When You Become Older Than Your Brother

Today. 

She is 18.

The age her brother never saw. 

The age we were anticipating. 

She, now older than him. 

We knew this would happen. 

He will remain. . . Young Forever.

She,will forge on ahead. 

A life full of hopes and dreams. 

She will cling to her rock. 

Her Savior. 

Trusting for each day. 

At Summer Bible Camp she gave a testimony. 

Brief. 

Yet a reminder that Jesus reigns. 

That her life belongs to another. 

Her pain and sadness is known by a Holy and Loving God. 

That Elijah is safe. . . at home. 

With God. 

Truth.

I marvel at her strength. 

Her perseverance. 

Her willingness to share; God is in control. 

Her desire to live intentionally. 

We will celebrate this life given to us. 

No matter how hard the walk grows to be, One thing remains;

Isaiah 40:28

Do you not know? Have you not heard? 

The LORD is the everlasting God, 

the Creator of the ends of the earth. 

He will not grow tired or weary, 

and his understanding no one can fathom.

Today. 

She is 18. 

Today. 

We choose to celebrate. 

This picture is. . . and will remain one of my most favorites. 

Happy Birthday Clarissa! 

A Recipe To Lighten Anyone's Load

They ask me to please let them go.   

I know I am in for a day of it if I say yes. 

And I know the memories will be lost forever if I say no. 

My little princess girls want to help their daddy in the wee hours.

When the darkness is the deepest. 

And the Joy Thief can be relentless. 

When the mundane is elevated. 

But the farmer isn't himself and that which was once fun for him; now produces anxiety. 

Once there was joy when the kids wanted to get up to milk. 

An adventure; counting stars. 

Sometimes the Northern Lights. 

It was one of the gifts Elijah would often share of the starlit walks to 

the barn with his earthly father. 

Oh how he was just beginning to see the wisdom in the life we lead. 

Now, it produces angst and I balk at letting them go. 

In the end I say yes. 

My farmer assures me it will be ok. 

I know he is trying. 

They understand the need to be very responsible. 

They gather their barn gear before they go to bed.

They want to be all ready. 

They will perfect the stealth their father possesses to scare me out of my skin.

In the early hours, I don't hear them go. Stealth lesson complete.  

They come home sleepy and hungry. 

It is the farming way. 

They have worked hard. 

I make them hot chocolate and breakfast while they take showers. 

The farmer comes in and I want to know how it went. 

He says it wasn't bad. 

He tried to relax and enjoy. 

He chose the moment. 

No more. No less. 

It is all God asks. 

Be in the moment. 

Seek Him. 

How this joy thief needs to go. 

  I don't want to miss the days that we have left. 

The burden of each day weighted down. 

I finish feeding the girls. 

We get ready to start school. 

I breathe deep. 

These 2 girls are a gift.

They were not part of "my plan".

They are the balm to the wound. 

A reason to get up in the morning. 

Their giggles like a million bells peeling together. 

They bring us all great joy. 

We count our gifts. 

Each gift a lesson during these trying days. 

So much to be grateful for. 

Pushing through the pain and heartache to find the good. 

To seek the holy. 

Psalm 105:3

Glory in his holy name;

 let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice.

To Turn Back Time. . .Day # 5 of Thankfulness

We have turned the clocks back an hour.

So easy.

Just turn the knob, press a button.

Boom.

It's finished.

We gain an hour.

Just like that.

Oh, how I long for one more hour.

Yet, I think, if I knew; if I knew I had only one hour left with Elijah, would it have changed anything? 

My mom just left the earth in December. We knew she was dying. We begged the Lord to take her. We told her we loved her over and over. We told her it was o.k. to leave. And it was. It wasn't really, but it was. She had lived a good life-too short in my book. (Though the definition of  too short would change in a little over 7 months) She had fought a valiant battle with cancer.
It was time. But she lingered.
Oh the agony of watching your dear mother hang in the balance of this world and the next.
God was still present. He was still sovereign. . .and Good.
Hebrews 4:16
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence; 
so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. 

 I was not granted another hour with Elijah. His life abruptly ended; with no warning.
Time can not be turned back.
Time marches forward.
A steady beat.

Click on the link to hear
Mikayla's tribute to Elijah

 I was granted a hug and a kiss before he left.
I was granted moments in that day that are ingrained forever.
Even while they were happening they were crisp.
Everything with Elijah was like that.
There are no guarentee's in this life.
We need to be ready.
We may be called home at any moment.
Are you ready?
Have you healed relationships?
Have you loved well?

But I have been granted other hours, on this earth to finish the life I have.
I want to finish them well.
I want to be found faithful.
I want my life to count for God's Kingdom.

On this day #5 of Thankfulness
I am Thankful for:
A daughter that lights up a room with her laugh

My first girl, so delicate and sweet
her friendships
her unwavering faith in the Lord
her ability to derail any serious conversation where she may be in a wee bit of trouble
The way she loves her siblings

her love for her brother who now resides with the King of Kings

her heart that is strong and sensitive
her messy room
(I am putting into practice the attitide change)
her musical and athletic ability
leadership qualities
her confidence in who she is in the LORD
for getting her license in a truck she had never driven
her blatant honesty
her strength when she lost her sweet puppy and brother in 2 weeks time
her willingness to still tell me too much information
For texting when she leaves and arrives at a place just because she knows it helps me
for all the years of driving to and from MA while Nana was sick
never complaining when I missed games, or concerts because I was out of town taking care of Nana
Making the best Pumpkin Latte's. . . .ever
Because when it comes down to it. . .it's all about the coffee

May this thankful journey be one of great joy.
This is my one song I am trying to listen to, to put one foot in front of the other.
It's a brand new day.
Make it count.
No matter what you're going through. . .
And may you feel the hope rising.

The Honor of being the Ugly Step Mom. . .who came up with that term anyway?

Today she turns 26.

She came into my world in a different way. 

Her blue eyes and precious smile captivated me right away.

Her long blonde hair flowing in the breeze.

Her hand tucked snugly into mine.

Bedtime stories and afternoon walks.

These stole my heart. 

Along with the father who loved her so. 

Years of Field Hockey games, homework, playdates,
 road trips to see her in college; all done now.

That precious young child has grown into a beautiful woman.

All the girls.

 And then a wonderful young man stole her heart.

But never from her daddy.

And the 2 became one.

On the farm of her birth.

And in God's precious mercy while we mourn the loss of one called home;
we also celebrate the coming of new life.

So happy Birthday Chelsea Davis Brittain.
I may only hold the title of ugly step-mom;
but it's been an honor and one of my greatest joys.

Psalm 127:3
Children are a gift from the Lord;
    they are a reward from him.