Friday, May 8, 2015

He's #10 but wear's a #6

I reach into the pile. 
I pull out his shooting shirt. 
It is nice and white. 
I smile. 
He's playing so well this year. 
A place for him to burn off steam. 
It's been such a hard year. 

The number catches me off guard. 

Wait. . . he's #10.

I am reminded one brother wears the shirt of the other. 

A number now retired in memory of one so young. 

A jersey signed by all his team mates

My heart aches. 
This journey day to day can get heavy. 
Thoughts and memories swirl. 
The loss of a child never leaves you. 
Your heart is never the same. 
Life is forever altered. 
I close my eyes and I can see his face. 
I hear his laughter echo in my mind. 
While I try to move forward each day the reminders are always there. 
I hold the shirt to my face. 
My #10 wears his brother's shirt. 
He proudly where's the #6 under his #10. 
For a moment I hold in my hand my boys together. 
How I miss that. 
My boys. 

We are approaching another graduation
I struggle to stay in the present. 
To live in this moment. 
My mind wanders to another graduation.

The final days of my boys life and I didn't know it. 
Yet, the sweet and tender mercies given to us in that time. 
How everything shines in technicolor from those days. 
Such vivid memories. 
All the excitement. 
A new journey. 

We all struggle with trying to remain in the moment. 
To be present and grateful for here and now. 
Each of us carry the weight of our trials. 

I fold the shirt. 
I place it in the pile. 
He will wear this shirt today at his game. 
He will put it on. 
No one will know that under his #10 he wears a #6. 

Each day we clothe our selves with virtue. 
Whether you ascribe to a moral code or not. 
Choices are made. 
Armour placed. 
I choose this day to serve the Lord. 

This day I choose to lay my heart before the LORD. 
He will take the broken pieces and hold them together. 
I will plant my feet on solid ground. 
It is by his grace I will walk through another graduation. 
My eyes will search for truth. 
I will remember His faithfulness and His promises. 
By his grace I will remain present in all that is taking place. 

What will your armor be today? 

Ephesians 6:11
Put on the full armor of God, 
so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.

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