You Can Still Press On

When your parents dog, father's sister (your god mother),  parents best friend and mother have all died within  10 days and the memory thief has knocked on your father's door. . . and he needs you to get through . . .  you can still press on.

When you beg God to take your mother because the ravages of cancer have left her lifeless and emaciated, he won't. . . .you can still press on.

You can sit in your yard and hold your daughter's beloved dog that has just been hit by a car and beg for him to live, and he won't.  He will die in your arms and you will not shed a tear. You can toss your cookies and go and be strong for your daughter. You will press on.

2 weeks later you can be awakened at 2 a.m. in your pajama's and stare at  police officers as they tell you there has been an accident. And your beloved red head didn't survive.

You will not shed a tear. You will press on. You figure out how to help your farmer because there is no power and the red head was supposed to help with milking. So you need to wake the blonde and tell him we need help and that his beloved older brother now sings with the Angels. In Jesus' name, you will press on.

You will climb those 16 steps to wake that beautiful daughter and tell her that losing her puppy is nothing to what you are about to share. You will press on.

I have learned that a Community has no boundaries, nationality or prejudices.

Grace given time and time again, unmerited; undeserved.

I will drive the newest car I have ever had. And each time I get into it I am grateful, angry and sad all at the same time. I will press on.

I have cried more tears than I thought possible when I am alone and when I am in church.  I have wailed. Deep,  guttural wails. . . I can't stop. The grief piercing.

There is a cat that visits me at the graveyard. It's not creepy. And he's not all black. He doesn't seem to mind my tears or my cries. He sits patiently; by my side.

I have learned when the doctor calls and says it's cancer you will shed no tears. You will find that grief and cancer can be lived through. You will press on.

I have learned that a walk to the cross and digging deep into the Ancient Word each day is the only way. My knees bent low; my heart surrendered. I can press on.

Front porch visits have turned into front porch prayers. There is a harvest of righteousness being poured out. We will press on.

We have lost fellowship with some friends. It is too much for them. I understand. Yet, I don't. We will still press on.

A marriage is built on trusting, giving, sacrificing, loving and prayer. Together, In Jesus' Name,  we
press on.

We will press on no matter what comes our way. We will lean into all that God has to give.

Each step, a choice made. 

We will live with our hands wide open to receive all He has to give. When life is hard and the road riddled with hurdle after hurdle, we can grow weary.

 It is through the power of the holy spirit that we gain our strength. It is in letting go that we receive. We will press on.

I pray that you take a moment to listen to this song. 

May it minister to you as it has to me. 

In Jesus' name . . . we will Press On. 

Thank you for liking our Davis Farm Face Book Page. Thank you for reading our blog. Thank you for praying for us. Make God guide our footsteps as this life continues on. Thank you you all for your support.

The Cost Of The Cross

Snow. In April. 

Poor man's fertilizer. 

The temperature has dropped 30 degrees. 

The water has traveled outside it's boundaries. 

Warm air has given way to a bitter wind. 

Reminding us that winter has not had it's final say. 

It is Holy Week. 

For some, this means nothing.

For me. 

It is everything. 
The journey Jesus took to the cross is the defining piece of my faith. 

He came into Jerusalem Hailed as King and left Jerusalem via the cross.

He took on the dirty and broken; so that we might live. 

He died to save a wretch like me; 

when He himself was sinless. 

And as we travel to the cross this week. 

I weigh the cost. 

It cost him everything that I might have life. 

He had no regard for his own being. 

He willingly laid down his life for mine. 

It was not taken. He gave. 

I do nothing to deserve it. 

It's mine. Because He said so. 

As I watch rivers skip their banks,

 and water erode a section on a road in a matter of moments;

I am reminded that things of this earth are temporal. 

This is not our home. 

Matthew 6:19-21

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. “But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, 

where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal;

 for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

We're not home yet. 

This journey here is but a moment in the eyes of the Lord. 

We grieve this week for a friend. 

I am trying to sort it all out. 

We rejoice that he is home. 

He dances the streets of Gold with my son. 

He died serving. 

The cost of the cross. 

Doing what He felt God called Him to do. 

My heart knows this. 

But when that calling was for you the guilt thief struts in.

Bold and brass.

He died to help a wretch like me.

We will pay our last respects and celebrate his home going. 

Tucked right in the middle of Palm Sunday and Maundy Thursday. 

There is deep spiritual significance there. 

I will wrestle with this joy in the midst of grief. 

We are a people who grieve with hope; no matter how heavy the load becomes. 

