What Does Straight Forward Mean Anyway?

He calls me on my cell. 

I have just arrived at the allergist for Christiana's appointment.

I have cancer he says.

I don't feel a thing. 

Ok. I say. 

It is rare.

Only 30 people in the world have been diagnosed. 

The first case was in Czechoslovakia.

The doctor said I've been talked about all over the world.

It should be straight forward.

In my mind I think, straight forward? 

This was supposed to be a cyst. 

How straight forward is cancer? 

Pslam 139:13
For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I don't know what to feel.

We are celebrating 20 years of marriage next week.
I promised more of the story then. . .
I want there to be many more years and stories.

And I feel like nothing lately has been straight forward.

Yet, we arrive home from the long day out.
And a praying saint waits in the driveway.
How did she know we'd arrive at that time?
We pray.
We are not alone.
Another family had planned on making us dinner.
I didn't have to think.
We broke bread together like Kings and Queens.
We are not alone.

One of Gary's favorite Praise Songs is
"In Christ Alone."
In Christ alone, my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

This is the God we know.
This is where we will stand through this storm.
We will stand together.
And we will give Praise no matter what continues to come our way.
Even when we don't feel like it. 
Even when it all feels heavy and weighed down.
We will stand and praise.

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled when strivings ceased
My Comforter, My All in All
Here in the love of Christ. . . We stand. . .

When You Think The Journey Can't Get Any Harder

I am thankful for the time.

I sit in the doctors office.

I am writing very over due thank you notes while I wait for Gary.

He is having a simple procedure to remove a cyst from his face.

I notice the waiting room start to fill.

This doesn't seem like a place that runs behind.
I glance at my watch and am shocked to see how much time has passed.
I can feel it in the pit of my stomach.
Something is wrong.
The nurse comes out and ushers me back to the room.
Gary is sitting with his back to me.
The doctor shares the news with me.
He could not remove the mass because it is not a cyst.
It is a tumor.
I can feel myself tense, ready for the next words.
Possibly cancerous.
It will need to be removed.
It will be more invasive.
He sent a biopsy out.

We chat with the doctor about next steps and the care for the wound.
We get in the car to drive home.
I ask Gary how he's feeling.
He says terrible;
he really needs a chocolate milk shake and he will feel better.
I smile.
That is my farmer.
Everything in stride.




We don't know what lies ahead.
But we'll deal with it.
Together.
With God. . .
And a few chocolate milk shakes.

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, 
for tomorrow will worry about itself. 
Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Our hands are wide open. 

We are trusting with all we have. 

And we will be still.