I Will Trust You, Part II, Even in the Desert

The Israelites were asked to trust. 

To trust God to take them out of a land. 

To bring them to a land flowing with milk and honey. 

The problem was. . . 

They needed to go through the desert first. 

The barren, harsh, desert. 

For forty years they wandered. 

Forty years they waited to see the land promised. 

For most of those who left Egypt, they never lived to see the Promise. 

Are you in a desert place? 

During these desert times, God is ever present. 

As the Israelite's traveled they were hemmed in by fire and cloud. 

God went before them. 

God was with them 

God went behind them. 

Many of you have contacted my farmer and I over this latest trial. 

We are so encouraged by your words. 

We sing a chorus during worship. 

"You are perfect in all of your ways."

We sing it over and over. 
It's not until about the time that I start to think, 
we have sung this line too many times, 
that I realize what I am singing. 
I let the truth wash over me. 
God is reminding me. 
Holding me fast. 
His ways are perfect. 
He is perfect in every way. 
Sometimes repetition is good. 
Sometimes it takes that long for the message to reach our heart. 

God is calling us to wait. 

We are choosing to be still.
Waiting to see what God will do. 
Hoping in the promises given. 
Knowing that our desert will not last for ever. 
One day;
the trials of this earth will be shaken for good. 
They will be cast off for all of eternity. 
For now we will rest in the Ancient Word. 
Place our feet on unshifting sand.
We will keep our gaze to the Cross. 
Where the battle was won. 
Where victory was claimed. 

No matter what happens. 
No matter the outcome. 
God is still good. 
He is worthy of our praise. 
He will bring about his plan. 
And above all; His name will be praised. 

I hope you will take a few minutes to listen to this song. 
The first few notes still bring such sweet memories of a wonderful
 time in my life. 
My High School years when God took me and began preparing me for all the was to be in my life. 


Petra
More Power 

"They that wait upon the Lord Shall renew their strength"

"Put on all His armor and fight the good fight, and in all our weakness we become so strong He gives us the power and the strength to carry on. "

When I Couldn't See

My dearest Elijah,

It is Sunday Morning. 

February 28th. 

It's been 31 months since you breathed your last. 

I sit here by the fire aching from within. 

Life continuing its ebb and flow all the while something so not right. 

It is the pain a parent walks with each moment after a child has been taken. 

No matter how strong my walk with God. 

No matter how much faith I have; the pain remains. 

You are gone. 

My life here altered forever. 

I think of the sunrise that Sunday morning. 

The incredible grace bestowed on our family as we began 

the journey of living with out you. 

A heart in the sky. 

I didn't have eyes to see. 

Another parted the way so I could see. 

This has happened often. 

The view of another; giving great in sight. 

You see grief can blind you. 

The piercing ache and emptiness bubbling beneath the surface. 

Holidays and birthdays reminders of deep loss. 

So, Elijah, it was pictures this week that helped me to see. 

A post from Jonathan. 

Reminding me others remember too.

A chance meeting with the college girl in a friends room. 

A friend of a friend is there. 

You know how that goes. 

He's from Vermont. 

He played Lacrosse. 

He knows the friends. 

And this picture just happens to be in his photos. 

2 photo's I have never seen. 

2 gifts in one week. 

While we wait for another test to see if Daddy's cancer is back.

These photo's surfaced. 

Both of you. 
Both I have never seen before. 

Parting the way, when I couldn't see. 

While the pictures take my breath away and bring me to my knees. 

They also remind me of the great, great joy you brought me. 

I had 17 wonderful years with you. 

Tumultuous at times. 

But full of wonder and joy. 

Your sister is getting ready to have her baby. 

This grieves me that those girls will never know their Uncle. 

But God knew all this. 

He has known since before you were born the number of days you would spend here on this earth. 

While  I don't like his plan. 

We will keep on keeping on. 

We will tell those little nieces of yours all about their Uncle Lijy. 

We will tell them about the God of the Universe that created you;

and them. 

I miss you so much. 

I long to hear your voice; see that crooked smile. 

 I miss arguing over everything with you. 

I hate the thought of the accident morning. 

I'm trying hard to let God work in me. 

To use these broken memories for His Glory. 

We will go to Worship this morning Elijah. 