All I know is I'm not home yet

This is not where I belong. 

Take this world and give me Jesus

This is not where I belong. 

I Want To Be Present; Right In The Here And Now

They move the drums. They are taking up space they say.
The little girls are trying to organize the music room.

All that is within me wants to scream. 

He had set them up. 

They are the way he had left them. .. that day. 

The last day he played. 

The last day he did anything on this earth. 

The bass drum ring damaged and in need of replacement.
We had looked into getting it fixed; that last day he was here. 

The last day I have felt normal in 8 months. 

I slowly pull the drum set back out, away from the corner. 

I fight back tears. I keep my voice even and cheery. 

I don't want them to know. 

How could they ever understand, that these are the things I am not ready to let go of yet?

They are the glue.

I close my eyes and picture him sitting on the seat.

 His throne. 

Oh, how I wish I could change the circumstances. 

How I yearn sometimes for a different path. 

But I can't.

This is God's path. 

He knows the plan. 

I don't. 

Elijah now glorified. Sitting with the Father himself.

And I push hard, against the searing pain. 

They call me. 

They want me to see what they have done. 

They have moved the drums back. 

They have hung a poster from the Memorial Fund, Fundraiser.

How can I be left undone so quickly. 

I smile at them and tell them what a great job they have done. 

They really have. 

I want to be present; right in the here and now. 

I breathe deep. I cling to what I know. 

Do not fear for I am with you. 

This is what faith is, 

It is trusting in the unseen.

It is the dark moment being illuminated by the light of Christ. 

Right in the moment. 

We talk about memories they have.
We rejoice for the time we had.
 We live right in the moment.
Clinging to what we know. 

Being In It For The Long Haul

I am in this for the long haul.
This journey, called life, is only a shadow of what is waiting.
It demands endurance.
We have a family moving out to farm alongside us. 

They are packing all they own and know and hauling it across this beautiful country.
They have a long haul in front of them.
This is a new culture and climate.
Many adjustments. 
They need to be in this for the long haul.
This journey in life.
 It is not easy.
It is riddled with strife, heartache and shattered dreams.
There is great beauty,

and there is deep pain.

Yet there is comfort and hope for the journey. There is solid ground on which to plant your feet.
We need to be in it for the long haul.
The investment; long term.
Our joy deep rooted.
Rooted deep, in solid truth;
where moth and rust cannot destroy.

Matthew 6:20
Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy

Rooted in the only soil where hope surges and strength is found.
When church was not an option today as the joy thief became my farmers unwanted companion,
I searched the archives of the internet for sustenance for my soul.
I chose John Piper and the first message to show in the list was; "Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing".
So, I gathered the Ancient Word, and my notebook.
I showed up fully alert. 
I wanted to hear what God would say through the scholarly, highly regarded John Piper.
It wasn't long before I heard it. I saw it.
He knew. 
He understood. 
He dove into that scripture and there it was;
right in 2 Corinthians 6:10.
sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; 
having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

Paul endured beatings and prison. Poverty and persecution. Yet he was still able to say;

Philppians 4:4
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

You see the Lord wasn't taking away the troubles. He was showing up in the midst of them. 

He's not guaranteeing riches or an easy life. 

Quite honestly it may be the exact opposite; 

as you surrender each day.
He removes the stumbling blocks; We serve God not because we're rich or
because our lives are full of ease and certainty.
Uncertainty abounds. 

I can barely walk sometimes the grief so overwhelming.

 I miss my mom. I long for our puppy. I ache for our son. 

My husband fights cancer and depression. 
We serve God because of who He is; in the midst of all this. 

I don't know what the future holds. 

But I know who holds the future. 
I am in this for the long haul. 
Growth over time. 

And that makes all the difference in the world. 

The anchor holds. I know where I am going. 

And while the wind shakes all around us;

we will stand on solid ground. 

When The Snow Piles High And The Drifts Impassable

Pushing through the dark. 

Looking for the light. 

Holding tight the truth. 

Letting go the fear. 

Wondering how this new life works. 

Digging deep for strength.

Resting in the One.
Reaching for Hope.

This journey continues to stretch me to the fullest.
Each day, I seek to rest not in the what if's, but in the what I knows.
When all is shaking around me, there is a calm.
An assurance so sweet.

The snow piles high and the drifts impassable.
The wind howls.
But yet the farmer presses on.
The cows are milked.
The rhythm of the day continues.
It is that rhythm that misses a beat; all so wrong.
But still we press on.

