Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Grief Is Work And It Takes Time

Some days the breathing is hard. 
As if I take a breath and all will spill over. 
The breath that will split the scar. 
The ache that lies just beneath the surface. 

Day after day. 
The missing. 
The longing. 
One more word. 
One more hug. 
A future. 
Where would he be right now? 
How is he feeling? 
I want to be numb. 
I don't want to feel the pain. 
It sears and burns. 

This thought line is in vain. 

It leaves an emptiness that can never be filled. 
These desires unfulfilled; this side of eternity. 
The focus of my thoughts in need of a shift. 
My downward glance forced to move. 
Steps to the cross. 

Step by aching step. 
The relentless giving over that brings the peace. 
The turning from the earthly grit to look upon the heavenly throne. 
Because there. . .
There in lies the hope. 
The majesty. 
The purpose. 
We are here. 
For a reason. 
We were created. 
By His hands. 
For His purposes. 
No matter how the agony of this world settles in; there is always hope. 
Hope in Christ. 
Hope in more than I can fathom.
As the days continue their march. 
As the waves of grief surface and catch me off guard, I turn. 
I reach and dig for the truth. 
The truth that sets us free. 
The truth that reminds me I am His. 
He will never leave me nor forsake me. 
No matter how the pain cripples. 

He is stronger. 

While I continue to grapple with the unknown. 
The future with out my son. 
I know that my Redeemer has ransomed my soul. 
I have been bought with a price and He will never let me go. 
It's been 21 months since I have seen this child of mine. 

Ah, since I have gazed into those baby blues. 
How I long to hear his voice. 
My mama's heart torn forever.
Yet there is a promise. 
Before the foundation of time. 

This is not our home. 

We are strangers passing through. 

John 14:1-2
Jesus said, "Let not your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also."

God is actively preparing a place for us. 
Better than we can ever imagine. 
Our focus and our hope remains there. 
Our work here to continue to share God's message. 
To spread his love. 
To share and live in truth. 
To give hope to the weary travelers. 
As Spring begins, new buds begin to show. 
The old is cast off. 

Isaiah 43:19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

I am waiting to see what God will do. 
I am open to his leading. 
I want to know how he will take this broken hearted mama and use this pain for his glory. 
But I need to be open and ready. 
If I am stuck in the grief and glorifying the pain, I won't have eyes to see. 
This is my work. 
May the work you need to do in your soul be wrapped in the glory of the Holy One. 
May He guide each of your steps as you hold tightly to the promises given. 

David Crowder
I Am

. . .Never let go 
never leave my side. 
I Am holding on to you.
I Am holding on to you
In the middle of the storm 
I am holding on
I Am.

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