New Life

I hold her baby.

A beautiful bundle of sweetness.

 I look at this girl.

This beautiful mom. 

I think how blessed I am. 

I am the step mom. 

A woman she did not ask for in her life. 

Circumstances beyond her control. 

Yet, she has opened her heart and let me in. 

She has shared so much of who she is with me. 

She's daddy's girl you know. 

And another stole her heart.  

And now I hold her second born. 

I want to weep. 

I want to weep for my boy. 

I want to weep for all that will not be. 

And all that will be. 

The pace of life travelling on. 

Moving. 

Ebbing. 

It's hard to catch your breath sometimes. 

You want to stay in the here and now. 

Press on. 

Move forward. 

Yet the tension remains of leaving behind part of your heart;

 part of who you are. 

I hold the newest child. 

Evie Ann Brittain. 

She joins big sister, Lilah Rose Brittain

Who, only the other day, seemed to be the baby. 

The future. 

Hope. 

Isaiah 43:19

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; 

do you not perceive it? 

I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Each day is a risk. 

We choose to love and live. 

We choose joy. 

We are not guaranteed anything. 

Moments lived to make minutes; which become a lifetime. 

All held in the Father's hand. 

So I breathe in the scent of baby. 

I close my eyes. 

Here is the next generation. 

The oldest Farm girl will pass down the stories 

and all that farm life encompasses. 

She will nurture the hope that comes. 

We will share about her Uncle. 

Uncle Elijah. 

We will share his love for his Creator. 

My farmer and I will watch. 

We will guide when asked. 

We will marvel. 

We will give praise for new life.

The Juxtaposition of Life And Death, Welcome Lilah Rose

It is the middle of the day.

I am at the grocery store doing a full shopping for the first time.

My phone rings.

It is Adam.

It is 12:43 p.m.

I feel warm and peaceful inside.

The first time in almost 3 months.

There is new life on the way. 

They are at the hospital.

He will call when he knows more. 

Before I move on from the place I am, I receive another message from him. 

She is 9 cm dilated. 

It will not be long. 

That girl has done all the hard work before she got to the hospital. 

She had gone to work. And come home not feeling well. 

They head to the hospital. 

And Miss Lilah Rose was born 3 hours later.

Chelsea.

Born of farming blood. 

Women who work hard.

Sacrifice much. 

Speak little. 

So foreign to my loud and whiny history. 

This has always intrigued me. 

These quiet strong men and women. 

And we head to Maine. 

We pack up and leave just like that. 

We don't question or think twice.

Grace fills the farm with folks who nod yes to extra chores.

Because they too know that time is precious. 

Because we have learned how fragile life is. 

We don't waste a moment. 

And by 8:00 p.m. we are holding new life. 

Psalm 139:13

For you created my inmost being; 

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

Surprisingly memories of my births do not rush forward.

Instead I wonder in awe at the child/woman I have to helped nurture and her husband.

I am over come by the beauty of that love and the grace of new life. 

The pains that she went through to bring life. 

New life.

Abundant life. 

Grace.

Given at a price. 

I hold that sweet Lilah. I breathe in deep.

 Deep into my hurting soul. 

Deep into the places that are tender, with searing pain. 

 I look as our family picture has forever been altered. 

But as God takes; He also gives.

I watch as each of our earthly children hold their new niece. 

They all love babies. 

Every one.

None afraid to hold. 

All with wonder and awe. 

Seeking out tiny fingers, noticing opening eyes, cooing words of love to this new life. 

And I give thanks for this. 

For you are good Lord, so good. 

Job1:21

And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, 

and naked shall I return thither: 

the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

You are good and your Mercy is forever. 

Even when we have lost, even when we hurt, 

even when we want to turn because this pain is too hard to bear. 

You are still so good.