Thursday, March 27, 2014

Why Do We Hold Our Burdens Tight?

We celebrate my farmer's birthday.
The first without Elijah.
It is so hard and feels so wrong.
We leave the farm.
We head to meet Chelsea, Adam and Lilah.
We spend time together in a mall.
I watch my farmer.  
What makes my farmer so depressed?

Why won't the medicine take effect? 
It there something metabolically wrong?
Something like electrolytes; a quick fix.

We go to the doctors. She looks at us.
My farmers blood work is good. 
His body is doing what it should. 
She tells us what we already know; but forget.
We've been through a lot. 
Grieving is hard work. 
Fighting cancer is hard work. 
But both is beyond. 
I breathe deep as she reminds us that losing Elijah is tough stuff. 
The grieving takes energy.
She shares a bit of her story. 
And I am reminded again, of how we need each other. 
If you have a story to tell.
Share it. 
Why do we hold our burdens tight?
Talk to the Lord. 
Share it with a friend.
Pray with that friend. 
There is no load too heavy for God. 
He is able to handle all our emotions, all our hurts.
I don't know why this depression lingers.
So we will continue to stand on solid ground.
We will bend our knees in prayer and lift our hands in praise.
I will seek the quiet. Listen. Wait for the answers.
And unload a bag a day.

There is an Old Hymn,
Ok, all Hymns are old.
None the less they are timeless.  
I love this Hymn.
 I remember going to Hymn Sings with my Grandfather and
I would wait for someone to request this song.

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and grief to bear.
What a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer

These words have held me through some of the darkest nights;
through the pain and anguish.
The night Elijah met Jesus, after the police left; after Gary had gone to the barn;
and I was left alone, it was too early to call anyone,
 so I rocked back and forth and the words to this hymn ran through my head.
What A Friend We Have In Jesus. 

So we celebrate Gary's birthday.
We light Elijah's candle and Gary blows his out.
We remember.
We share.
We celebrate.