I Would Like a Do Over Day #6 of Thankfulness

We stand in line. 

I fuss, I fume. 

The event already started. 

And we're outside. 

I complain. 

I feel anxious. 

I question why I've come. 

I wonder why they don't have a better system. 

Many thoughts run through my head. 

It is not until I am home. 

Until it is late at night that I process this. 

I missed out on so many blessings because I stepped into anxiety. 

Instead of using the beautiful gift of gratitude

 I jumped off the cliff into dangerous water. 

I let frustration and other emotions crowd out the blessings of the evening. 

This life is a journey. 

We will make mistakes and shake our head at our foolishness. 

This morning I am shaking off what was. 

And stepping into what hasn't been. 

(really I am shaking off a late night and drinking lots of coffee)

I want this walk of gratitude to change me. 

~30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am Thankful For:

An anxiety filled night so lessons may be learned

My farmer and family taking the night off to see a concert

Learning that my farmer's last concert with Elijah was seeing Cast Crowns

the 10 year old farm girl singing the words to every song - 

even as she is falling asleep in my arms

spending time with my SIL- both deeply grieving the loss of our sons

quiet mornings to process the journey

Reminders that even though I mess up- I am forgiven

that as far as the East is from the West -

so far has he removed my transgressions

a new day dawning

10,000 reasons to sing

A niece that lifts her hands to worship - I am learning much from her

unending grace

coffee therapy

I would love a do-over of last night. 

Actually, there are many nights I'd like a do over. 

One in particular. 

While that's not possible. 

Changing my heart is. 

It's not easy. 

Be thankful in all circumstances takes work. 

So today I will attempt to fill those anxious moments with thanks. 

How is your Gratitude walk going? 

An Act of Obedience

It's been a while 

I wake to the heavy, raw feeling. 

My constant companion for so long. 

The weight pressing in. 

I haven't slept well. 

A needy dog. 

I feel tired. 

Worn. 

These days. 

Are the hardest. 

The pushing through. 

Imperative. 

Yet the strength it takes. 

The work. 

I close my eyes. 

I trust. 

I cry out to the LORD. 

It is only by his grace. 

It is by his power, that we move. 

His journey to the cross. 

My journey to glory. 

I will myself to begin the day. 

I lay all of my thoughts and emotions at the feet of Jesus. 

2 Corinthians 10:5

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

This is an act of obedience. 

A battle of the wills. 

I can not do this on my own. 

The missing is great these days. 

The Halloween's past. 

Walking past his room. . . day after day. 

Hopes and dreams dashed. 

So much is changing. 

It's so easy to sit and despair. 

But I will not succumb. 

I head to the Ancient Word. 

I sit in the stillness of the morning. 

This day belongs to the Creator of the Universe. 

I long to be his hands and feet. 

I rest in the quiet;

listening for His voice. 

I don't want to do the work of this world on my own. 

I want to know and be known. 

It is only in his quiet presence that the stillness of my heart can be heard. 

Left to it's own, my spirit races and dances with anxiety. 

The heaviness descends and threatens to choke.

It is in His strength that I step. 

In His grace that I bow my knee and lift my hands in sweet surrender. 

We don't have to walk this journey alone. 

We have One who intercede's on our behalf. 

What a gift. 

It is this that guides my thoughts. 

I breathe deeply the freedom in Christ. 

No matter how heavy this world becomes, 

there is One who longs to carry my burden. 

Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,

 and I will give you rest.

The sun peeks over the mountain, casting pink and cloudy rays of light. 

A new day is dawning. 

I will walk in the hope and strength given. 

My eyes are wide open. 

My spirit weak; but willing. 

With each breath I take I will seek to do the Father's will.

Psalm 31:4

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.

Casting Crowns

Just be Held

Hold it all together

Everybody needs you strong

But life hits you out of nowhere

And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting

Chained by your control

There's freedom in surrender

Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away

You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held

Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place

I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm

You'll wonder if I love you still

But if your eyes are on the cross

You'll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted

In time, you'll understand

I'm painting beauty with the ashes

Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes

In the storm is where you'll find Me

And where you are, I'll hold your heart

I'll hold your heart

Come to Me, find your rest

In the arms of the God who won't let go