Thursday, May 22, 2014

I've Never Tried To Be A Good Parent. . . Until Now

I want to be the best parent I can. 

I don't think this has ever occurred to me. 
Not that I wanted to be a poor parent. 
I just did what needed to be done. 
I didn't think about it.
When the kids were little I taught. 
There wasn't much time for anything. 
I haven't really looked to others.
I didn't have that great of a relationship with my mom. 
Yes, it's true.
God helped us to make it what it became. 
So, I just did the opposite of what she did. 
Yes, it's true too. 
Oh, there are some things that have been similar but mostly I prayed and trusted God. 

I never read a parenting book until my 5th child was born. 
And then they were the titles like "How to Have a New Kid by Friday"
Books that helped me in my environment.
This urgency to be the best parent I can comes from having one of those babes deep in the earth. 
It comes from the "I wonder's". 
When the kids misbehaved or were persnickety. I would say they would grow out of it. 
Someday they won't be like that. They will appreciate the rides, etc. someday.
But, for one, someday will never come. 

And all the later's are gone. 
So I want the right now's to count.
Each and every moment. 
Because I may never have another. 
Oh, I know it won't be perfect. 
There will still be those days. 
But I want to make sure there are fewer of those days. 
I want to listen better. 
Love more. 
I am not so concerned about the SAT's and the ACT's. 
I am not so concerned about the Advanced Placement classes. 
Because you know what?
I want them to be the best they can be while enjoying themselves. 
Becoming confident in who they are as a child of God.
Knowing there is a God that loves them unconditionally.
No matter what. 
Life is not a race.
It's not about being in every activity and class available.
Making sure the kids are "happy". 
It's about being intentional as you go. 
It's not about coming out on top. 
It's about who you extended grace to. 
It's not about taking aggressive classes. 
It's about knowing how to learn. 
It's about serving; being the hands and feet of Jesus.
It's about a relationship with a risen savior.
Deep peace and confidence in who they are for the long run.

I have a long way to go. 
But I long to be on a journey where God continually molds me into his image. 
For we are image bearers
I may not have my son. 

But I have the God of the Universe. 
I may not understand his ways. . . at all. 
I don't even like his ways right now. . . at all.
But I trust him. 
The rest of my parenting journey I want to be different. 
Because I am different. 
I will never be same. 
And I don't ever want to be. 


  1. God will always provide. Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. Isaiah 46:4 says, "I have made you and I will carry you, says the Lord, I will sustain you and rescue you." I am praying for you, thank you for your beautiful words.

  2. Thank you for your prayers. This night has seemed awfully long. . . He will rescue us. He will sustain. His plans are true and to be trusted. . . even when they break our hearts.

  3. I hardly ever hear anyone say that they don't much care for God's ways but they Trust anyway. Thank you for saying it. Love, A

    1. I can't lie. I don't like it at all. . . I don't understand Him. But I love and trust him. There are times even that is hard. Step by step through a well worn path. Hugs across the country.