Thursday, November 13, 2014

Are you Having A Hard Time Expecting Anything Good? Yeah, Me Too Day #13 of Thankfulness

We spend the day at the hospital.
Faces familiar now.
Routines established. 
We wait. 
Somehow, I have become numb to this process. 
I tried not to think about it. . . at all. 
I didn't pray. 
I couldn't. 
I didn't want my hopes to be dashed. 
I didn't step into fear either. 
I am not sure which is better? 
The cliff of the ache is just out of reach and I don't want to be on the edge anymore. 
The burn that has been my constant friend has lightened in my heart. 
So, when test day came, I chose silence. 
I didn't want to feel.
I went through the motions and kept the focus of the task before me. 
I don't know how to live this life with out my son. 
How to live with cancer just outside the door. 

Acts 17:28
For in him we live and move and have our being.' 

It is easier to be about the business and keep the routine. 
Focusing on the task, minus the emotion works. 
I am good at that. 
Separating out emotion and tasks. 
Yet, when a friend sends a text that what God does is awesome. 
It stops me in my tracts. 
Because I don't feel that what God has done is awesome. 
As a matter of fact, I can't see awesome anywhere. 
I can't imagine good news. 
Until. . . 
I stop. 
And the practice of gratitude seeps in and allows me to see, that despite the loss, He is good. 
Oh, so good. 
If I know the real good news then, all news is good
I need to learn again, the Good News

Won't you join me in this challenge of gratitude. 
No matter how desperate your circumstances are, there is always hope. 

30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:
A community that has walked hand in hand with our family
reminders that God is in control - he is there
friends who continue to push through the joy even in the hard times
wood, that our home is warm
A beautiful porch that I step out onto each day, giving thanks for those who gave
my farmer
kids who are trying so hard to learn to live in a new family setting
a step daughter who works hard, loves hard and is willing to play
a grand daughter who can light up any part of your day
stepping into gratitude
hospitals and routines
a smelly, stinky dog
a God who loves me and is patient with me as I learn to trust and love him

I don't want to live without feeling. 
I don't want to be expecting bad news all the time. 
Being "about business" all the time is safe; but I am missing out on much. 
So for today, I am practicing the notion that God is good. 
And that he is the giver of good things. 

James 1:17
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

What ever may pass and what ever lies before me
* * *
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Matt Redman
Bless The Lord

1 comment:

  1. Thankful for your writing and the conviction which comes from reading your words and the ancient words.