Alone

Alone.
That's how I find myself this week. 
Plans to spend time with the youngest. 
Changed. 
And now. 
Alone. 
At first. 
I do not know how to react. 
Alone. 
In a room. 
A clean room. 
2 beds. 
Meals prepared. 
Solid biblical preaching. 
All alone. 
My own schedule. 
Clean towels everyday. 
Coffee. 
Everywhere. 
In the room. 
In the lobby. 
In the dining hall. 
Alone. 
I don't do alone. 
I find someone to accompany me to the store. 
I fight off the panic that threatens. 
It is then that I hear the small voice. 
Commune with me. 
How I have longed for more time to dig deep. 
To study the word. 
Commune with me. 
I don't know if I can.
This God that I want to know intimately, allowed my son to be taken. 
He allowed my husband to have cancer. 
He has allowed our finances to be stretched. 
In short amounts of time he allowed my Aunt, my parents best friend and my mom to journey home. 
He allowed my parents dog and our puppy to die premature deaths. 
He has allowed my dad to date the memory thief. 
He is also the same God who allowed a beautiful grand daughter to be born. 

Commune with me,  he says. 
I love Him and I will serve him. 
Yet spend alone time with him? 

In the quiet? 
I don't know if I can. 
I am raw.
 I am vulnerable.

Typically I recharge by being with people. 
But I don't have that energy any more. 

I open my mind to the possibilities. 

Richard Blackaby says,
 "Unless you make an adjustment. .. you're not going anywhere." 

And I cry out to God. 

Hasn't an adjustment already been made? 
An adjustment I didn't ask for or ever desire? 

Richard Blackaby continues his talk. 
He talks about his Father, Henry. 
One of the most influential men of our time. 
A man devoted to the word of God. 
A man so knowledgeable. 
He shares how his dad still longs to grow. 
To know more of God. 
To dig deeper. 
He challenges us to continue to be hungry for God. 
To find out what is holding us back? 
We are the ones who are limiting what God can do in our lives. 
What am I doing in my life that would require a miracle? 

I don't know where God will take me this week. 
Commune with me. 
I know that spending time, alone, with Him, is a starting place. 

I am embracing this gift of this week. 
I am willing to face everything, boldly. 
I am sure I may not like all that will transpire. 
But I am going to continue to be real. 
I don't like this path I am on. 
I did not ask for it. 
I do not like it. . . one bit. 
But, I do love the Lord. 
And the morning that Elijah met Jesus. 
I sat in my living room. 
Alone. 
My farmer and Cedric had gone to the barn. 
The girls were still sleeping. 
Their world still in tact.
The power was still out. 
There was darkness. 
And I was alone. 
I could barely breathe. 
 I did the one thing my soul is able to do. 
And that is to Praise. 
It is our first language. 
Praising the God of the Universe. 
It is what we will do when we see Him face to face. 

Jeremiah 29:13
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

So in this time;
Alone.
I will dig deep into the Word. 
I will allow God to move. 

Are you willing to get real with God? 


Lauren Daigle
Trust in You

When you don't move the mountains I need you to move
When you don't part the waters I wish I could've walked through
When you don't give the answers as I cry out to you
I will trust, I will trust, 
I will trust in You!