Time Marches On

Her future. 

Before her. 

So exciting. 

Student accepted day. 

College. 

Questions. 

Trying to decide. 

Which school is the best. 

All this. 

When it's been 20 months. 

20 months since he last drew a breath. 

20 months since our world seemed right. 

And now she, 

my daughter, on the edge of the beginning. 

The emotions swirl. 

Torment, yet excitement. 

I can not forsake one because my heart longs for the other. 

The speed increases. 

My mind can not keep up. 

My heart torn. 

Pulled between. 

The anguish of grief; the hope of what is to come. 

Isn't that the gospel? 

Wasn't it hope, that held him there?

The pain that brought new life. 

The cross. 

A symbol meant for shame. 

Which brought redemption and life. 

New life. 

New beginnings. 

First steps. 

Glory. 

And one day. 

One glorious day. . .

Philippians 2:10

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

 in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

Life continues. 

I am powerless to stop it. 

But I can rest in the plan God has ordained. 

He sees the big picture. 

He understands the pain. 

He is right here in the midst of all that is happening. 

I reach for Him. 

This is all too much for me to bear. 

My heart hurts. 

But I want to enjoy every moment with my daughter. 

So, we take a picture. 

We explore the campus. 

I look at those beautiful green eyes. 

I don't know what God has in store for her. 

I can not plan her life or even go with her. 

As a mom who has lost deeply this step of letting go is huge. 

But with God's help, I will. 

I will remain grateful for every moment I have had with all of our children. 

I will give thanks for a daughter and her husband and a beautiful grand child. 

I will thank God for 17 wonderful, blessed years. 

I will daily hand over the reigns to the King of Kings. 

I will  continue to walk in gratitude. 

There is still more for us to do. 

Today. Today They Go

They are leaving their own problems behind. 

Breakdowns, financial woes, planting, harvesting and milking. 

Leaving it behind for 10 days. 

These farmers are stepping away from the land they love, to go. 

Many of them needing much help. 

Have much to do. 

Pressing deadlines. 

But in the middle of a cold and snowy winter, they are boarding planes. 

From Iowa, from Vermont; they are going. 
They have felt the call; the nudge to do more. 
To be a people that says, "yes". 

They will build in the sod of this earth,
 with a greater focus for the Kingdom to come. 
These farmers will use their gifts and skills to help the people of an impoverished land. 
Yet, somehow, I believe it is they who will be changed. 
Those that work the land tirelessly. 
Who rise in the early hours of the morning, day in and day out. 
These are the ones who will be changed. 
Because aren't we the needy people? 
We who have much. 
We are the ones who seek joy. 
Who crave for more. 
Always more. 
Who long for our aching hearts to be filled. 
We're the ones who are in need in a great way. 
So, they will go. 
They will bow to the demands of heat and work. 
It is their way of life; working with the demands of a changing landscape. 
They will gather together to meet; for the first time. 
They will break bread and then step into the work the Lord has planned. 
My farmer and his daughter. 
They are ready. 

Isaiah 6:8
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

This is not my typical genre of music. 
But I loved the words. 
Be blessed. 

Starfield
I Will Go

Can You Be Jesus To Someone Today? Day #4 of Thankfulness

She knocks on my door.

A former colleague and friend. 

One I haven't seen in a while. 

She stands there at the door. 

We hug for a long time. 

She who encouraged and loved on me those years of teaching and being with child. 

Cards when our dreams and hopes were dashed with a miscarriage. 

Rejoicing when we found that grace had visited us and I swelled with new life. 

A baby shower for Elijah. 

This woman. 

Kind, soft and gentle. 

Here, at my door. 

Bringing comfort on a day that was hard. 

She brought a card and a gift. 
She brought her presence. 

My heart ached with gratitude for the time she would take to come and visit. 

To be present. 

God is in the details of our lives.
He will never leave us nor forsake us. 
He provides in ways we could not imagine.
This front door visit was the human touch I needed. 
The encouragement to keep pressing on. 

~30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:
Front door visits
Remembering
The rich life I have had and the people I have met along the way
the ways in which God is in the details
My farmer and farmer junior returning home
the beautiful sunshine and a crisp fall day
clean, air dried sheets
Chicken and Biscuit dinner
homemade apple pie
The right to vote and the work it took for those women to gain us that right
The work God does in our hearts when we are grateful
little girls who still like to snuggle
read aloud's and good literature
sets being painted and a play being created in our basement
God reaching down and saving my weary soul
a community that continues to let us know we are loved
the work of a caring man to raise the flags off the ground at the pole where Elijah met Jesus
the ways God ministers to my aching heart
rich, hot steaming cups of coffee
The Ancient Word and the wisdom and  comfort it brings

Isaiah 40:29
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.


