I Will Trust You, Part II, Even in the Desert

The Israelites were asked to trust. 

To trust God to take them out of a land. 

To bring them to a land flowing with milk and honey. 

The problem was. . . 

They needed to go through the desert first. 

The barren, harsh, desert. 

For forty years they wandered. 

Forty years they waited to see the land promised. 

For most of those who left Egypt, they never lived to see the Promise. 

Are you in a desert place? 

During these desert times, God is ever present. 

As the Israelite's traveled they were hemmed in by fire and cloud. 

God went before them. 

God was with them 

God went behind them. 

Many of you have contacted my farmer and I over this latest trial. 

We are so encouraged by your words. 

We sing a chorus during worship. 

"You are perfect in all of your ways."

We sing it over and over. 
It's not until about the time that I start to think, 
we have sung this line too many times, 
that I realize what I am singing. 
I let the truth wash over me. 
God is reminding me. 
Holding me fast. 
His ways are perfect. 
He is perfect in every way. 
Sometimes repetition is good. 
Sometimes it takes that long for the message to reach our heart. 

God is calling us to wait. 

We are choosing to be still.
Waiting to see what God will do. 
Hoping in the promises given. 
Knowing that our desert will not last for ever. 
One day;
the trials of this earth will be shaken for good. 
They will be cast off for all of eternity. 
For now we will rest in the Ancient Word. 
Place our feet on unshifting sand.
We will keep our gaze to the Cross. 
Where the battle was won. 
Where victory was claimed. 

No matter what happens. 
No matter the outcome. 
God is still good. 
He is worthy of our praise. 
He will bring about his plan. 
And above all; His name will be praised. 

I hope you will take a few minutes to listen to this song. 
The first few notes still bring such sweet memories of a wonderful
 time in my life. 
My High School years when God took me and began preparing me for all the was to be in my life. 


Petra
More Power 

"They that wait upon the Lord Shall renew their strength"

"Put on all His armor and fight the good fight, and in all our weakness we become so strong He gives us the power and the strength to carry on. "

Until it Was Gone

Fear just up and left. 

I am not kidding. 

I have felt it living in my bones. 

Crippling me at times. 

Needing to grasp and hold on tightly. 

The moment one of the kids gets into the car. 

When they are gone for long periods of time. 

When they want to go to a friends. 

The constant need for a call; to be in touch. 

To hear their voice. 

Secretly wanting them all in the house. 

In their rooms. 

Going no where. 

It has paralyzed me. 

And I didn't even know it. 

Looking back, 

it began the morning of the accident. 

I remember the squeeze on my heart. 

My farmer and now only son, went to church. 

To share the news of what had happened. 

I could barely breathe while they were gone; 

waiting for their return. 

Would they? 

For two and a half years. 

This has plagued me. 

Fear had set up residence in the deepest 

part of my soul and I didn't even know it. 

Each time someone left. 

The undercurrent of fear. 

Living. 

In me. 

Tightly squeezing the life out of me. 

The phone call that the tumor was cancer. 

It is only now that I remember, the fear digging in deeper. 

The clutch on my heart. 

Deep. 

I didn't know it held this power. 

Until it was gone. 

Until the farm boy poked his head in the door and said, 

"I'm home. I had such a good time. "

At that moment I realized. 

I had gone to bed when a child was out. 

I had placed my head on the pillow and sweet sleep had the last word. 

My usual stance of sitting on the couch nurturing my anxious heart,

 until they returned, was not a part of the picture. 

When I opened my eyes in the early hours of the morning;

 the burden was gone. 

The weight I carried. 

Lifted. 

Fear had paralyzed me and I hadn't even known. 

What burdens do you carry needlessly? 

Search hard. 

You may never know until they're gone. 

Fear had gripped so tightly I was unaware. 

The tension in my soul: unable to identify. 

Until it was gone. 

The peace in my soul this morning is a gift. 

Isaiah 66:12

For this is what the LORD says: "I will extend peace to her like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream; you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees.

There is so much about this journey of living 

without your child that is hard to put into words. 

The constant ache and longing for which can never be. 

But fear. 

That is different. 

God is so clear on fear. 

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. 

But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. 

The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

It is just like the enemy to take our situations and throw them up in our faces. 

As I have been praying lately,

 I have asked God to expose those things that keep me from him. 

That keep me from sweet intimacy with my God. 

From experiencing all He has to offer 

This is the first,

 I am sure, of the many ways He is working in me. 

To use, Elijah's home going for HIS glory. 

The relief of this burden that I did not know I was carrying is a gift. 

Another measure of grace. 

Of mercy. 

Seek the sweetness of God's mercy. 

Lay down those burdens that weigh so heavily my friends. 

We sang this song at Elijah's funeral. 

We sang with strength. 

We raised our hands to Praise our living God. 

Because even in the midst of the deepest pain; 

even when the tempest rages, 

we can say, "It is well, with my soul."