We bow our head in humble submission.
We bend under the weight.
But we will not break.

2 Corinthians 4:8
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed;
 perplexed, but not in despair;

Today I push the memories aside and linger at the cross.
I wait with expectancy of what will come.
I lean into the pain.
I embrace the journey.

On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand. 
All other ground is sinking sand. 
I pray you can take the time to listen to the words of this song.
Because in my world there is no other place to stand.
And I long for the day when He shall come with trumpet sound
Oh may I then in Him be found.
dressed in His Righteousness alone
Faultless to stand before the throne

Are You Able To Run The Race With Perseverance?

Miss you so much. Don't know if I can handle next year without you. #brother

This was Clarissa's face book post on June 20, 2013.
It's the picture of them on the first day of school; his Senior year. 

Elijah had gone on a trip the day after graduation.
We all missed him.
Boot camp was coming and we knew we weren't prepared.
He rarely left home.
His presence always here.
He wasn't one for sleepovers; preferring his bed to others.
Little did we know.

Clarissa and Thomas have devotions for Youth Group.  The topic; Perseverance. 
With the Olympics permeating much of our awake time; perseverance has been on the mind.

Story after story has been shared of an Olympian's challenging journey to reach the ultimate goal of the prestigious Olympic team; and ultimately a Gold medal.  

         As I listen to their thoughts and working through bible verses I think of how Clarissa has needed to persevere. She lives with a severe case of asthma and allergies. She has missed more and more school each year because her medicine is not adequate enough to keep her symptoms at bay. At the beginning of July her puppy was hit by car and died in my arms before she got home. 

It was heart wrenching for her. She had researched puppies that were safe for her and her asthma and saved her money to buy this little puppy. She had cared for and nurtured him since he was born. And now; in a moment he was gone. 

       Just weeks later she would endure the challenge of her life as I slowly climbed the stairs to wake her to tell her her beloved, older brother was called home to be with the King of Kings. Her brother, who was her mentor, friend and confidant. In a single sentence, I was shattering this young, precious girl's world. 

      Then came the diagnosis of cancer for her father, and I tell you, she was not surprised. 

She said she knew.

 Back when the growth became apparent. 

She would think; he needs to have that taken off. It's not a cyst. It's a tumor. 

She was a rock and asked specific questions. She rallied to this next blow. 

   Her face book continues to demonstrate where her strength comes from. She minces no words in expressing her feelings. Though sometimes I wonder at the bravado; and does she need a break? A break from the pain and the uncertainty. The pressure of honors and AP classes. Working, instrument practice, the demands of younger siblings and grief as her constant companion. 

  Thomas has lost one of his best friends. 

His dreams and hopes built together on mutual love for this country and the freedom to serve. 

A faith shared. 

An eternal bond.

So who better to speak on perseverance than Clarissa and Thomas.

 I applaud them for using their experiences to drive an important discussion. 

We may not be Olympians. But we are in a race. 

Time is ticking and life's journey continues. 

What is it that you need to persevere through? 

Are you equipped? 

What is in your tool box?

Most Olympians persevere through a course well marked out.

 Rehearsed, studied and ingrained.

Our course is well marked out. We just can't see the course. But there is One who does. 

And my trust is there. 

Elijah has stepped into eternity and he is now a part of that great 

Cloud of Witnesses spurring us on until that Great Day. 

Hebrews 12:1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses,

 let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. 

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

May you know that you're not alone. 

He's waiting for you. Knocking at your door. 

Love will pull us together. 

I hope you can take a few moments to listen to this video of  "Hold us Together"

We miss our drummer.

We Press On, In Jesus Name

It's the moment just before I wake.

 Just before my eyes open that it all weighs down. 

The magnitude of loss, the reality of cancer, finances hanging in the balance. 

It is in those same moments that the battle for the day wages. 

My whole being wants to burrow down in; refuse to go on. 

How can I? 

When all I have known is changed.

 All that I was created to be has been ripped from me. 

The day to day has changed for ever and the future for one, decided. 

A mommy shouldn't have to bury their child. 

It is wrong. 

It is hard.

It hurts.

It's unfair.

And I wish it could be different. 

It is in those moments, just before I wake,  that I choose with everything in me, to pray.

I stop any thought that enters. 

And I think only on the precious Name of our father. 

Psalm 30:4

Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people; praise his holy name.

I can't think much beyond that. 

I have grace only for the moment. 

It is in those moments that I step into the day. 

I don't know what it will hold. 

Some days I fear that. 

