New Beginnings

 Our newest employee. 

Selling all he has.

Leaving the familiar.

Moving to a new land.

A new climate.
New job.

Traveling many miles to get here.
Actually he is not here yet.
His wife and 3 of his children have made it.
He and his son are still on their way.
Delays and cancellations changed plans.
I look at this family and I think how courageous they are.
Abraham heeded the call to go.
He left all he knew to enter a land God was providing.

Genesis 12:1
The LORD had said to Abram, "Go from your country, 
your people and your father's household to the land I will show you.

God gave a promise when he asked him to do this hard thing. 

He would bless them. 

He would change Abram's name to Abraham because He is a God of second chances. 

New beginnings. 

My prayer for this family is that they would see and know God's blessing. 

Genesis 12:2
"I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; 
I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.


Lately we have been learning that God's blessing doesn't always look like we think it should.
We watched as our mother succumbed to the ravages of cancer.
The cancer she called a blessing.
The lessons she learned through the hard times.
The death of our dear, 17 year old son.

 So quickly. So suddenly.

A diagnosis of cancer while the hard work of grieving was just beginning.
The blessings we see as our eyes are opened to the ways God provides
 in the midst of great heartache and turmoil.
How His word never fails. 
He said He would be with us through these times.
And He has never left us. 

2 Corinthians 4:8-9
We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, 
for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

We are beginning a new chapter in this book of life. 

I do not know how this will play out. 

These are blank pages. 

Waiting for the ink to be pressed in. 

For the story to be told. 

The story will be beautiful. Because all the stories by this Author are unique and personal. 

We wait with anticipation to see how He will use this for His glory. 

We need to remain open for His love to pour in. 

He can take an aching heart and gently hold it.

He can guide each step of your weary way; right into His Kingdom. 

Waiting to see How God will write this new beginning. 

What Seemed So Insignificant

I finger the berries.

 Frozen berries with the words, picked July 30, written on the bag.

The day of Elijah's wake.

 I remember the man walking in and bringing them. 

A stranger. Drawn in.

 Knowing the tragedy. Wanting to help.

 He looked around. He saw what was left of a red headed, well loved boy;
his life laid out in piles in the parlor of those who have gone before him.
Memories, pictures, graduation hat and gown.

 A life interrupted suddenly

 He handed me the berries. He left. 

I finger those berries and I make a smoothie for my farmer.
A smoothie packed with last summers glow.
 Berries picked after the spirit of our son had traveled home.
Berries filled with antioxidants to help fight off cancer's glare.
I can't help but think of last summers glow in a bag.
Life frozen in a bag; giving life to my farmer.

I close my eyes and think back to the day.
I remember much and I remember very little.
A protective shield about me.
Protecting my heart from the searing pain.

But I remember the berries; brought by a stranger.
I throw off the weight.
It is easy to bow under pressure.
I don't want to break.

God knew I would need the berries.
He knew my farmer would need summers bounty to endure this dark winter season.

That stranger a vessel for God's healing power.
 So with berries picked after Elijah journeyed home and protein powder
 Elijah had bought while he was still here,
 I do the one thing I can.

If bringing berries became such a significant thing.
In what other ways is God nudging us to minister to others?
 Little ways.
Ways that may seem insignificant. But reap a harvest of righteousness.

James 3 17-18
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.

We need to yield and be open to the ways God will nudge.
What may seem so insignificant to us, may be of great magnitude to another.
 To affect change is to be the catalyst.
We need to live in such a way that we are available to be used. 
Shake off the distractions and the pull of the unnecessary; step toward the fulfillment
in a life surrendered in obedience.
 In obedience to the only way that really matters.

With out you, I fall apart.
You're the One that guides my heart.
Lord I need you , Oh I need you. 

Do You Ever Wonder What We Are Doing Here?

Do you wonder sometimes what it all means?

I sometimes wonder. 

What are we doing here?

What is my purpose. 

All this pain and uncertainty.

What do I do with it?

What is the purpose for each of these weary steps. 

Yet, I am amazed at the lessons learned and the things for which I am thankful. 

My farmer's side effects have been minimal. 

It is early still and someone reminded us that it is all cumulative.

Still, it has been minimal.

Today.

We are half way through the treatments. 

Maybe not half way through the side effects, but half way through every day trips to the hospital.

Half way through the mounting bills. 

We have friends, strangers, family who continue to encourage us daily. 

We are reminded moment by moment that we are not alone. 

This journey is to be lived day by day. 

Each day has worries of it's own. 

Tomorrow's are not mine. 

Matthew 6:34

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, 

for tomorrow will worry about itself. 

Each day has enough trouble of its own.

We are not left with the trouble. God has come to bring us peace. 

John 16:33

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.

 In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

The  peace is only when we cling to the promises He has given to us. 

When we trust daily. 

Each day has choices. 

How will you choose to live your life? 

Will it be in bitter silence, carrying the heavy burdens? 

Or will you live surrendered to the One who called you into being. 

Will you live victoriously through the shed blood?

Knowing that He who began a good work in you will continue it until you are complete. 

Philippians 1:6

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you

 will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

God. 

You are good. No matter how it shatters around me. You are good. 

No matter how my heart breaks; you are good. 

With all that I am and every breath I take, I will still say you are good. 

When You Don't Feel Like Being Thankful. . . Day #23 Of Thankfulness

At times being Thankful is so hard. 

With all the grief and heartache, all the things that keep going wrong,

 it's hard to find the breath to be thankful. Inside burns; my whole world seems so fractured. 

Yet, I want to be thankful. I want to live the life God intended. 

I Thessolonians 5:18

give thanks in all circumstances; 

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

It is a decision to be Thankful. It is a lifetime spent seeking for that in which to be grateful; even in  adversity. Even when your world comes crashing down, and for a moment in time your heart stops beating. And your son is abruptly taken from you. Your red headed, smart, fully alive boy, is gone. 

Yet there is still life. 

 God promises the eternal. 

And while we still have purpose on this earth. I want to live it. 

Once again, I breathe through the pain. 

I breathe in deep the promise of hope.

And I exhale the grief.

I meet the trials of this life with the strength given for the moment. 

Because thankfulness is not just a holiday. 

It is a life lived  surrendered to the One who gave. 

In that surrendering is great freedom.

In that surrendering is sweet peace. 

And when life gets hard, we put our knees to the ground in prayer, and lift our voices in praise. 

We set our hearts on things above. 

Colossians 3:1-3

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

I still do not like this journey. I still want to shake it all off. Yet, it is here to stay.

So, I will count my blessings and gifts. 

My farmer and I will plan, as best be can, for what's to come. 

And there really is sweet grace along the journey. 

Day #23 of Thankfulness

I am thankful for:

a movie night spent with the family, with laughter and peace

for folks much wiser than I coming alongside my farmer to offer support

For movie tickets in the mail from Florida, sent with love

Time with my sister in law

visits with my niece and step daughter and their 2 children, such sweetness

The sound of the farmers steps on the porch

the tough parts of marriage that change who you are

possible help out of the seemingly impossible trial of emptying the manure pit

sleep;such a gift through these trials

coffee; and those who know I like it 

the times I had with Elijah drinking coffee and being together

letters from Parris Island and the honor and privilege to write back

I hope this day, this week, will not be just about the holiday, but a life time of giving thanks; looking for  beauty in the midst of the storm.
Continue to open my eyes, to the wonder, Lord.
Please, never let me go.