Saturday, March 28, 2015

Time Marches On

Her future. 
Before her. 

So exciting. 
Student accepted day. 
Trying to decide. 
Which school is the best. 
All this. 
When it's been 20 months. 

20 months since he last drew a breath. 

20 months since our world seemed right. 

And now she, 

my daughter, on the edge of the beginning. 

The emotions swirl. 
Torment, yet excitement. 
I can not forsake one because my heart longs for the other. 
The speed increases. 
My mind can not keep up. 
My heart torn. 
Pulled between. 
The anguish of grief; the hope of what is to come. 

Isn't that the gospel? 
Wasn't it hope, that held him there?
The pain that brought new life. 
The cross. 
A symbol meant for shame. 
Which brought redemption and life. 
New beginnings. 
First steps. 
And one day. 
One glorious day. . .

Philippians 2:10
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
 in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

Life continues. 
I am powerless to stop it. 
But I can rest in the plan God has ordained. 
He sees the big picture. 
He understands the pain. 
He is right here in the midst of all that is happening. 
I reach for Him. 
This is all too much for me to bear. 
My heart hurts. 
But I want to enjoy every moment with my daughter. 
So, we take a picture. 

We explore the campus. 
I look at those beautiful green eyes. 
I don't know what God has in store for her. 
I can not plan her life or even go with her. 
As a mom who has lost deeply this step of letting go is huge. 
But with God's help, I will. 
I will remain grateful for every moment I have had with all of our children. 
I will give thanks for a daughter and her husband and a beautiful grand child. 

I will thank God for 17 wonderful, blessed years. 

I will daily hand over the reigns to the King of Kings. 
I will  continue to walk in gratitude. 

There is still more for us to do. 

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