Monday, November 24, 2014

Stepping Over Despair Into Gratitude Day #24 of Thankfulness

I shut the light off at the bottom of the stairs. 
Our travels brought us home late. 
It is now the wee hours of the morning and there is laundry and book work. 
There is also hot coffee.
But no milk or eggs. 
The wind is howling and the rain vacillates between hail and soft pattering. 
Before I shut off the light, I glance at his door. 
The reminder each day; so hard. 
I shake my head with the remembering. 
It is so hard. 

If I am not careful, the pull of grief will drag me under. 
The piercing pain and heartache; all consuming. 
It hovers, you know, just under the radar, each and every day. 
The missing. 

The wondering, how things would be. 

College students have begun their trek home. 
Sweet reunions. 
I dig in my heels.
The wind whips around the house. 
This drafty old house unable to keep out the chill. 
I will not succumb to the despair and pain of missing. 
I am learning each day to step into the grace offered for the day. 

Because haven't we been given grace enough for today? 

This is the day that counts. 
This is the day we have the power to change. 
We yield to the Master's touch. 
It is in the giving of our selves that He is able to work in us.
His good and perfect will. 

Turkey, pies, Thanksgiving logistics swirl in my head. 
I've been given a rich heritage in family. 
Children and extended family. 
Many will descend on the farm this week. 

Though my red head won't be coming home. 
Many others will. 
The focus on what God has handed here and now. 
Not what will never be. 
There is a challenge in living this life at the foot of the cross. 
It is not easy. 
But there is strength given. 

 2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, 
for my power is made perfect in weakness."

It is strength I will take. 
I am not proud. 
I can not do this on my own. 
It is too hard. 
Too painful. 
Too much. 
So, once again I am laying it all down. 

I am thankful for:
my own bed
fresh brewed coffee
a second cup of freshly brewed coffee
the smell of freshly brewed coffee
the way the mug feels when the mug is between my hands
(you understand, I am very grateful)
this drafty old house; no matter how cold it is outside, it is still warmer in here
the quiet of our home
the rhythm of farm life
my farmer, driving and driving and then getting up to do chores
friends and family who welcome us home and remind us we are loved
a time of Thanksgiving, to be intentional about gratitude
God's word and the message of hope found within
tin on the porch roof and the steady cadence kept
the uniqueness of my children and the gift each one is to our family
growth in spite of the heartache

May this week be about gratitude for you. 
Even if your heart is breaking, step into a path that includes gratitude.
And if you're heart is overwhelmed with joy step into gratitude for the deep gift. 

As you offer your gratitude to God today, here is a song I love. 
Holy, are you Lord God Almighty. 
Worthy is the Lamb. 

Won't you Worship with me and let it all go. 
Hand it all over the One who longs to hold it for you. 
He is worthy. 
He is good. 
He is Holy. 
And He is waiting for you. 

Michael W Smith
Agnus Dei

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