Step into His Grace

I am a mama who lost her mama. 

Nine years of cancer. 

The final stages. 

Brutal.

You say death with dignity?

Yes. 

My mama endured pain; with grace. 

She clung to her Jesus. 

Knowing He knew her name.

Knowing He would call her name when time. 

We; her children; grew strong. 

We cared for this mama of ours. 

We guided our dad as the memory thief silently crept in. 

We watched our mama as her systems shut down. 

We watched her stand in the Powerful name of Jesus, with arms lifted high at her grandchild's baptism. 

We cried out to God to call her home. 

We wept. 

For all that has been and never will be again. 

I am a mama who lost her son 7 months later. 

The irony. 

I begged for my mama to be called home. 

My beloved red head was called 
in the wee hours of a Sunday morning; 

while I slept. 

No warning. 

A life being lived. 

A future just beginning. 

My mamas heart hurts. 

It aches actually. 

Burns deep. 

The breathing. 

Each moment choosing. 

Turning from the darkness that seeks to consume. 

An abyss that calls. 

The enemy desires discouragement and fear. 

At every turn he longs for us to cave to the pressure. 

The light though. 

It shines. 

In the darkness. 

Just a small glimmer illuminates an immense area. 

As that glimmer grows the work of God ensues. 

The pain remains, yet held by the Almighty. 

A buffer. 

The price paid on Calvary carrying us through. 

The ways of the world harsh at times. 

Though for a purpose. 

One which we can not see.

Always moving forward. 

In hope. 

Clinging. 

Always hope. 

The way can get heavy. 

The path becomes dim. 

Hold on dear ones. 

Reach for the Light. 

Illuminate that darkness with the hope sent for all. 

Banish the fear. 

He came to overcome. 

He longs for time with us. 

He beckons. 

I rest. 

This weary journey gets me down. 

So I turn. 

To find rest. 

To remember the battle is not mine. 

He will overcome. 

One day soon. 

He will come again. 

His promises. 

Truth. 

His law.
Love. 

Our response. 

Obedience. 

In my weakness He is strong. 

In my surrender he reigns. 

Joy finds me; 

comforts me. 

Those inner places of longing and ache are held by the One who sees. 

Take courage my friends. 

We are held by a mighty God. 

Nothing has escaped his sight. 

He has not forgotten. 

He is there. 

Waiting. 

Longing. 

For you. 

For me. 

Step into his Grace. 

Hebrews 4:16

Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Intentional Praise Day # 26 of Thankfulness

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Praise Him all creatures here below

Praise Him above ye Heavenly hosts

Praise Father Son and Holy Ghost

We sing it every Sunday. 

For years. 

In response to giving. 

To giving of His tithe and our offering. 

The words and melody simple and familiar. 

Everyone Praise Him 

It doesn't say where, or when. 

Just to praise. 

In obedience. 

All creatures. 

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Stepping into gratitude when you want
 to step right back to bed takes practice. 

Each day tiny steps. 

Remember to encourage each other with life giving words. 

Find a way. 

Seek the blessed. 

Find the good. 

Reach for hope. 
While the missing is deep today, the choice to order my steps
 toward hope was intentional. 
We'll gather around this farm house table to celebrate our gratitude. 

Two families deep in grief. 
Two families standing on the promises of hope. 
I can not do this alone. 
My flesh is weak. 
But He is strong and in Him is my trust. 

Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song.
the Lord is the strength of his people,
a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. 

30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:
a week of surprises and love
blessings in Best Buy
a puppy who is getting stronger each day
the college girl being home
the oldest farm girl and the traditions she is making with the farmette
the farm boy and two little girls-who aren't so little anymore
forgiveness
the pink hues of the sunrise
50 degrees on Thanksgiving Day
a day set aside for giving thanks
quiet mornings and hot coffee by the fire
the Ancient Word that brings life to my weary soul
opportunities to serve in other countries
people who want to help serve the people of Haiti and drop of items to the farm
not always knowing the outcome; learning how to trust
my farmer and our life together;
 it is not always easy and we have much to learn;
prayer
all I am learning in this journey with God 


May your day be rich in the goodness and love meant for all. 
Laying down my life at the foot of the cross was 
the best decision I have ever made. 
May you know that complete peace that is offered freely. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all. 

The Importance Of Naming; remembering 9/11

She's been playing the cello for 3 years. 

She practices willingly. . . sometimes. 

This summer she didn't want to play. 

She said she was done with the cello. 

But she has music in her soul. 

She fought the entire process. 

I knew in my mommy's heart she will long to play someday. 

