3 Roses, 3 Years. . .Not Quite

3 Roses. 

3 years. . .not quite.

I see them silhouetted against the white back drop.

How does an 18 year old journey without her future? 

All she held dear; wrapped in a red headed boy that stole her heart;

now lies deep beneath the earth. 

Buried with her hopes and dreams.

Her memories her only solace.

In time, she will move on. 

She will continue to live; and all this, some day, will be a shadow of who she once was. 

It will be part of her story. Of what makes her who she is. 

This young girl has become so dear to my heart. 

She spent the last hours with him. 

She, the last to hear his voice; feel his embrace. 

My heart threatens to cease it's beat. 

She whose soft and gentle ways captured the heart of the red headed boy. 

I want it all to be just a dream.

I stare at the roses. 

My heart breaks for her. 

It really might shatter one of these days. 

A mama loves her babes. 

And to have the life torn from you, leaves you heaving heavy. 

I lift my eyes to the heavens. 

The snow falls softly. 

I continue to breathe in deep the fresh air;  great gasps as I cling to all that I know;

 as I recite scripture and bring all the world back into alignment. 

3 roses.

My heart slows. 

I walk slowly to the car. 

To my walk that is left here on this earth. 

To the chemo and radiation. 

To bills and the dark of winter.

To Christmas, minus one. 

To grace poured out for me. 

To the only place I can put my hope. 

My steps are stronger now. 

Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,

 and I will give you rest.

I will find rest in the solace of the One who came as a babe. 

The greatest gift for all mankind, found in a manger. 

The One who called Elijah into being and the One who numbered his days. 

Here is a different Hallelujah.

One which reaches deep down to touch the Holy. 

May all your words be Hallelujah as you walk your journey on this earth. 

Even when you're broken, lost and hurting. 

May you know the everlasting hope that was given for you; the joy wrapped in swaddling cloth. 

And I think somewhere this song is being played in the heavenlies, 

with a red head playing the tympani. 

Crystal's Birthday and Living Water

John 4:14

but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, 

the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

It's Crystal's birthday.

She is 19 today.

She sent me a text.

 

She says she doesn't want to turn 19. 

She is 19 and he is forever 17. . .

I breathe in deep.

The pain sears my heart. 

This is hard. 

This hurts. 

It is one thing to deal with your own pain;

 but the effect on your children and their friends. . .and Crystal. . . rocks me. 

Elijah had a knack for making special occasions memorable. 

He was often last minute. . .

But he was still so thoughtful.

It is these things that drive us to our knees;

wondering how we will ever get through?

 So many years of memories.

So many dreams.

To be left behind is hard and strange.

Waters that are unknown. 

Where do we go from here?

The dreams have changed.

But hope hasn't.

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

We have no other hope.

There is no other answer.

So Crystal, as hard as this day is. 

It is also wonderful.

It is the day you were born.

The day you were created for a reason and a purpose. . .

And that purpose is yet to be known.

We look forward to seeking God's plan for your life. 

We don't know why this happened.

And we don't know what the future would have held. 

So, while it is hard. . .

We wish you the happiest of birthdays, wrapped in all the love we can send. 

But more importantly wrapped in the knowledge that your journey is not over. 

(and a post full of the ellipses that Elijah so despised)

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, 

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.