Please join me in days of Gratitude. 
Leave me a comment or share your journey. 
Be Jesus to someone today. 
Stop in and say hi. 
Bring some flowers. 
Send a card. 
You never know how you will strengthen someone this day. 

Jason Gray
With Every Act of Love

As heaven touches earth
Ohh oooh You bring the kingdom come
With every act of love
Jesus help us carry you
Alive in us your light shines through
With every act of love we bring the kingdom come
God put a million million doors in the world for love to walk through
 and one of those doors is you

30 Days of Thankfulness, It's A Start. Will You Join Me?

Thankfulness is a practice. 

Cultivated like many other habits. 

Yet one that is often neglected.
A gift given.
To shift our me centered focus off ourselves and onto the one so deserving of our Praise. 

So, this year I begin 30 Day's of Thankfulness.
Each day searching purposefully for that which I might other wise miss. 

Join with me on this journey.  

Leave a comment and share your Thankful journey. 

Psalm 92

It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord, and to sing praises unto thy name, O Most High:To shew forth thy loving kindness in the morning, and thy faithfulness every night

~30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:

Front door visits of memories from years past and her young son

Pies delivered from that same young lady

Remembering

Friends who won't let me go, who spur me on with their love and prayers

A community that holds us tight even after a year

A Memorial Fund that continues to grow, thanks to the generosity of many

Small steps and great grace

21 years of marriage and the lessons of holiness learned

children who seek the Lord and his will

a step daughter and son in law that include me in the details, even when they don't have to

the sweetest grand daughter and the way her smile washes gratefulness all over me

friends who have walked this journey ahead of us and remind us we are "doing ok"

A friendship formed through mutual loss though we have never met

Brilliant colors splashed across a holy palette

Snow capped mountains

The wonder of this season

hope amid pain and grief

Joy in a Savior that has not left my side

lessons learned in the darkest time of my life

Searching for the holiness found when stepping forward with a grateful heart

Philippians 4:4-6

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I pray that you can enter this journey with me. 

Seeking holiness when all you feel is heartache. 

Letting the mundane rise to importance through a new lens. 

Lord, I need you.

Every hour I need you. 

(Lord, I Need You Chris Tomlin)

Waiting. . .How Well Do We Do It?

It is 6:00 a.m when we leave the house.

It is still dark.

I pray while we drive.

Trying to calm the churning. 

I stare at the wall behind the bed. 

It is a familiar wall.

They must be similar in each place. 

I hold Gary's hand. 

I close my eyes, I see the wall behind mom's bed. 

All the tubes and machines. 

I am holding her hand.

Much smaller than my farmers. 

A beautiful hand with long nails, that even as life slipped away, she had manicured. 

Always on her own. 

Very few professional manicures in her life. 

I linger in the memories for a moment. 

But they are still sharp.

Our Pastor arrives and we pray.

He shares:

Isaiah 26 

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: 

because he trusteth in thee.

 Trust ye in the Lord for ever: 

for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength:

I am struck by his quoting the verse from memory; in the King James.

This is a verse he knows. 

He has hidden in his heart. 

He reminds us, our peace is because we have stayed our minds on Christ. 

In this fast paced world of doing and doing. . . where do we put our thoughts?

Many spend time emptying themselves in quiet. 

What if you filled in that quiet with the Holy Spirit?

The One who gives perfect peace. 

The One who is our peace. 

Machines whir and they are ready to take Gary in;

in to surgery.

In to remove a cyst turned cancer.

But a straightforward tumor. 

I watch as they take him away. 

My stomach knots. 

I know better.

I need to surrender. . . all.

God has this all in his hands.

And the waiting begins.

Ephesians 2:14

For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one 

and has destroyed the barrier, he has broken down every wall.

I head to the cafeteria with Peter.

We talk, it is good for me. 

I begin to feel peace. 

I steady.

I head back up stairs.

Gary's sister is there to spend the day.

Together we wait.

It is almost 6 hours before we hear anything. 

There is sweet grace in those hours. 

Visits from friends who work at the hospital, 

or just happened to have a meeting that day. 

It helps with the waiting.

The news is good.

They were able to remove the tumor.

They removed lymph nodes. 

Now we wait for the pathology report.

Gary is spending the night. 

It is 9:00 pm before I get home.

It is dark again. 

I wander through the house. 

I greet the kids still awake. 

There are dishes.

There is laundry, book work, food on the counter. 

There is life. 

The forward moving of time. 

I head to bed.

I wait upon the LORD as I rest my weary head. 

Isaiah 40:31

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; 

they shall mount up with wings as eagles; 

they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

I will wait on the LORD.

I will walk in His presence as I mourn the loss of our son Elijah

as I wait for pathology reports.

As I live for Christ.

And as I thank those who continually hold us.