Alone; But Not Alone. . .Ever

I am alone. 

The house quiet. 

It is not a sound I am familiar with; or like. 

I wish I could take all those crazy moments when 2 diapers needed changing, lesson plans needed writing, dinner was cooking, and all 6 children were living. . .  and bottle them. 

Then pull them out now. 

When I feel defeated. 

I was created to be a mom. 

And I have loved the journey. 

I haven't done it well. 

My children never had a nursery. 

I never had the latest stroller or baby gear. 

I never read a parenting book until Chelsea was in college. 

I worked when my kids were born. 

I never went on a "playdate". 

Ever. 

For all the things I didn't do. 

I am sure there are lots I did do. 

We made a priority to go to church. 

Every Sunday. 

It wasn't easy. 

It's easier to stay home. 

There were days I wanted to. 

We chose to go. 

And when the rubber hit the road this year. 

I bent my knees low to the ground and thanked God for the years cultivating faith in our children. 

My son left me this gift. 

Faith, assurance he knew where he was headed. 

It was not wasted time. 

I drove home alone from New York after dropping two of the kids 

and two of their friends off at camp. 

I was alone. 

And when I walked in the house I was alone. 

The quiet eerie. 

My farmer haying. 

The two little girls spending the night with Tara. 

For a moment I could feel the sadness creep in. 

Alone.

While others may have cheered at this prospect, I did not. 

I love the energy of this home.

Life. 

But I realized in those moments that it is not the kids who define me. 

I am not alone. 

My worth is in Christ. 

He is my source of strength.

Psalm 118:14

The LORD is my strength and my defense; 

he has become my salvation.

 Looking anywhere else is futile. 

My joy does not come from the kids. 

It is a by product of the gift of the kids. 

My children are a gift from the Lord.

They are His. 

While I have breath on this earth I will do all I can to love and nurture them. 

Encourage them in their faith. 

Spur them on to make a difference, for Christ, in this world. 

I switch the laundry, start the dishwasher, wipe down the counters. 

A friend says to try and enjoy the moment. 

So I do. 

I head to bed to read. 

One of my favorite things to do. 

I begin with the Word; from which my sustenance comes. 

Then I move to my book. 

By then the exhaustion has settled in. 

And my farmer comes home. 

I am not alone. 

But I already knew that. 

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. 

Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, 

for the LORD your God goes with you; 

he will never leave you nor forsake you."