As Time Passes

It's been weeks since I've gone into his room. 

A hiatus from the reminders. 

Dust collects as time passes. 

Things undisturbed. 

Much the same way since the night he was called home. 

His room still smells like him. 

I close my eyes to remember. 

I miss him so.

How does a life continue when your child, your hope and future are torn from you? 

How do the steps move with the ebb and flow when there is a deep chasm in your aching soul. 

Elijah was God's child. 

He was never mine to keep. 

Children are a gift from the Lord. 

They are on loan from the King of Kings. 

A gift. 

To be held lightly.
This I know.
Yet my heart still aches.
I wake knowing life is different every morning.
In the choosing to see beyond the grief, I cling.
Because there is a tenacious pull.
I don't want to move on.
Yet I have no choice.
I change the lens with which to see the world.
I choose to see through the eyes of the Savior.
Constantly refocusing.
His plan; not mine.
His ways are higher.
Because this world is just hard sometimes.
There is deep beauty.
Immense joy.
Mingled with ache.
Intertwined with loss.
Part of the journey.
I am changing because of my path.
God is molding me.
He is exposing my sin. . . the area's where I need growth.
Goodness there are so many of them.
He is doing the work.
This is not our home.
We are heading for Glory.
This is but a blip in all of time.
Yet there is important work to be accomplished.
So we press on through.
With the pain. With the grief.
Looking for beauty.
Seeking grace.
Do you know those deep moments that transcend all earthly understanding?