When You Become the Same Age as Your Brother

He's turning 17.

That farm boy. 

The same age as his brother. 

No longer here. 

The two so similar.

Yet so different. 

My heart aches. 

The farm boy is full of ideas.

So creative.

Full of energy and youth. 

He loves deeply.

Plays hard.

Confident. 

Yet is haunted by the joy thief. 

He rises to fight. 

He digs deep to keep two feet planted. 

He's growing corn; trading vehicles. 

Making payments on a tractor. 

Building his future. 

Yet these things he holds lightly in view of eternity. 

Because that's his desire. 

A life lived in surrender. 

No matter the struggle. 

While he works to create his path,

 he rests in the One who is making that path. 

I watch as the farm boy heads out the door. 

I think about the day he was born. 

Labor beginning just as the alarm sounds to head to the barn at 3 a.m.. 

His arrival at 4:19 a.m.

Born just as milking begins. 

Quick.

He's grown about 5 inches this year. 

No longer a young boy. 

He's a man. 

And it's hard on the mama. 

I want to fight his battles. 

I want the world to be nice to him. 

I want to shield him from the death of his brother and everything else.

He's my boy. 

But he is God's boy first. 

And long ago on a Sunday morning I handed over the

authority to the One who called us to life. 

I surrendered this beautiful child to the King of all Kings. 

I remember that vow. 

I hold tightly to knowing God is fighting for him; more than me. 

God is rejoicing over him. 

Zephaniah 3:17

The Lord your God is with you,

    the Mighty Warrior who saves.

He will take great delight in you;

    in his love he will no longer rebuke you,   

 but will rejoice over you with singing.

So today, I rejoice. 

It is work. 

Some day it won't be. 

I walk the path of gratitude for his life. 

I shake off the "what ifs". 

Happy Birthday Cedric Trevor Davis. 

You are a gift and a treasure. 

I looking forward to how God will use you for His glory. 

Thank you for your energy and zest in this life. 

May your blue eyes always twinkle. 

Through the Music Day #12 of Thankfulness

I clean up the kitchen. 

Last nights mess. 

Not even the current chaos. 

There is a presence in this place. 

A peace. 

Remembering in the pain. 
It's grip strong today. 
I play music.

Beautiful.  

(Pandora is a wonderful thing.)

The urge to call my mom strong. 
To talk about holiday plans; and a list of so many other things. 

The music plays on

It soothes my being. 

I recognize the melody and style. 

Both favorites of my mom. 

Interesting how that song, played by that accompanist would come on at this exact moment. 

I move through the tasks of tidying up; my heart filled with gratitude. 

I may have lost much in a short amount of time. 
But I had much to lose. . . and for that I am grateful. 

~ 30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:

 my mom who filled our home with a great love for many things

music that stirs the memory like no other

a family that grew up with music

the memories of holidays filled with joy and excitement

knowing that God holds all these things 
the ache that will one day be taken away
a view of open land and a gorgeous mountain
children who know the meaning of work
the opportunity for my farmer and kids to go to Haiti
this practice of digging into gratitude
the unseasonably warm days and bright sunshine
hanging clothes to dry in November
a freezer full of summer
baking
the first sip of the mornings hot coffee 
the quiet before the farmhouse stirs


May this day hold for you much gratitude. 
A lightening and surrender of the burden you carry. 


1Thessolonians 5:18
give thanks in all circumstances; 
for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

The Ultimate Sacrifice Day #11 of Thankfulness

Fancy pants dining. 

It's what they do. 

All these kids. 

From the time they were little. 

Aunt Clara's china being used. 

The candle light glowing. 

It's in those moments I see the table full. 

All the seats occupied. 

The laughter and joy around the farmhouse table. 

Things have changed. 

So much. 

One space remains empty; forever. 

The future, here on this earth, not mine to know. 

I know he was dedicated. 

Committed. 

He wanted to serve this country with his life. 

 The eleventh hour on the eleventh day of the eleventh month. 

We celebrate today because of the lives given. 

Sacrificed for our freedom. 

For men and woman who selflessly stand so we can sleep. 

Elijah would have made an amazing marine. 

But God called him home. 

His work finished. 

For those of us left- we still have work to do. 

