The Routine A Farm Life Brings Day #19 of Thankfulness

I turn on the fire,
A hot cup of coffee in hand.

I sit.

I have started the laundry. 

The sound comforting and steady. 

The warmth from the fire removes the chill from the room. 

These plunging temperatures and fierce wind 

make it hard for this old farmhouse to stay warm. 

The day looms before me. 

Choices to make. 

A life to live. 

Up at the barn the routine of milking continues. 

Cow after cow. 

Chore after chore.

Steady.

There is something soothing about routine. 

It is the way of the farm life. 

Never changing; yet always different. 

The night the oldest farm boy called home;
 the tyranny of chores pulled and propelled us forward. 

The dark of the night; the routine - imperative.

Until the dawn broke.

The routine that continues to move us forward also includes 

 bended knee to the King of Glory and time in the Ancient Word. 

Much time spent on our knees as we plead before the throne of grace 

for strength to move through this day. 

I don't know what this day will hold. 

I can't be sure of anything. 

Yet one thing. 

Through it all God will never, ever leave my side. 

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:

The grace in routines
warm spaces in chilly seasons
mercies that are new every morning
quiet
the Ancient Word that breathes life into my aching heart
truth; unwavering, solid
bended knees in prayer
the hope in Christ
this drafty old house and the sounds that are soothing and comforting
the lessons I am learning as grief takes it's course
eyes to see beauty 
the opportunity for my farmer to answer the call for a missions trip
Hoss and his family and the deep, deep joy they bring
opportunities to give and serve 
God, who never leaves us nor forsakes us
the routine of bowing low each morning and starting the day with the holy

The Revelation Song
Kari Jobe

You are my everything
And I will adore you

It's Just A Couch

It's just a couch. 

Stained with memories. 

Babies. 

Toddlers.

Knowledge imparted through endless books. 

Resting, while heavy with child. 

It's just a couch. 

Love poured out. 

Knees bowed in prayer over young ones; pleading over their souls. 

Years and years of devotions while the farm house slept. 

Late night discussions debating all that life may present. 

It's just a couch.

Where 7 or 8 gathered for family night to watch a movie. 

It was never too small.

There was always room for one more.

The place where Nana sat and loved on her grandbabies. 

A couch and chair my sweet Mother in Law found for us. 

 A place where the sick were nurtured to health. 

A place of enchanted forts.

The chair I sat in when my farmer went to the barn and I waited to make the calls 

that our red head had taken his final drive. 

His residence now on high, with the King of Glory.

Where I sat and pleaded before the throne of grace for this not to be. 

But it's just a couch. 

A couch where youth have sat and heard God's word. 

Where friends and family have gathered to study that Ancient Word. 

Where stories were told. 

A couch that has lost most of its stuffing. 

Springs broken and frame cracked. 

Almost as important as our kitchen table. 

Love poured out. 

It really never was, just a couch.  

All Clutter Is Not Equal

My brother and his wife are coming for a visit. Now I have known they were coming. 

But it's not until the last minute that I decide to clean and make a plan. 

We are celebrating Christmas. 

I still haven't wrapped the presents. 

It's almost March. 

 I have wrapped some; but the rest still lie buried under piles of stuff in my room. 

What makes us all so different? 

How do some have such ordered and clean homes? 

Everything is fixed and nice and neat. 

Everything in its place. 

( My college room mate Carol, would continually encourage me with those words)

This is not a new issue for me. 

It's years of trying to decide where is that place supposed to be? 

I can cook for 50 people without batting an eyelash. 

I love people stopping over spontaneously for a visit. 

But I can't get the laundry done or keep the piles from accumulating. 

I have done FLY lady, keep it simple, declutter your home in however many days. 

I have hired someone to clean my house hoping the gift of them coming would help with the clutter. 

But it doesn't. 

The clutter continues and consumes; if I let it. 

Sometimes I think we let too much clutter our minds.  I become obsessed with getting the house clean. 