I look to the balcony each Sunday. 

Not because I might see you there. 

But because it's a habit. 

Always looking to see if you were there; and paying attention. 

I needed this chat. 

There's so much going on. 

Sometimes I just need to rest.

To remember. 

Pictures to part the way when I couldn't see. 

I am trusting with all my heart in God's perfect plan. 

An Act of Obedience

It's been a while 

I wake to the heavy, raw feeling. 

My constant companion for so long. 

The weight pressing in. 

I haven't slept well. 

A needy dog. 

I feel tired. 

Worn. 

These days. 

Are the hardest. 

The pushing through. 

Imperative. 

Yet the strength it takes. 

The work. 

I close my eyes. 

I trust. 

I cry out to the LORD. 

It is only by his grace. 

It is by his power, that we move. 

His journey to the cross. 

My journey to glory. 

I will myself to begin the day. 

I lay all of my thoughts and emotions at the feet of Jesus. 

2 Corinthians 10:5

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

This is an act of obedience. 

A battle of the wills. 

I can not do this on my own. 

The missing is great these days. 

The Halloween's past. 

Walking past his room. . . day after day. 

Hopes and dreams dashed. 

So much is changing. 

It's so easy to sit and despair. 

But I will not succumb. 

I head to the Ancient Word. 

I sit in the stillness of the morning. 

This day belongs to the Creator of the Universe. 

I long to be his hands and feet. 

I rest in the quiet;

listening for His voice. 

I don't want to do the work of this world on my own. 

I want to know and be known. 

It is only in his quiet presence that the stillness of my heart can be heard. 

Left to it's own, my spirit races and dances with anxiety. 

The heaviness descends and threatens to choke.

It is in His strength that I step. 

In His grace that I bow my knee and lift my hands in sweet surrender. 

We don't have to walk this journey alone. 

We have One who intercede's on our behalf. 

What a gift. 

It is this that guides my thoughts. 

I breathe deeply the freedom in Christ. 

No matter how heavy this world becomes, 

there is One who longs to carry my burden. 

Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,

 and I will give you rest.

The sun peeks over the mountain, casting pink and cloudy rays of light. 

A new day is dawning. 

I will walk in the hope and strength given. 

My eyes are wide open. 

My spirit weak; but willing. 

With each breath I take I will seek to do the Father's will.

Psalm 31:4

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.

Casting Crowns

Just be Held

Hold it all together

Everybody needs you strong

But life hits you out of nowhere

And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting

Chained by your control

There's freedom in surrender

Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away

You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held

Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place

I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm

You'll wonder if I love you still

But if your eyes are on the cross

You'll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted

In time, you'll understand

I'm painting beauty with the ashes

Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes

In the storm is where you'll find Me

And where you are, I'll hold your heart

I'll hold your heart

Come to Me, find your rest

In the arms of the God who won't let go

In an Impulsive, Immediate Gratification Seeking Culture. . . I Will Wait

God closed a door. 

And I didn't like it. 

He'd already slammed the door in other ways in our lives. 

This felt like it was just the last straw. 

I vacillated between anger and trying to trust. 

Leaning on what I know. . . not on what I feel. 

Those are hard things. 
This world throws things into our pathway. 

At each turn; we choose. 
We can step into grace. 
Seeking wisdom in the walk. 
Trusting in a plan held by a Divine Creator. 
Or we can let this world drag us down. 

Bitterness and anger seep in. 

I started down that path. 
Justifying my behavior. 
Condoning my feelings with self gratifying words. 
"I" this and "I" that. 
The door closed. 
And I wasn't prepared. 

Proverbs 16:9
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.

All my planning and trusting led to another closed door. 

I am not sure where God is leading. 

But I trust the direction. 

I trust that God is establishing our steps. 

So, I will continue to wait. 

Waiting takes work. 

Seeking, trusting, waiting. 

In an impulsive and immediate gratification society 
these words slam against the culture. 

I don't want to take a step out of His will. 

 I will wait. 

I will listen for the still quiet voice. 

The voice that soothes this aching heart. 

The voice that will bring about His plan, in His timing. 

 I will wait. 

Seeking, trusting, and waiting. 

Isaiah 40:31
 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; 
they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary;
 and they shall walk, and not faint.