We honor these men and woman because of the life give for us. 

The ultimate sacrifice was made on our behalf as One walked willingly to the cross.
He gave. . .all.
So that we may be free.
A symbol.
An example.
For God and Country.

~ 30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:

Veteran's Day

a grandfather and uncles who served this country

my dad who gave to serve

Harold, a family friend who served and influenced 

our son Elijah so much

those men and woman who have pledged to protect and

 serve our country

the families of those men and woman -thank you 

a son who never wavered in his desire to serve

those that came alongside of Elijah as he trained and prepared

For the glimpses of grace along this journey

 a flag flown over Parris Island on Elijah's birthday- 
the day he would have left for boot camp
 a gift of the Marine Flag

 an enlisted Marine who knew Elijah 
and came to the door to meet this grieving mama- 
who returned from boot camp and brought a copy of his
 boot camp memory book 
the extended warmth and sunshine this fall
 backyard prayer
grace for each day
my farmers family that shows how to live out this grace each day
 my family and their unending love and support- and laughter

My cousin posted this picture for me




Thank you to all for serving. 
We owe you a debt of gratitude. 

John 15:3
Greater love has no one than this:
 to lay down one's life for one's friends.


Here is a video clip of Marines singing, 
"Days of Elijah"

Do You Have Plans For The Next 40 Days? ( a re-post from the archives)

Today is the beginning of Lent. 

A practice many in the Christian church do not observe. 

A practice centuries old; representing Jesus' time in the quiet; in the wilderness. 

It was during this time he was tempted by Satan;

Matthew 4:3-4 The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

It was during this time that he fasted for 40 days.
A time when he was tired, hungry and weak. 

He withdrew from all the chaos and hustle in town. 

He needed time. 

He needed quiet. 

He was about to endure the cross. 

His heart needed sweet communion with His Father. 

As I have grown older and find myself so easily distracted;

 times like Advent and Lent have become intentional times of focus on the quietness of my heart. 

I have grown to love these times and see the beauty in
why they were included in the church calendar. 

We tend to be so busy. Running here and there.
For good things; good purposes. 

We pray, we worship.

 We tend to forget to be quiet before the Lord. 

Just be still; in his presence. 

Time to shut out the schedule, the demands of the day; to be silent. 

Matthew 4:1-2 tells us that God led Jesus into the wilderness, where he fasted for 40 days. 

I only know of one person who fasted for 40 days.

 He was in the guards and was called to go to Iraq. 

He would tell us of his walk each week. 

It was a powerful journey. 

Why are we so afraid of quiet? 

(Me included. I talk way too  much, just ask the farmer)

Why does quiet prayer and silence leave us undone? 

Last year during Lent,
I attempted to add a trait to my walk instead of depriving myself of something. 

A practice to encourage your walk with the Lord. 

Maybe you're going to attempt to read the bible every day, 

There are great tools out there to help that process. 

The youversion bible allows you to down load the program to your computer or phone
and it will read to you and keep track of where you are.
So, your morning commute can be part of your bible time. 

Or when the kids are napping.
This is just one way and one program. 

I have been using a bookmark tracking system, that works for me. 

There are 4 book marks placed in the bible. 

You have 5 days of grace in each month. ( so thankful) 

Ann Voskamp also has developed a Lenten Devotional that we have used as well. 

These are just tools to enhance a practice to bring us closer to God. 

Choose to make Lent a game changer.

 It takes 30 days to develop a new habit.
This is 40. 

Take action to improve your walk with God.
To get closer to him. 

Maybe your marriage needs 40 days of intentional focus. 

Do something quiet for your spouse each day. 

There is "The Love Dare"

Use these next 40 days to make changes. 

It is a beautiful practice. 

It is not a command or a mandate. 

But a practice that has merit and beauty.

The woman in our church are using the tool:

Writing to God: 40 Days of Praying with My Pen (Active Prayer Series)

My cry this Lent will be to continue to seek the "what" God has next for our family. 

What do we do in the aftermath of living a life without our Elijah?

What does it look like when  it seems cancer is at bay?
When a part of your farmer and farm girls heart remains in Haiti.
When there are children needing love.  

I will seek Who God is in all of  this. 

In the quiet.