Each moment Clarissa heads out the door, I wonder if it will be my last with her?

Elijah walked out that door. And never came home. 

Each day the toxins pour into my farmers veins I wonder if this will work? 

Will these toxic cocktails and radiation do their thing? 

Will the farm stay stable through these rough and muddy waters. Everywhere I turn there is turmoil.

 My dad lives with memory thief storming his doors. 

I miss my mom. I long to talk with her. To share these burdens.

All this is too heavy to bear. 

I do not walk the road alone. There are those around us that have joined the walk. They are praying or have brought a meal. They watch our kids; send encouraging cards or notes. 

I do not walk the road alone.

The LORD walks beside me each step of this twisting and winding road.
Even better, He has gone before us. I don't understand all of his ways. 

But what I do understand is the peace that is offered. The promise of eternal life. 

There is hope. There is grace for the journey. 

In those moments just before I open my eyes, I step into the journey that God has for me. 

I will stand on those promises and be faithful to the end. 

My heart breaks. I miss Elijah with everything in me. It permeates every cell of my being. 

Every breath I take and move I make, longs for his presence. 

The pain sharp and piercing. 

As time passes it seems more so. There is a guttural cry that longs to have voice. 

A desire to turn back time to what it was. 

To what was before. 

Since the journey doesn't work that way we press on. 

We press on in Jesus' Name. 

We press on seeking the grace in which to live. 

Philippians 3:14

We press on toward the goal to win the prize for which

 God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

These were Elijah's own words, just a few weeks before his work here ended. 

He emphasized our need to press on. 

And so we will.

We will seek repentance. 

We will press on to what God has in store. 

We will press on to seek peace and joy. 

We will press on, until our journey is finished and we are called home. 

In Jesus Name we Press On. 

Pressing On Through; God Will Make A Way

Before I had even finished writing my last post,
I received word that Cheslea's Grandmother had died on New Year's Eve. 

She was at a party. 

Just fine. 

And had a heart attack; Just like that.

In a year when we have experienced so much heart ache. This feels like too much. 

What do you do when you feel like at every corner you're knocked down? 

When life is relentless in it's burden. 

How do you live when all is heavy and weighted down?

There is no option for surrender.
The only option is to press on.
Press on towards that goal.

Take a moment to listen to this again.
He speaks to the goal we press on towards. Literally weeks before he was called home.
Press on. . .all you who are weary.
I miss his voice, I long for him to be with us.
Yet, I treasure this gift.

Phillipians 3:14
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has 
called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

But it's not drudgery. There is meaning and purpose. There is joy for the journey. Taking raw pain and finding a place for it to dwell is hard work. It is a daily task. A daily step to choose to give thanks and praise. To shake off the bitterness that threatens to engulf. To step forward into joy when your heart is breaking in a million pieces. 

This was my post last New Year's Day. 

Just one year ago.

 And though I still am not making a list or making resolutions. 

The cry of my heart is still the same. 

Wasn't much into celebrating last night. Went to bed early. Woke up to the 2 little girls sound asleep on the couch! I wonder if they made it to midnight! Happy New Year everyone! I am not a list or a resolution girl. . .but I do want to honor God this year. I don't want this life to be about me. I want to serve others. While taking care of my mom, I experienced such a wonderful gift. Caring for your mother is a heartbreaking joy. . . a deep down joy that no one can touch. So here is to a year NOT about doing what's right for me. . . or putting myself first. Here is to a year where I surrender and let God lead my steps. . . Because even in the hard times . . .with God is better than on my own. Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. . . 

"Because even in the hard times. . .with God, is better than on my own".

This past year has been so hard. Frankly, it still is hard. Each breath that I take, each action I perform is surrendered to the will of God because I don't know how to walk this road. 
So again, I cling to what I do know. 

Much of my day requires moment by moment clinging to what I know.
And what I know is; God is good. . .God is sovereign, and God knows. . .
 He knows my pain. Sometimes that does not give me peace. And that is where my faith meets the truth. If I claim to know God; then I will claim to know and trust him in the agony.

We said Good Bye to cousins and came home to a quiet house. 

For a moment, just a moment, this awful sadness began to permeate.
 But  friends stopped over and it was a nice distraction.  I then stepped into all that needs to be done. 
I wasn't as nice as I could have been, I was tired, but it was a start. 
That's all we need to do- is start, take a step.
God will take care of the rest.

 God will make a way
When there seems to be no way.
Forever He is faithful
He will make a road
When you bear a heavy load