Honestly, I become a raving lunatic. 

I harp on the kids to pick up and vacuum and the rant list goes on and on. 

(you can ask my kids, they will not hold back. They love to talk about me)

Now maybe I should have done that before. 

But what were the options? 

What would have been the sacrifice choice for the cleaner house? 

 Would I  have them  miss playing outside in the snow with their friends? 

Should they give up their barn chores? 

Would I give up the last few conversations with Elijah because the vacuum cleaner was more important? 

 We sat and read an extra chapter in our read aloud book; should cleaning have been a better choice? 

These are things I ponder. 

I know I can do things better. 

There is always a better way. 

But at what cost?

The clutter in my house should not reflect clutter in my heart. 

And you know what? It doesn't. 

My heart is at peace. 

My soul aches and is desperately needy. 

But there is room for the Holy Spirit to be there. 

I am open to God's leading. 

I breathe in His presence in my life. 

There is not an absence of pain or heartache. 

There is not an absence of trouble. 

But there is peace. There is hope. 

Psalm 62:5

 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.

There is room for God to step into the chaos and create order. 

This is also a season. 

How I long for my house to be clean and ordered. I long for rooms without clutter.

So while it's not perfect; there it is. 

What I long for more though; is a farmhouse with it's doors flung wide open. 

It's not perfect. But it's real. 

We're finding our way in the imperfection to seek Jesus here. 

In the grit and grime. In the middle of the laundry piles and other pressing needs. 

Come visit.

 Step over the clutter, find the way to the table. 

There will be hot coffee.

 I am sure a baked good, because people have not left our side on this journey. 

And there will always be time. 

Time to stop and sit at the farm house table, where we will meet with Jesus and the clutter won't matter. 

Where what's on our hearts will be laid bare before the Father and we will seek his guidance. 

Where we will sit with God's word open and search for truth and direction and how to love as He first loved us. 

Isn't that what we want? 

Isn't that how it should be? 

I didn't say I was giving up Pinterest, or the desire for a cleaner house.

I will just keep plugging away, while keeping the clutter out of my heart as the first priority. 

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Hush; Be Still

Hush

Be still

Wait

 And see 

New life

Springs

 from the old

There is hope

there is joy

It waits

 Hush

Be still

Wait
And see

The Lord

He is able 

He is mighty

Hush
Be still
I am not quiet.  I walk heavy. My husband reminds me; often.
He though scares me out of my skin; Repeatedly.
Quiet, not my companion.
I am reminded throughout the day to hush and be still.
The day is chaotic.
Visitors amidst my planned cleaning event.
Interrupted in the sweetest of ways.
A reminder that my Agenda is not the Lords.
No matter how I try to plan.
 He will bring about His desire for the day.
He will write my to do list.
The laundry will pile up.
The dishes remain in the sink.
The piles of book work still on the floor.
But the door to this farmhouse is open and the kitchen table full.
And at that table sits;
The blessing of a United States Marine. 
A glimpse at what I am missing, yet pride that another took the step.
He has come to visit; and I am honored.
Before that a visit and conversation with a sweet friend.
The commencement of the de-decorating of Christmas while the chaos flows.
Plenty of Coffee and tea. 
And the reminder to hush, and be still;
even while the busyness rages on.
Hush and be still.
Visit.
Hush and be still.
Embrace the interruptions.
Hush. Be still.
Because God is in all the pieces of the day.

Psalm 46:10
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

Be still and know that He is God
 Be still and know that He is faithful. 

Be still

Sometimes I Just Want The World To Stop

5 months. 

Half the time I carried you. 

Long enough for your niece to be born, seasons to change,
your father to have cancer
 and our hearts to break.

Each step forward feels like an eternity;
a conscious effort; 

an act of the will to live without a piece of you.

The desire for the world to stop; because something is so dreadfully not right.
5 months.
Almost half a year.
It doesn't seem possible.

