Covenant promises. 

The visitors streamed in. 

More than 300. 

This time they came to be together.

We honored Elijah.

We raised funds for his Memorial Fund. 

A Fund we pray will bless many through scholarships, 

and other ways not yet known. 

There was music and food in the mountains.

There was deep love.

It is the force of a community resting in the unity.

Family, life long friends and strangers-now family.

This life isn't about getting things my way.

It's about learning to see through Gods lens. 

For me, this will take a life time of surrender. 

Day after day of setting aside my vision for a greater purpose. 

A visit to the cross daily. 

We are grateful for all that has been given. 

We have been wrapped in layers and layers of grace. 

We will continue to surrender. 

Even while we grieve. 

Even in deep sorrow. 

We will surrender, we will praise, we will keep on keeping on. 

I love music. It feeds my soul like nothing else besides the Ancient Word.

CeCe Winans sings a classic hymn. 

I hope it ministers to your soul and raises you high on the wings that are able to carry you. 

Swaying With The Changes

The kids will head to camp today. 

I can't get the teenagers up to help get chores finished.

But today they are up shortly after me. 

Excitement. 

Camp.

Memories.

Time with fellow believers. 

Growing closer to God. 

Being refreshed and renewed.

Reminders of hope;  of life everlasting. 

I will make the drive to New York without my farmer. 

Life goes that way some times. 

There was a breakdown yesterday. 

So plans, for today, are changed. 

I don't do so well with change anymore. 

I can feel myself being unsettled. 

I take a deep breath. 

Even this, a trip to New York, is in God's hands. 

Once again, the day is beautiful. 

I have been so blessed with gorgeous travelling weather. 

This is the Lord's day.
I will rejoice and be glad in it. 

Psalm 118:24

I will rest in this day that belongs to the Lord. 

I will find the beauty in the created Universe. 

Such a gift. 

I just need eyes to see. 

Trying to let go of my Agenda and submit to the One who majors in Agenda's. 

I am embracing these days. 

Swaying with the changes. 

Trying to be open to God's Spirit moving. 

Jeremiah 31:3

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: 

"I have loved you with an everlasting love;

 I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

He loves us with an everlasting love. 

No one else ever will. 

No one ever can.

People will let us down. 

We are human. 

We make mistakes. 

That's why there is grace. 

We need to extend it more. 

Be open to how God is moving. 

Remembering no one perfect; except Christ. 

I will listen to a book on tape. 

I will step into the change for today. 

I am going to miss these kids this week. 

I will have all week to pray and prepare for the return trip to bring them home. 

It will be a year then, that our lives changed forever. 

Psalm 25:1-5

Of David. In you, LORD my God, I put my trust.

I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me 

No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame,

 but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.

Guide me in your truth and teach me, 

for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

When The Dark Is Illuminated

They've taken the floor off the porch. 

Bare. 

Exposed beams and 26 years of darkness. 

Rags, pans, leaves all brought to light. 

Accumulated through the years. 

Like our sins. 

Hidden where no one can see.

Private. 

Yet choking. 

Holding you in bondage. 

While you wallow in the dark.

It isn't until the exposure that the cleaning; the healing, can begin. 

The light transcends the darkness .

It shatters what was. 

There is relief when the dark is illuminated. 

Hiding takes work. 

Much to conceal.

In the revealing is the grace. 

The area is cleaned and closed in again. 

The boards placed are beautiful. 

The old taken away so the new can come in. 

Our old life is gone. 

It will never be the same. 

It shouldn't be. 

We are being renewed.

Transformed each day into the likeness of Christ. 

2 Corinthians 3:18

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, 

are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, 

which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

When You Need To Refocus

A new beginning. 

Another Bridal Shower. 

Such hope and sweetness on the horizon. 

The planning and fun of a party. 

Fellowship and food.
Women gathering to bless each other.

A warm, sunny afternoon.

Leisurely strolls through the meadow. 

Deep breathes of fresh air and peace. 

But it's raining. 

I want it to be sunny.
But it's not.
I think we might have to be inside.
But that's ok.
We'll go with the flow.
It's so much easier to yield to the circumstances.
When we resist, there's strife.

Isaiah 55:9
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
 so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

There's a plan. 

There always is. 

It's better to go with it, than fight. 

The radiance from the bride will be so bright it won't matter if it's indoor's or out. 

Such a beautiful image of our Savior. 

When we focus on Him; the brilliance will over shadow any other thing.

May your focus be on all that is brilliant today. 

Just Because

It's still there. 

I breathe in deep. 

Just a hint of his smell. 

I hold his pillow. 

I lay my cheek on the softness. 

I rock back and forth. 

I linger in the memories. 

It's the missing that can consume.
A desire around the pain.
Any way but through.
The wanting to hear his voice; call me mom.

We sit at the dinner table. We light his candle. 

We just miss him so much. 

And at some point you have to just stop the missing. 

Because He's not coming back.

All the uncomfortable shouts at us. 

