His Chains Are Gone. . .. He's Been Set Free

His chains are gone. He's been set free. 

All he knows is peace and more peace. 

It is we, who are left behind that need the prayers. 

We walk the hard road. 

We have walked the year to a different beat. 

Longing for a familiar cadence. 

Not to be. 

Walking the road of grief; blindsided by cancer. 

Uplifted by grace of a community. 

Reminders continually of the strength we need to persevere. 

The unthinkable has happened. 

It has been a year of firsts. 

A year with out my mom a year with out my son. 

A year with cancer. 

I can't imagine a future without Elijah. 

So I will take one day at a time. 

We will continue to embrace with gratitude, each moment. 

We will revel in the small things. 

We will share the message of hope with all who will listen. 

My journey is not over. 

Though days I long for it to be. 

I will seek the work still needed to be done. 

Will you make a difference in this world? 

Will a corner be different because you cared? 

If maybe for a moment you stopped;

turned, and gave. 

What a difference we could make. 

It doesn't take a lot. 

It takes a little of us all working together to make a lot of difference. 

We can change the world by offering one nice comment. 

Extending grace. 

One act of kindness a day. 

Elijah's life ended abruptly. 

The course of events changed forever. 

My hopes and dreams shattered. 

My soul weary from grief. 

Through it all one thing has remained. 

We knew where he was going. 

We have a sweet assurance. 

The journey to the cross difficult and riddled with pain. 

But it is the way. 

There is hope.

There is solid ground. 

I will praise my Savior; each and every moment. 

Psalm 43:5

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? 

Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, 

my Savior and my God.

As we sat in the waiting room before the funeral. 

We sang Amazing Grace. 

I missed my mom. 

I longed for my boy. 

Thank you all for walking this journey with our family. 

For loving our children. 

For being the hands and feet of Jesus. 

This song has ministered to my heart this year along with many others. 

I have been set free. 

My sinful soul is covered by His amazing grace. 

May you all know that grace. 

That unconditional love. 

Blooming In The Barren Land. . . It Can Be Done

While in captivity in a foreign land the Israelites were asked to sing songs for their captors.
To sing songs of joy amidst deep heartache and sadness;
while they were mourning their homeland and all they knew. 

This act unthinkable. 

Yet, they had been told by God. 

Plant gardens, build houses and multiply during this time.
Jeremiah 29

Even during the hard times. 

When you feel you can go on no longer. 

Settle where you are placed. 

Be doing the work I have for you because I will restore this land. 

I will bring Israel back; and you need to be ready. 

So often when we are in the throes of heartache and pain,
 the last thing we want to do is sing songs of joy.
Or rejoice. 

Our hearts are filled with pain and the days seem long and tortuous. 

Yet these are God's wishes for us. 

 He sees the whole picture and He knows what is coming. 

We need to be obedient. 
Even when everything in us cries the opposite. 

He is there. He is in everything we do. 

His love encompasses all. 

Psalm 137:4

 Right there my heart hurts.
How can we sing the songs of the Lord while in a foreign land? 

I know that feeling. 

I don't want to sing songs of joy. 

I want to wallow. 

I feel pain. 

Deep and agonizing. 

I long for my son.
I want to snuggle with our puppy.

I long for this cancer to be gone and the port taken out. 

I want my mom back and my dad to not be a companion with the memory thief.
But these thoughts are self deprecating. 

They force my whole being to turn inward. 

Selfish. 

Unyielding. 

Singing praise while in the foreign land is just what needs to be done. 

It is a commandment. 

And it is good. 

There is power in stepping toward what God deems. 

The Israelites were afraid of forgetting.
 It had been done.
There is a history.
A legacy of forgetting and years of barrenness in the wilderness. 

I do not want that. 

I do not want to walk in a barren land. 

I seek the fertile and prolific. 

The land which gives forth great yield.

So I will press on remembering. 

Singing praises in the wilderness.
Until His return. 

A Journey Through The Darkness

The quiet settles in to the farm house. 

Each to his own space. The little girls tucked in snuggy. 

The older kids working on school work. 

The farmer soon to be in deep slumber. 

It has been a full day. 

Milking, chores, working on the pack barn. 

(4-17-13)

Dealing with snow and mud. 

Visits to help heal broken hearts. 

Conversations about living for Christ. 

Advice from one close to depression. 

Visiting hours for the one who gave all. 

Ending with a band concert. 

The beat of the day. 

Pressing on.  

Even when you want to cry a halt. 

The day moves on. 

Living, breathing, embracing the journey placed before us. 

It would be so easy to just step off. To be done. 

Frankly, there are days when I think nothing, would be better than what is here. 

But do I want to miss one step of what God has ordained? 

Is there one moment that I want to walk outside His will? 

Not at all. 

I'd rather live with the pain, heartache and missing

 knowing this is right in the center of God's will than be apart from Him. 

We are at the end of Holy Week. 

We journey to the cross. 

We break the bread and drink the cup in remembrance.

Maundy Thursday

John 13:34

"A new command I give you: Love one another. 

As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

We read the Ancient Word. 

We extinguish the candles one by one until there is darkness. 

We reflect on the condition of our heart. 

We were bought for a price. 

We are loved. 

The condition of our heart atoned for. 

Life for a life. 

Grace and Mercy, freely given. 

On Good Friday we will walk. 

We will step by step relive the journey to Golgotha.

John 19:17

Carrying his own cross, he went out to the place of the Skull 

(which in Aramaic is called Golgotha).

Embracing the grace that meets us there.

Dying to live. 

We will yield our hearts to the One who gave all. 

Be still. 

Is your heart changed?

Can you rest in the Promise long given for you? 

He walked the road of suffering. 

For you. For me. 

A Beautiful Place To Be

It washes over me like a wave. 

He's gone.

I have to take the older kids to the doctor for their sports physicals. 

We're in the car. 

A familiar song comes on. 

They turn up the volume. 

We rock to the music and sing. 

My heart constricts. 

He loved this song. 

He loved music.
We listened to so much music.
He made music.

 

And now;

He's gone.

My flesh and blood. 

The magnitude of the loss is crushing. 

How can we do this?

How does the scheme of the family go?

Who is first born? 

No one seems to know. 

My only boy now, says, I don't even know who I am. 

And it's true. 

Who are we in this family?

All our roles have all changed.

Death, cancer, depression; 

Words.

My constant companion. 

A friend mentions how can she do things when she feels broken?

I think. . . we are all broken. 

Whether it looks that way on the outside or not. 

We are all broken. 

Whether you want to admit it or not. 

We are all broken.
Yet we are redeemed.
Through Christ. We have hope.
Hebrews 6:19
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, 
firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain,
The promise of eternity.

I don't know how to walk this road. 

Most days I don't even want to. 

What leads me on is the mystery of how God will work all this out. 

His word is Truth. 

In Romans 8:28 

He says, " And we know that in all things 

God works for the good of those who love him, 

who have been called according to his purpose."

In Jeremiah 29:11

These things I know. 

I also know that He is good because of who He is; not because of what He does. 

So with all these truths,

I need to be ready to see where God will lead.
He's going to take this brokenness and he's going to do something.
He will take the pieces of my shattered heart and he will place
 them back together according to his will. 

My role may have changed.
Who I am has been forever altered this side of heaven.
 But who I am in Christ has remained unchanged.
I am a new creation.
I have been redeemed.
And that is a beautiful place to be.