How Does One Let Go, When You Want To Hold On Tight?

How to walk this road; nobody knows. 

Learning to let go when you want to hold on tight. 

The future torn from you. 

Death.

The silent thief. 

Knows no boundaries. Respects no heart. 

We, a people, not meant for death. 

Created for life. 

Abundantly. 

The searing pain rips through. 

Again, and again.
A walk past the room.
A graduation cap and gown.
The sound of a siren.
Again, and again, the pounding pain.
He is no longer here.
He is no longer here.
There are no coming homes.
I do not cook his favorite meal.
I write no letters and receive none in return.
The pain like a knife.
We are human.
We are made in His image.
Therefore my pain is real.
He was my son.
Never forgotten.
Always missed.
A piece of me.
Gone.
Awaiting the reunion with great anticipation.
Longing for the moment to see Him again.
Pushing to put Christ over my son.
My yearning for heaven is Jesus. Not Elijah.
But in all honesty the desire is for my child.
I held him and rocked him.
I watched him grow,
I saw him cross the threshold from High School to manhood.
How does one let go when you want to hold on tight? 

You let go to God. Give rest to your soul.
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. 
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
You seek peace in each corner.
Cry out in prayer.
Because letting go, when you want to hold on tight. . . is hard.

My Disconnected Saturday Thoughts

My Valentine's comes in all shapes and sizes. His hour; 3 a.m. His palette; the visible yard. 

Years of hearts in the snow, on the clothes line or even in the house if the weather was too fierce. 

Life size painted Cardboard heart.

Heart stomped in the snow. 

All his quiet way. 

Few words. 

They speak volumes. 

Proverbs 12:23

The prudent keep their knowledge to themselves, 

but a fool's heart blurts out folly.

The world is transformed with the new fallen snow. 

Peaceful and serene. 

I am sure to soon be broken when the sleep-over girls awake. 

But for now I will savor the quiet. 

I will let the Holy Spirit pour over my heart. 

I will soak in the Ancient Word as this new day unfolds. 

Here are a few gems to ponder:

• A poem, also a children's book. Memorized through the years by our kids. How we love the imagery. 

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

BY ROBERT FROST

Whose woods these are I think I know.   

His house is in the village though;   

He will not see me stopping here   

To watch his woods fill up with snow.   

My little horse must think it queer   

To stop without a farmhouse near   

Between the woods and frozen lake   

The darkest evening of the year.   

He gives his harness bells a shake   

To ask if there is some mistake.   

The only other sound’s the sweep   

Of easy wind and downy flake.   

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,   

But I have promises to keep,   

And miles to go before I sleep,   

And miles to go before I sleep.

•    A reminder of the selflessness of love:

•   Finally since most people have experienced a snow day recently, you might enjoy this gem. 

No Time For Good Bye's

The end of a life so sudden

No time for goodbyes

No warning

The waves of shock continue

The sharing of the burden lessen's the load

But the night is dark

and my heart cries out for what it can not have

The seasons change
The air pungent
the earth readies for slumber of winter
there is death all around
each leaf and flower a reminder
that all must come to an end

Where does hope lie?
Where does one go with the torment of grief
The agony of loss
The inability to change the course of events.

The winter only last for a time
 here we do not stay.
For to, means destruction

But, what lies beneath the earth is not idle
Very roots of the trees ready to burst at
first warmth
releasing life bound through winters rest
Only shielding it from view

That which we can not see
life abundant

It's been 11 weeks of missing. 11 weeks that my heart has hurt.

 11 weeks since my sleep was interrupted. 11 weeks of walking hand in hand with our Savior.

 Trying to keep my eyes focused. 

Still wondering when the Saturday nights won't haunt me.

I went out for most of the day. 

. .

I didn't want to go. It is easier to stay home.

But I went and we had fun. 

It was a gorgeous day. 

Gary finished chores early, so we took Cedric to see the Captain Phillips movie. 

Such a normal day. . .when everything doesn't feel normal. 

But we step forward.

We walk through each moment.

The stars were beautiful last night. 

And I looked to the heavens.

And I wonder, what heaven is like?

What is it that Elijah sees? 

He does not need me anymore. 

This is hard. 

And I breathed in the night air. 

And my heart still hurts.

It's a dull ache that just stays with me. 

I glance to the heavens again and I give thanks for the beautiful display. 

And then  I cry.

 I cry for my son. 

I cry for Captain Phillips

 and what he went through and all the people all over the world hurting; corrupt.

I cried because I wonder if Elijah would have been able to do some good in the Marines and bring relief to these corrupt countries. 

One day at a time, trusting in what I know. 

Thanking God for what has been.

Believing that God has a plan. 

Psalm 86:5

You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.