Live In The Fullness

I fight through these days. 

The last he had here on this earth.

I long for things to be different. 

Yet trying to step forward each day. 

Agony. 

The need to do what you do not want to do. 

Press on. 

Remember. 

Seek joy. 

Let go. 

Digging for the strength needed. 

Only the grace for the day. 

I settle into all that will never be.
He will never be a United States Marine.
He will never marry.
Our family portraits will never be the same.

I don't want to hear the words, "You're healing."
Like I'm going to be new again?
My son has been torn from me.
I will NEVER be the same again.
Nor do I want to be.
I can never be that again.  I will never be Elijah's mom.
He has achieved ultimate success.
Yet I want more.
I want to learn.
I yearn for God to guide my foot steps according to His plan.
I want to shake these earthly chains and live with abandon for the One who died for me.
There is more to life.
Reaching for that which we can not see is always hard.
I will continue to strive.
Holding on to the hope given.
Living for eternity.
These days are a stretch.
I will pick the kids up from camp today.
It is the last day we ever saw Elijah.
He went to a shooting competition, while we went to NY.
We came home.
It's all so surreal.
My farmer drove over to the range to catch the last of the shooting match.
We are so glad he took the time.
There was still hay down.
So much to bale.
Yet he went with his heart and went to the range.
Little did he know.
We don't know.

Matthew 24:42
"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know 
on what day your Lord will come.

Each moment needs to be embraced and lived.
Our time will come.
Some with lives lived long and full.
Others short. . . yet full as well.

God knew Elijah's days.
He numbered them.
Live in the Fullness.

Colossians 2:9-10
For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form,
and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. 
He is the head over every power and authority.