So we begin the fall lessons. 

She doesn't want to go. 

She is angry. 

We talk through trusting me on this one. 

That sometimes mommy's know things. 

She agree's to trust. 

This little 9 year old. 

Stepping in faith. 

A heart that has lost her brother. 

The little girl who watched her father as the effects of radiation and Chemo wracked his body. 

Now trusts. 

She goes to her lesson. 

I watch as she plays. 

Her instructor is a gem. 

She is able to get this little fire cracker to focus and produce sounds to soothe the angels. 

She plays a scale. 

One she knows. 

Something within her being clicks. 

The words her instructor says, her presence of mind, something. 

And she shouts I get it. 

The music, the notes, the steps.

It all makes sense to her. 

Tears well. 

Those "Aha" moments are priceless. 

Moments when there is clarity.

Discovery. 

She has grown. 

This little 9 year old. 

My baby. 

No longer a baby. 

She needs a bigger sized cello. 

We head downtown. 

She is so excited. 

She hugs her "Lily" good bye. 

She gathers her new cello. 

When we get home. 

The first thing she wants to do is play. 

The  next thing is to name her cello. 

She had wanted to wait until she played it to name it. 

I couldn't help but think of the name of the Lord. 

What a strong tower. 

Proverbs 18:10

The name of the LORD is a fortified tower; 

the righteous run to it and are safe

His name is wonderful. 

He is our rock and fortress. 

What a gift. 

I pray that as Ella grows in her faith she will soon have that "clarity" of knowing Jesus as her Savior. 

Oh, what a glorious moment when you realize the grace with which your soul has been ransomed. 

How glorious knowing your sins are forgiven. . .as far as the east is from the west. 

And that one day. All will be made right. 

And so she plays her cello. 

She says it sounds like a boy. 

I am naming him "Elijah."

Isaiah 43:1

But now, this is what the LORD says-- he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

As we observe this day, September 11, 2014 and the terrible losses on that day. 

May we name those that have gone before us. 

Saying the names out loud.
Seeing them in writing or hearing them is a gift for those that grieve. 

Leave a name or your story in the comments. 

May we all remember today that evil exists. 

But there is One that is much greater. 

He has conquered the grave. 

God will return. 

One day all will be made right. 

Our task is to share the love of Jesus.

Be his hands and feet. 

Remembering today the families of all those lost loved one 13 years ago today. 

I Fear She Will Forget

Today is the anniversary of  Davis Farm's first blog post. 

Little did I know then how this blog would become an outlet for my expression 

through deep grief and cancer. 

How I would wrestle with all things eternal.

It seems like just yesterday that Gary and the kids went off to the Williston Parade. 

As usual there had been much activity. 

It was nice to have a few moments to myself. 

I can't remember what I did with those moments. 

I am sure I made an ice cream cake for Eleanor's birthday. 

I probably wrote the post. 

But most importantly our family was intact. 

Elijah was still here. 

We only had 24 days left with him. 

I wonder. 

Would I have changed anything? 

I don't think so. 

I have lived my life intentionally. 

Even when I was younger. 

The way for me confusing at times but mostly clear. 

I didn't need to be rebellious.

I didn't like being in trouble or letting people down. 

I loved the Lord and strove to please him. 

As I have matured, so has my walk with the Lord. 

It has been years of seeking. 

I was obedient to God. 

Each moment a gift. 

Not always perfect. 

I loved my kids. 

I did what I thought best. 

I am sure I was too rough or short with them. 

But I told them I loved them. 

I showed them. 

Even the night Elijah left. 

I hugged and kissed him. 

I have no regrets; just that he's gone. 

So thank you for a year of reading our posts. 

Our baby is now 9.

She has grown so much.

She loves to help. 

She knows how to get snuggie. 

God knew what he was doing when he sent this gift to us. 

We weren't expecting another child.

He knew how much I would need her. 

Her snuggles and smiles help me through. 

She still needs me and that gives me purpose. 

Her year has been full of really hard lessons. 

I fear she will forget. 

I encourage her to tell me stories of Elijah.

 The hope that the telling will ingrain in her mind his memory. 

It is the telling we need to do as well. 

The telling of the promises and the hope found in a life surrendered to Christ. 

The telling of his love and grace. 

Deuteronomy 11:18-19 

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

We must never stop the telling. 

We must remember. 

For in remembering we have hope. 

Happy Birthday my sweet Ella. 

Thank you for the reminder to never stop telling. 

May you grow to love Jesus more and more. 

May his love shine upon you. 

May you do great things for His Kingdom and share hope and love to this hurting world.