Tuesday, June 2, 2015

When Your Prayers Aren't Answered. . . The Way You Wanted

I wake to overcast skies. The dreariness overwhelming. I blink back the tears that threaten to spill over. The pull to stay in bed; real.  I dig for the Praises. I begin to name them one by one. There really are so many. I seek to push through. It's the only way. I read my journey of this day last year. June 2, 2014. My heart gains courage. I step into the kitchen. It is so cold. I grab a steaming (literally) cup of coffee and settle on to the couch wrapped in flannel pajama's and a shining hope.  I  begin to peck out my thoughts. 


June 2, 2014

The bales keep coming. 
Load after load. 
11 bales a wagon load. 
Winter's feed. 
Wrapped in a cocoon. 
Prepared for winter. 
These bales. 
I wrote on these bales last year. 
Prayers. Praise. 
I love you Elijah.

Bales I prayed over. Hopes for a plentiful winter. 
I Praised God. 
I thanked Him for the warmer weather and time with my boy. 
Hopes for a smoother road. 
A different pace from the walk of the death of my mom, 
flooding and bumpy financial issues. 
That's not what happened. 
3 days later, my son fell asleep at the wheel of our family car and met Jesus. 
3 months later, my farmer was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer.
The road riddled with pain. 

But I had prayed!
I prayed hard.

I wrote out the prayers on the bales for all to see.
 And I believed. 
That beautiful summer day; I prayed and I believed things would get better. 

When you've had faith. 
When your heart has been yielding. 
 And deep, deep anguish settles in. 
How do you stay the course when the world seems to have lost it's tether? 
I prayed. I trusted. I believed. I surrendered. 
And still the death came. 
The cancer came. 
And other things may come. 
There may be more devastating news.

But that doesn't change the nature of God. 

He is still mighty and merciful. 
He is still pouring into our souls. 

I don't understand his ways. 
But I know his character. 

There will still be summer days. And the needs will still be great. 
That summer day when I prayed;
 I believed that whatever came our way, God would be there. 
Never imagining the path we would walk. 

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, 
for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Our prayers are not meant to "change" God's mind. 
The more we pray the more He will listen to us
The more people we have praying for us the more He will listen to us. 

No, prayer is for us. 

A gift. 
Prayer changes us. 
The cry of our heart becomes unity with Christ. 
A peace that transcends all earthly understanding.
Yielding to Him.
Trusting that He who breathed life into this world also has all under His wing. 
So what happens when you pray, you believe, you surrender; and your handsome, first born, prayed for red-headed drummer is torn from this life. . . forever. . . ?

You breathe deep; you cry in anguish.
Deep guttural cries.
You cry out to the God of the Universe. 
The King of All Kings.
You let Him do His work in You. 

Isaiah 43:19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. 

You trust. 
You watch as a community comes alongside to hold you through these troubled waters. 

You pray. 
You hold on to what you know. 

Each day you wake, opening your eyes to a world forever changed. 
Stepping into the peace that can only come when your heart yields. 

These are the things you do.  .  . 

When You're Prayers Aren't Answered. 

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