Tuesday, July 1, 2014

This Sea Of Emotions

I dream I am waking him up and he looks at me with those big blue eyes. 
It is the first time I have dreamed about Elijah since God called him home. 
It was so real. 
I woke sad. 

I fought through the day to focus on that which was positive. 
To count my blessings.
To remember Elijah is with the King of Kings.
His work finished here on this earth. 
He now reigns in Glory. 
Never to experience pain or hurt. 

Revelation 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning 
or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Just unspeakable joy. 
It is we who are left behind that struggle.
We feel what we feel.
It can't be denied.
It was hot and humid. 
Much to do. 
I kept busy. 
It wasn't until after the Cast Party, the final activity of the day that I let myself feel. 
I head to the cemetery. 

I stand at his grave and just shake my head. 
I want to cry. 
But I can't. 
I am so tired. 
Tired of this pain. 
Tired of living without my son. 
Wishing with all that is in me that it could be different. 
The pain rich and real. 
Such a cycle of emotions. 
Grateful one day; scraping the barrel of deep sadness another.
God is greater than these emotions.
He gives strength to the weary
There is no limit to His wisdom.

Isaiah 40:28
Do you not know? Have you not heard?
 The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. 
He will not grow tired or weary,
 and his understanding no one can fathom.

We are reminded to keep our eyes focused. 
When the grueling steps are overwhelming; look up.

Psalm 91:4
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; 
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Don't take your eyes off the One who called the world into being with a Word. 
Continue to ride the sea of emotions. 
One moment at a time. 


  1. God Bless you Tammy. Your words inspire me. I wish you peace and happiness within. You have a big heart.

  2. I pray for you every day!! I have had those "real" dreams many times with my dad. They seem real because I truly believe that he was with you at that moment. Sometimes you can even feel them hugging you or speaking to you. Embrace those dreams and know that Elijah is telling you he is always with you and that he is ok. May these dreams bring you peace.