Sometimes in this life we are called to hard steps. The journey rough and unforgiving.
 Finding sure footing is imperative.
As we walk this journey of deep grief and cancer; being aware of our footing is critical.
We are navigating a business, additional appointments, grief and the unknown.
At times I feel as if it could all unravel at any moment.

The farmhouse has been full this week.
Daughter and son in law and the sweetest of babies, cousins, my dad and my brother's family.
It's been such a nice distraction.
But is it a distraction; or is this how we should really live?
Should our doors be flung wide open?
 Flung open to family, friends. . .and yes even strangers?
Because God meets us in these moments.
 Because we have been told:

Hebrews 13:2
Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, 
for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

I want to be open. I want to see and hear where God is leading our family.
 It is hard because grief overshadows all we do.
It permeates my soul and clouds my thinking.
Yet amidst all the grief, there is a still small voice.
He beckons for us to:

Matthew 11:28-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

and the for us to:

Matthew 16:24
Then Jesus said to his disciples, 
"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves
 and take up their cross and follow me.


There is another change in our journey.
Today is the last Sunday of our Pastor Shepherding our flock.
It is yet another step onto an unknown path.

God knows well these paths.
 He has walked them before the foundation of time.
He will lead us and guide us.
He will strengthen us.
And we will keep our eyes focused.
Our strength will come from One who gave all so we might live.

As we live in community; meeting needs, hearing the stories
that make us who we are, we are being Jesus to a broken world.
We are able to breathe life into deep hurt and pain.
There is freedom in repentance, grace in giving and healing in community.
As the winds of change once again enter our lives, I will cling the rock.

When The Wind Blows And The House Shakes. . . Day #19 of Thankfulness

Some nights I think the wind will blow this old farmhouse right to the ground. 

With every gust the shutters rattle; windows shiver.

There are stress lines in rooms without wallpaper that show the give and take. 

The history this home has seen. 

Love, worn deep into the banister from hands through the years.

Grooves in the wood floor, from the farmers path every morning and evening, over decades. 

Love worn right through the couches and most everything in this home. 

The door to this home, wide open, for generations.
And the night of the wake for our son, those doors were open.
We flung them wide.
And through those doors walked generations of love.
Through those doors came the lost, and broken, the hurting.

A continuous welcome. 

There are no strangers here.

It is grace and love, sprinkled with joy. 

It is what drew my heart to this place. 

The sense of belonging, the tug of simplicity yet, layers of complexity. 

And the foundation of this house is solid rock

(really, it's a stone foundation)

It's strong and built to last.

It is the way of our faith.

It is rooted.
And though the wind blows, the shutters rattle, windows shiver;
the house will stand.

Luke 6:48
They are like a man building a house, 
who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. 
When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it,
 because it was well built.

Day #19 of Thankfulness

I am Thankful for:

A home filled with love

Oh there's fighting too, I just think it's a different kind of love

History that leaves a legacy of Godly men and woman 

News, as my husband drifts off to sleep, that his scans were clear

Children that giggle and play

stories

The legacy of family

love that runs deep and faith even deeper

Hope that the struggle will end

Snoring, may I never grow tired of the sound

Sunshine streaming through dirt laden windows

Time at the desk to dig through the layers

brothers who don't mind listening 

A cousin who is the sister I never had

SIL's who love their brother so very much
BIL's who spends time helping

Offers of help around the farm

this season of intentionally being thankful, I so often forget
That even though my heart is breaking, God will see us through
that even though I feel so overwhelmed and hard pressed;
there are folks who are helping to carry our burdens
The wind reminding us of the only solid foundation


When my world falls apart and the light turns to dark,
when the clouds gather round and the storms overwhelm
When my heart breaks in half and my strength cannot last
When I am lost in this land and I can't see your plan
I'll stand
On Christ the solid rock. . .all other ground is sinking sand!
Through every high and stormy gale
My Anchor holds within the veil!