Wednesday, August 26, 2015

She Wore Her Brother's Cap and Gown

She wore her brothers cap and gown. 
The same cap he threw into the air, 2 years ago. 
The same cap I asked him to go back in to get. 
It was unique. 

He would be able to find it. 

I just wanted that cap.

The cap and gown I would display at his wake just 40 days later

She wrapped herself in his gown. 
 And wore his cap. 

She walked to the tune of  graduation, hope and future wrapped in his gown. 
The cap, forever announcing 2013. 

The year everything changed. 

 With out so much as a deep breathe we changed gears.
College Orientation. 

They steal my daughter away. 
I head off to listen to the speaker. 
His words.
The words of one of Clarissa's classmates - haunt me. 

"The paper is blank, you have the tool to do the writing.
The unknown before you. You are in control. You will do the writing."

Both speakers. 
2 separate occasions. 
The same idea. 

An unknown future. 
A blank slate. 
You're in control. 

I want to stand up and shout. 
My soul aches. 
Deep ache. 
They have missed a great truth. 
They have missed the greatest news on earth. 

And I was silent. 

It has tormented me. 

Our lives are not a blank page. 

There is not a blank slate, waiting for you to write out the plan. 
Oh, my dear friends. 
There is a loving and compassionate God with a plan far greater that you can ever imagine. 
There is a divine Creator, who has created you with a plan and purpose long before the foundations of the world began. 
He has placed in our hearts the desire to worship and serve him. 
He longs to fill the pages of your life with His wisdom. 
We are not alone. 
We are not in control. 
There is purpose and hope far beyond anything our minds could ever grasp. 
There is hope. 

I think on this because between, deep loss, 
ambulance rides and change these things are important. 

I don't want to lose sight of the promises God has placed before us. 

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, 
for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; 
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Not only is there a plan; but He will walk every step with us. 
My daughter's future is not an empty page. 
It was written and stamped long ago. 
She will, with God's help discover that path and become all He longs for her to be. 
The road with be riddled with success and pain. 
It already has. 
Yet through the strength of out heavenly Father we press on. 
We seek. 
We praise. 
We learn. 
We grow. 
All in His timing. 
All for His purposes. 
And oh, what a glorious purpose and plan. 

Things are changing again, 

The living room is piled with her life's posessions. 
We have gathered the most needed items to survive college. 

But I know in my heart. 
The only "thing" she needs is Jesus. 
Because that ground never moves.
He never, ever changes, 

Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

I send her off knowing that her page is not blank. 
That a loving, a merciful Savior has ordained her days. 
That joy and peace await her; even in the struggle. 
I am planting my feet on the ground that does not shift. 
I am lifting my hands high in praise. 
I am letting go of the ache and pain that threaten to choke out the beauty of these days. 
Here we stand on the threshold of a new beginning. 

Won't you join me in letting go? 
Stand on the rock that is immovable. 
Embrace the journey no matter how hard it may be. 
God will see you through. 

Here we go baby girl. 
I love you with every fiber of my being. 

You are God's child. 

You are loved. 

He will use you to bring about His amazing plan. 

Ephesians 3:20
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, 
according to his power that is at work within us,

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