Each time we sing it I am grateful fir the message it brings. 

Horatio Spafford lost much. 

Yet his soul was held in the hands of the One who can take all this brokeness and shape it into something beautiful. 

Selah

It is Well with My Soul

And. . . They're Off!

It's the coldest night we've had so far.

There was much on the farm to be done. 

Much to do before they could go. 

To a people in need. 

There is winterizing the well. 

Because cows can not live with out water. 

There are instructions and lists to be made. 

Nieces and High School students willing to help. 

To rise before dawn in the bitter cold. 

To serve. 

And to think my farmer is letting it all go. 

He is willing to push aside the anxiety. 

The fear of something going wrong. 

To go. 

To head to a people made in the image of God. 

The same as you and me. 

Yet so needy. 

A people who live and breathe and have their being. 

He is going again. 

He's taking a whole team this time. 

Because when you're moved deep in the soul you can't shake the desire. 

You've got to go. 

So he is.

 So is she. 

They're taking the farm boy. 

And there, in the land of Haiti, they will give of themselves. 

They will leave behind death and the cancer. 

They will leave behind classes and bills. 

The stresses of this life. 

To go. 

To give. 

To learn. 

To share. 

Will you join me in praying?

Seeking wisdom from the God of the Universe. 

The one who called all these people into being. 

The One who knows the plan. 

The One who asks us to go. 

Isaiah 40:31

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Reaching for More

2016.

It's here. 

With marching orders. 

Time. 

Progressing. 

At an ever increasing speed. 

Yet constant. 

Away from all that I know. 

Further. 

Towards the unknown. 

Time. 

I am glad 2015 is over. 

2 dear friends; gone to be with Jesus. 

A nephew. 

A father of 4 and a former colleague. 

Sometimes I can't face the loss. 

It seems that it comes so quickly. 

The weight. 

You feel. 

For others. 

But 2015 also held graduation for our now college girl. 

Visits from dear friends. 

A birthday party, for the double digit girl. 

Held at my friends 

who now calls heaven her home. 

Time with family. 

The news of another farmette.

Moments that I cherish. 

That can be overpowered by the grief. 

A tool used to discouraged. 

So beauty is not seen. 

Time moves forward whether our hearts are ready. 

Some moments I feel strong. 

The living rich and full. 

Always missing. 

Yet still ebbing forward. 

Other moments the defeat is great. 

The ache deep. 

So with eyes I glance heavenward.  

Psalm 121:1-3

I lift up my eyes to the hills.

From where does my help come?

2My help comes from the LORD,

who made heaven and earth.

3He will not let your foot be moved;

he who keeps you will not slumber. -ESV

The source of my strength resides in the hands of the One who created me;

with a plan. 

For a purpose.

A beautiful gift. 

2016 is before us. 

Choices to be made. 

Walk each day in grace, seeking truth and direction as He wills; 

Or stay stuck in the muck and mire this world delivers?

It is easy to stay stuck.

 Succumbing to the grief and heaviness. 

To climb and reach high. 

Takes effort. 

Work. 

Putting off all that discourages. 

Taking a step of faith. 

So here I stand. 

With open hands. 

Ready. 

Waiting with expectancy for what will be. 

I am standing on that solid rock. 

Reaching for Truth. 

Believing. 

He will never let me fall. 

He will always walk beside us. 

No matter the struggle. 

May you reach for the grace that is given. 

Freely. 

This Last Day of 2015 We Will Gather to Mourn and Celebrate a Life

It's been 29 months. 

Well. 

The other day. 

And I could barely get out of my own way. 

The whole day. 

The sadness overwhelming. 

But not for me. 

Not for my journey. 

For my Sister in law and her family. 

For a family in our Community.

A father of 4. 
On Christmas Eve. 

A beloved husband. 

And I wept. 

Repeatedly. 

For the journey they are on. 

For a love cherished and honored through the years. 

Bearing 4 beautiful children. 

Athletes and scholars. 

For the wake where they will stand watch. 

Where this Community will come. 

One after the other to walk with them. 

And I wept. 

Because loss is so hard. 

We are a people not meant for death. 

No!

 We were meant for life. 
A story written long ago. 

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. 
I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Life ever lasting. 

And that is the final word. 

The message of this Season. 

The hope for all nations. 

The Incarnate. 

God put on flesh. 

To give. 

So that we might live. 
Even in hard times. 

We are not meant for death and we recoil. 

The sharp sting. 

Permeating. 

Tearing. 

Piercing. 

Until the time. 

When all will be set straight. 

Romans 14:11
It is written: "'As surely as I live,' says the Lord, 'every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.'"

So when 29 months rolled around. 

I prayed. 

And sank low; knees to the floor. 

Crying out. 

Seeking comfort where the only true comfort can be found. 

Seeking the peace that passes all understanding. 
Digging deep. 


John 14:2
My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?

Remembering the Promises of that Ancient Word. 

