Tuesday, March 25, 2014

I Want To Be Present; Right In The Here And Now

They move the drums. They are taking up space they say.
The little girls are trying to organize the music room.
All that is within me wants to scream. 
He had set them up. 
They are the way he had left them. .. that day. 
The last day he played. 
The last day he did anything on this earth. 
The bass drum ring damaged and in need of replacement.
We had looked into getting it fixed; that last day he was here. 
The last day I have felt normal in 8 months. 
I slowly pull the drum set back out, away from the corner. 
I fight back tears. I keep my voice even and cheery. 
I don't want them to know. 
How could they ever understand, that these are the things I am not ready to let go of yet?
They are the glue.
I close my eyes and picture him sitting on the seat.
 His throne. 

Oh, how I wish I could change the circumstances. 
How I yearn sometimes for a different path. 
But I can't.
This is God's path. 
He knows the plan. 
I don't. 
Elijah now glorified. Sitting with the Father himself.
And I push hard, against the searing pain. 
They call me. 
They want me to see what they have done. 
They have moved the drums back. 
They have hung a poster from the Memorial Fund, Fundraiser.

How can I be left undone so quickly. 
I smile at them and tell them what a great job they have done. 
They really have. 
I want to be present; right in the here and now. 
I breathe deep. I cling to what I know. 
Do not fear for I am with you. 
This is what faith is, 
It is trusting in the unseen.
It is the dark moment being illuminated by the light of Christ. 
Right in the moment. 
We talk about memories they have.
We rejoice for the time we had.
 We live right in the moment.
Clinging to what we know. 

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