I say good night to the kids.
The farm house is quieting down.
I pause, in the doorway to his room, as I do each evening before I head down the stairs.
I can't stay for long because the feeling is so overwhelming.
I think over the day.
Mother's Day; it was so beautiful.
We cooked on the grill and ate outside.
We talked and felt the warmth of the sun on our faces.
It felt good to just enjoy the creation around us.
I turn and head down the stairs.
The day was not what I expected.
At some point I was told I needed to be ready to go.
I didn't want to leave. I wanted to sit.
Stay in the sun and visit.
I didn't want to go anywhere.
That teenage daughter spewed words at me.
How she tries to plan things and I don't ever like it.
I mutter something equally as distressing to the effect that I told you what I wanted for the day.
She huffs off angry and any idea of a Hallmark Mother's Day just left the premises.
I have a check in my heart.
This may not be what I want to do, but my daughter has made plans.
My farmer, who has struggled with basic decision making, has made plans ahead of time.
I need to be celebrating.
I need to forget my agenda and submit to the flow of the day.
Because Mother's Day isn't about getting what you want.
It's about being the best Mom you can be.
At this moment that includes doing what the family has planned.
So often God wants to take us on a road we had not planned. He wants to mold our beings.
He wants us to go with His Agenda.
It is so hard when we are not making the plans.
When what is around the corner is different from what you envisioned.
We needed to be ready to leave because we were going to the movies.
And though I didn't want to go.
You know what? I loved it.
We went to see, "Mom's Night Out".
For me it was refreshing and funny.
Many days I feel the same way, worn and weary; about to lose my mind.
(except the cleaning part and of course there was very little coffee. Which puzzled me.)
Critic's have bashed the movie in many ways and I find that hard to believe.
A movie that portrays a stay at home mom on the edge with a supportive husband is a gem.
Maybe it hit's a nerve a little too close.
The desire to hide in the closet. Eating undisclosed amounts of chocolate?
Because aren't we all. . .on edge that is?
My life isn't perfect.
I scream, yell, mess up, have an untidy house, feel overwhelmed and tired.
Throw in your father succumbing to the memory thief, the death of your mom to cancer, the sudden heart wrenching death of your child, cancer and clinical depression all in a 9 month span.
And I am tired.
Seeing a movie that portrayed those emotions in a comedy was a relief from all the mundane.
It was a relief to dodge foul language, cruel and demeaning dialogue.
It was encouraging to be able to take my 16 and 8 year old to the same movie and it not be animated.
While this was not what I had envisioned for the day I am glad I went.
I left feeling refreshed; light hearted from laughing.
(laughing is good for you. Did you know that? And so is coffee.)
While nothing in my life these days is the way I envisioned it to be .
I know there is One who has envisioned it all.
I am not going to get it all right.
I can't please everyone.
But I can do the job God sent me here to do.
I can be faithful to that purpose.
Because what is right around the corner, may not be what I expected,
but it is no surprise to the Faithful One.
I Thessolonians 5:23-24
May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through.
May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.