Monday, November 4, 2013

Grace at the door. . .Day # 4 of Thankfulness

He stood at the door.
A young woman by his side. 
There were tears in his eyes.
He was struggling to find the words.
I let him have his space.
He said he was sorry it's taken him so long to come.
He was in the Marine Poolee Group with Elijah.
He too, in the Delayed Entry Program.
I recognized him after a few moments.
He was also a classmate of Elijah's.
I also knew the young lady he was with. 
A cousin. 
Her Grandpa the fiddle player in the band Gary played in.

He was leaving at 1:00 p.m. for Boot Camp at Parris Island.
He had wanted to come and see us. 
One of the last things he was to do before he left. 
He told us of his plans. 
He shared the journey that might be his.

That's what that is. 
Beautiful Grace. 
I told him all summer I had been gathering scriptures
 in a journal to write to encourage Elijah. 
That was not to be. 
Instead those scriptures encourage me. 
I asked if I could write to him. 
Would he mind?
He said he wouldn't mind. 
He wouldn't mind at all. 

I showed him the flag that had hung over Parris Island in honor of Elijah.
Those hot molten tears welled up and spilled over. 

Before he left. 
He said he didn't want to intrude on our time. 
He didn't want to presume to know what our schedule was, but if it were possible;
It would be an honor for him to have us attend his Graduation on January 31, 2014.

I came undone.
I held that boy and cried like he were my own.
I cried missing my own.
I cried for all that will never be. 
My heart filled with love for this country.
These Marines. . . How much they care;
to come to this broken mama and share this gift. 
It is more grace.

I don't know how God will work this plan. 
But if it is meant to be, we would be honored to attend we told him. 

And then the young man and his sweet girl left.

We headed to church. 
So thankful we had been home. 

Church as always is a joy mixed with great sorrow. 
In the front still sits Elijah's drum seat.
It's like it's ready for him to set up his drums. 
But that is not to be. 

It is the end of the service that finally leaves me unable to stand,
 unable to hold in the tears any longer.
It has been a long week. 
My heart aches.
I long to be with Chelsea and that baby
We wait on answers for pathology.
All while life moves on.

We sing a song,
 that I have been playing non stop since Elijah went to be with Jesus.

Be strong in the Lord, and be of good courage;
your  mighty Defender is always the same.
Mount up with wings, as the eagle ascending;
victory is sure when you call on his name.

So  put on the armor the Lord has provided,
and place your defense in his unfailing care.
Trust him for he will be with you in battle,lighting your path to avoid every snare.

It is with the second verse I struggle.
Because I don't feel as if I have avoided every snare. 
And how did God defend me? 
I have lost a son and now I await pathology reports for cancer for my husband.

And as we sing this hymn I cry. 
I sit down. 
I place my head in my hands. . .and I cry. 
I cry for the young man headed to boot camp.
I cry for my boy who now resides in the greatest Corps the world has ever known. 
I cry for cancer and the unknown. 
And the peace that transcends all understanding fills my soul. 

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. 
I do not give to you as the world gives. 
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

I may never understand why the events of the last year have happened. 

Trying to make sense is wasted energy. 
What I know is that God has never once left us. 
I can not see what He sees. 
I can not begin to know what He knows.
But there is great joy in knowing Him. 

Day # 4 of Thankfulness
I am thankful for:
Grace at the door
Peace ,with hope in Christ
There is a future; and God has it
God's mercy and love
Friends who hold my hand
Afternoons spent with lovely ladies
Young men that want to serve our country
Hope, that no matter where this journey leads, God is still in control
Children who laugh and giggle, love to snuggle
The sweetness of a grand baby and the joy of watching the parents love on that child
The view of the mountains from my warm house
wood that allows the house to be warm and all the hands that made that happen
My husband, he still makes me swoon
His steadfastness through the death of his son and a diagnosis of cancer
His unfailing love for his Savior and the modeling of that in each step he takes
His integrity in business and humbleness in life

Be Strong in the LORD today.
No matter how the day rolls, He is in control.
He sees the picture that we never can.


  1. Thanks for reminding me to leave it in His hands. Love and Peace.

    1. Your Welcome. It's a choice daily. . .Love and Peace to you as well.

  2. Once again you've brought me to tears Tammy! What a sweet gesture from this young man. And your ability to keep looking up, staying grateful during what I am sure are the toughest days of your life, continues to be an inspiration. Praying for you today and each day.

    1. Ah, Jenny. Very sweet young man. Bits of Grace from above. Thank you for your support and love. One day at a time. . .

  3. Tammy, you said, Trying to make sense is wasted energy. I agree. It's totally natural to want to, to try to make (human) sense of life. But "my ways are not your ways." We can't ever make "sense" of so much in this world. But we trust in God... thanks for sharing that He does provide comfort, peace.

  4. Hot molten tears. yes.