I Am Found

Each day I read last years post. 

Counting down the days of his life.

Searching for meaning. 

Something I have missed. 

Like an addict looking for a hit. 

I want to see something. 

I long for just a glimpse. 

It consumes me; if I let it. 

How I want to touch or feel something connected to him. 

These final days of his life. 

He would live for 19 more days. 

That is it. 

I didn't know.
My son. Full of hope; a future. 

We were mourning the loss of our puppy. Still grieving my mom,
 my parents dog,  my dad's sister and a long time family friend. 

Caught in a sea of emotions. 

Searching.
It happened in a moment.
I wasn't there.
For a moment I feel so lost. 

But I am found. 
Amazing Grace. 

My search completed long ago. 

Bought, sought and paid for by the King. 

My soul; ransomed. 

I am pressed in but NOT crushed.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, 
but not in despair;persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

With that purchase of my soul, I have the hope of eternal life. 
I rest in the assurance that Elijah stands with the King of Kings. 
I know where he is. 
His life; with purpose, was finished.
I don't like it.  
I long for the course planned for me to be different. 
It is not.
This is the walk placed before me.
I am not abandoned. 
I am not destroyed. 

I have been found, rescued. 

I take my eyes off the focus of me. 

I place them on the Light that shatters the darkness. 

I walk in immeasurable hope. 

I cling to promises made long ago by a God who will never let us down. 

I may never see or understand his plan this side of eternity. 

But oh, what waits for us in glory is the joy I am clinging to. 

No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that rock I'm clinging.
It sounds an echo in my soul
How can I keep from singing?

Pete Seeger   

How can I keep from Singing

Where Do You Go When You Can't Leave?

The wind howls.

It's vet check.

Robinson's come to fill the tenant house with fuel.. 

This winter won't quit.

Separating cows to be dried off seems like such an ominous task
when the wind steals your breath and your fingers feel numb. . . at the end of March. 

How do you maintain any kind of a positive attitude when the
sun doesn't shine and the icy gusts chill to the bone?

Many leave. 

They leave Vermont for warmer weather. 

They head out on vacation. 

If our hired help situation was different, we too would join the throngs
 headed to a tropical paradise. 

My farmer can't get warm.

Deep loss, chemo, radiation  and depression leave him cold;  

defenseless against the bitter winter. 

What is the remedy? 

Last week I turned up the volume and listened to Christmas music. 

I celebrated Advent right in the center of Lent. 

Today, I reach deeper. 

Winter's clutches won't let go.

The talons of depression are tightly attached to my farmer. 

Snow, ice and everything frozen keep important work from being done.
And the door to discouragement, for me, is ajar.
I fight with all I have.
I cling to what I know.

Psalm 62: 5-6
Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
    my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
 my fortress where I will not be shaken

It is in finding the quiet.
  Rest in the Lord.
The Lessons in Lent I seek. 
If I choose to wallow and name all that is wrong, I descend into the pit.
But when I count a Thousand Gifts; I name that for which I am thankful.
Something happens. 
God meets me there; in my brokenness and pain.
He goes before me, I am not alone. (Building 429)
He lifts me out of the pit and sets my feet on firm ground.

Psalm 40:2
He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. 
He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.

The well worn path is there.  I remain on that path. 

I sing a childhood song.

Count your blessings, name them one by one. 

Count your blessings see what God has done.

My feet are planted; I will stand. 

Whatever may come our way. 

We won't be shaken!