Cedric balks at going to summer camp. 

His sister asks him 5 good reasons. 

He gives us 1. 

The day he came back from camp was the day his brother died. 

He never saw his brother when he returned. 

He didn't need to give us any others. 

These are the unexpected pieces of pain.

They are raw, subtle,  chafing. 

We talk about grace and seeing God's goodness.
 I think of all the ways He has provided for our family through this rough season.
They are too numerous to count.
Even today. A gift in the mail.
How would they know parts ordered for the swinger would leave us undone.
Would cause us to wonder what we're doing.
Would do nothing to alleviate the farmers walk in the dark pit. 
We have one step forward, too many to count backwards.
And there it was.
In the mail.
Unknown giver.
Blessed receiver.
It's the way of the cross. Grace given, Mercy received.
All because we are loved.
A gift for all Humanity.
Nothing earned.
All given.
Just because.
He first loved.

1 John 4:19
We love because he first loved us.

The Super Bowl And The Almighty. . .All In A Day

It's Sunday. 

And I know his mercies are new every morning. 

It was the immediate thought that ran through my head when 

I saw the sunrise the morning of Elijah's home-going. 

His mercy and grace have been extended greatly in the past 6 months. 

We have been carried when we can not walk. 

We have been loved and cared for by our friends and community in ways I could never have imagined. 

I am glad for this day of rest. I am weary.
The week has been long.
My emotions getting the better of me most of the time.
I can't sort out some of this journey.
It all seems so senseless.
So full of pain.
And a day of respite is much needed.
I will head to worship.
 I will seek fellowship and we will be encouraged. 
Because that is where my strength comes from.

Pslam 121:1-2
I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

Together with the maker of the universe I will rest today.
I will choose to give thanks and praise for where I am.
Won't you rest?
Take time on this Super Bowl Sunday to be quiet in the presence of the Almighty.
And then enjoy the bantering and intensity of the Superbowl.
Yes, I think God derives pleasure from us watching the Superbowl. 
I think as with anything, he is saddened by the actions which are contrary to His Word.
But He rejoices over His people.

Maybe He even chooses a team.
(Though I really only watch the National Anthem, when people could remember the words, and the halftime show; Up, Up With People was my favorite. What year was that anyway? And the Commercials; those too are my favorite. I know, it's terrible. I usually know who is playing though. . .)
God rejoices over His people; and football.
He delights in us.
He longs to be in relationship with us.
May this day be spent reconnecting with the Author of life; as well as connecting with those new friends or long time friends during the game.
And being reminded that your sins are as white as snow.
My friends, He is coming back.
And, oh, what a sweet reunion that will be.

I’ll see you in a little while
I’ll see you in a little while
It won’t be too long now
We’ll see it on the other side
The wait was only the blink of an eye
So I’m not gonna say goodbye
‘Cause I’ll see you in a little while

How Climbing That Hill Is Always Better With Others

I went for a walk yesterday. 

It started out with my walking buddy. 

But God was writing my "To Do" list.

So we gained two other people.
It was glorious to be outside.
The sun was shining, the air crisp; yet invigorating.
(Not the, "I want to run back in the house feeling")
I haven't walked since the fall.

It's been too cold and icy.
And dark.
My walking partner and I are not hardy like that.
We are fair weather walkers.
Enough said in a state where the sun rarely shines.
And it's dark. 
But we walk today.
We get to the bottom of the hill and I am done.
I get ready to turn around.
Last fall I had worked my way up to walking part way up that hill.
It was a goal and we attained it.
Now though, I hadn't walked in 2 months.
I was done.
But my sister in law said no, let's go.
(this, after we had helped her with her groceries too!)
She taunted me.
Really.
She did.
And I went.
Up that hill. 
And I complained the whole way.
I think I even called her a name or two.
And said something about liking my other walking partner better.
It was getting ugly.
And then.
We made it.
We turned around.
I complained the whole way down.
Really. I did.
But you know what. I made it up that hill. I didn't think I could do it.
I didn't have what it takes to make it. But there were 3 others around me who thought I could.
And we did it.
And I feel fine today.
What hill do you need to climb? What hill can you help someone else climb?
Sometimes the hills are mountains and we can't make it alone. 
I have learned that the mountains in front of us are daunting unless the
body of Christ gathers round.
We all have mountains in front of us.
Have someone go the distance with you.
Invite someone into your circle to share. 
We shouldn't travel alone. 
Read the manual.
God's word will never fail. 
Be prepared.
We never know what life will bring to us. 
A well worn path will lead when it is too dark to see. 

I am looking forward to the view at the top of this mountain climb I am on.
I long to see clearly, what I can only see dimly now.

I Corinthians 13:12
For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. 
Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

I want to finish this race well. 

I want each day to count for good. 

I long for each breath that I take to reflect the grace that God so freely pours out.

It can't be done alone.

And I can't do it myself. 

Only God can.

I am coming to the River and laying my burden down.