Monday, November 18, 2013

Where Do You Go On A Rainy Day?. . . Day # 18 of Thankfulness

The afternoon had been full of visitors
Gary's cousin, sharing alternative cancer treatments.
A friend leaving for Antarctica. 
Dinner delivered to the door. 
Others stop too, to visit with the farmer. 
Bags still to be unpacked.

I am tired.
We sit for dinner and I sit in a different seat. 
I try to understand this new normal.
For some reason, within my soul, rises a desire to scream. 
I want to holler that this isn't fair. 
I want my boy back. 

I don't want my husband to have cancer.
I don't want to think about radiation and chemo and doctors appointments. 
I am tired
There is nothing right about this journey. 
It is all wrong.
Every time I hear of another mama losing one of her babies;
burying them in the cold earth before their time; my heart shatters a little more. 

But everything is right about this journey.
There is not one step that is not filtered through the hands of our loving God. 
And as difficult as that seems; as hard as that is to imagine;
It is true.

Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. 
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your 
God will be with you wherever you go."

He is with me wherever I go. 
He will never leave us. 
He is also big enough to handle all my uncertainty, all my questions.

We need to be at the hospital by 8.
Cancer knows no bounds.
No age, time, social status; it doesn't matter if there are farming chores, kids to take care of, school. 
It has no respect for any of that. 
Yet we serve a God who is over all those things. 
And as we journey through this difficult road, we will keep our eyes focused. 

We will breathe deep the word of God. 
We will cling to his promises and we will rest in His will. 
Even when we don't like it. 

Jeremiah 31:20
I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint

“God is God. Because he is God, He is worthy of my trust and obedience. I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will that is unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what he is up to.” 
― Elisabeth Elliot

Day #18 of Thankfulness
I am Thankful for:
Rain on the tin roof, even though some of the memories are painful
(And I still get wet and may fall through the porch. . .But I am still thankful)
A day to spend with my husband
Help with Childcare
A daughter who makes me laugh 
A son who holds me when I cry 
Step daughter and her husband raising new life to love
dinner delivered to the door with much prayer and love
 A farmhouse full of visitors, coming from the front door and the back
Little girls who still love to snuggle
each day given to serve God and His kingdom in the way He chooses
Grace only for moment by moment living
Time away. . .remembering to cherish the gifts given

* * *
A friend heads to Boston for a bone marrow transplant.
We head to the hospital for ct scans and xrays.
Another friends wrestles with protocols and decision. 
Disaster in the Philippines.
Tornado's in the Midwest. 
There is no other way that to trust. There is no other way than to lay our burden's down at the foot of the cross. And leave them there. 

A sign has been give. And there is Hope for all Nations. 
A Gift given.

A sign shall be given
A virgin will conceive
A human baby bearing
Undiminished deity
The glory of the nations
A light for all to see
That hope for all who will embrace
His warm reality

Our God is with us. And if God is with us. . .who can stand against us?


  1. Refreshment for the weary . . . satisfaction for the faint. Yes--just this sweet promise fulfilled in His presence. Holding you up hour by hour--and Kristin too. Love to the Davis farm tonight!

  2. Thank you, sweet friend. All is grace.