My heart and soul ache for this family. 
I don't understand. 

On this last day of 2015 we will gather together. 
To celebrate this man's life. 
To mourn and grieve for the deep crushing ache. 

But I do know, beyond a shadow of a doubt,
that we are held. 
That the holy of holies came as a babe;
For us. 
That we might live. 
Because death will never, ever, ever have the final answer. 

I Corinthians 15:54
When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory.""Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?"

Natalie Grant
Held

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

I Can Scarcely Breath This Christmas Morning

Hush. 

I hear the whisper. 

Hush. 

He calms my aching soul. 

The empty stocking. 

My nephews children without their dad. 

My sister in law with out her son. 

The news of another loss of a dad so loved in this community. 

I can scarcely breathe this Christmas morning. 

I hear the whisper as I drive to the barn. 

Hush my child. 

The strains of a loved Christmas Carol play,

Sing, choirs of angels, sing in exultation;
O sing, all ye citizens of heaven above!
Glory to God, all glory in the highest;

Sing all ye citizens of Heaven above 

The words strike me. 

We are citizens of heaven. 

EVEN WHILE WE DWELL HERE! 

Our citizenship is there. 

The freshness of these words pour over me. 

The glory is given even in the pain. 

Even in the heartache. 

He is there. 

Yea, Lord, we greet Thee, born this happy morning;
Jesus, to Thee be glory given;
Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing.

The Word of the Father. 

Now in flesh appearing.

John 1

 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life,[a] and the life was the light of men. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

Oh the truth in these verses. 

The simple promise. 

God became flesh. 

The Incarnate.

He came. 

So that we may have life. 

The citizenship already prepared. 

That passport already stamped. 

Entry never denied. 

You are welcome. 

Preparations are made for your arrival. 

This drive to the barn has been a holy journey. 

The air crisp. 

I bring coffee and treats to my farmer and farm boy. 

Even on the holiest of mornings the cows need attention. 

And this morning there are breakdowns and equipment working. 

My farmers take it in stride. 

The farm boy stands watch (Or sits) over the motor. 

Spinning the gear to make it continue on. 

With out it the milking machines can not work. 

But it's Christmas. 

So they do what they do best. 

Improvise. 

We're heading to church in a few minutes. 

To the manger. 

An act. 

A journey. 

On this holiest of mornings. 

When my soul faltered. 

When my grief rose up. 

We're purposefully heading to the manger. 

Yea, Lord, we greet Thee, born this happy morning;
Jesus, to Thee be glory given;
Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing.

The Piano Guys

O Come, O Come Emmanuel

O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

She Could Do Anything. . . Really.

The waiting. 
Our hearts. 
Preparing. 
Adoring.
Longing;
For Hope. 
Eternity. 
Love came down. 
Incarnate. 
Flesh. 
For me. 
For you. 
Once. 
For All. 


14 years ago today a beautiful woman bowed low as
 she journeyed to meet Jesus. 
Her presence is missed everyday. 
The lessons she lived, still in our hearts. 

Here is a tribute to her from last year. 
She now resides with 2 of her beautiful grandchildren; whom she loved and adored with all her heart. 

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````

December 18, 2014


I can still feel the peace I felt when I entered her home. 

The country charm. 

The warmth. 

The smells. 

The open door. 

Oh, how I loved and admired her. 

She could bring a calf to the barn as easy as whipping up a tasty meal. 

There was always room on her lap for one more. 

Room at the table for another to sit. 

Always time for coffee.

There was always a solution to every problem. 

Life was a journey with God as her companion. 

Her creative touch transforming gardens and rooms into things of beauty. 

The light left her 13 years ago today. 

In a moment; she was gone. 

At 65 it seemed too young. 

Her husband just 16 months before her. 

The ache we all felt; still felt today. 

I miss her laugh and the twinkle in her eye. 

I miss her encouraging words and support on the farm. 

She accepted me; this city girl. 

She never laughed at my inabilities or lack of knowledge. 

She taught by example. 

She lived what she believed. 

Her hands, never idle.

Her heart, always full. 

So, my dear Shirley I miss you greatly. 

I am grateful for the legacy you left. 

I am thankful for the farmer you bore, the strength you modeled. 

I know I am the woman I am, because you believed in me. 

Because you shared a life surrendered to Christ and to your family. 

I know you're rejoicing with the King of all Kings and sitting at the banquet table with my red head.

This assurance brings me peace and fills my being with strength. 

Heaven holds so many of my dear ones. 

There have been days I have longed for your wisdom or to hold my hand when

 my heart can't take the pain anymore. 

For now I will continue as you modeled; though not nearly as adequately as you. 

My eyes are lifted to the cross. 

My soul surrendered. 

Life breathed into my weary heart by the Giver of all life. 

Thank you for giving. 

Thank you for loving. 

I was blessed to have been a part of your family. 

I was blessed to have you in my life.